


How To Save A Life

by AllMyCharactersAreGay



Series: We Can Be Giants [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bullying, Child Neglect, Fluff Later I Swear, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mutual Pining, References to Depression, Sidepairing BokuAka, Sidepairing IwaOi, Sidepairing KurooKen, Slow Burn, Socially Awkward Kageyama, Suicidal Thoughts, Team as Family, Temporary KenHina
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-21
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2020-05-15 23:34:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 61,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19306129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllMyCharactersAreGay/pseuds/AllMyCharactersAreGay
Summary: Kageyama always felt awkward when dealing with other people. He never had a close friend, never knowing how to approach others, never understanding the cues and meanings behind their actions.Everyone saw Hinata as the sunshine boy, surrounded by friends, but it wasn’t more than a mask. Fake it till you make it, right?Kageyama helped him understand it was okay not to be okay. In exchange, Hinata taught him how to open up.





	1. Stand Out Fit In

**Author's Note:**

> This story will alternate between Hinata and Kageyama's POV, while they mutually help each other feel better about themselves and of course fall in love because I can't write angst without a fluffy ending. Next chapter will be Kageyama's introduction! Hinata never got in into volleyball, Kageyama never went to Karasuno.
> 
> It's not necessary to read One Way Ticket Home in order to understand this story, but it does offer some extra glimpses about their relationship with the rest of the characters. 
> 
> There's nothing explicit about self harm or suicide, just mentions and thoughts. Please take care of yourselves and if you feel the need to vent, feel free to yell at me @ [Tumblr](https://allmycharactersaregay.tumblr.com/)
> 
> I'll try to update weekly.

Most of his life had been an act. A carefully crafted mask to hide his pain behind a blinding smile.

Like most childhood sad stories, Shouyou’s had started at home. It wasn’t that his parents mistreated him, at first. They just didn’t treat him at all. They didn’t scold him when his grades were bad, and they didn’t congratulate him when they were good. They didn’t care. He’d come home from school to find old leftovers in the fridge, all lights out, his parents still at work. On the odd times they all happened to be at home at the same time, they were too tired to deal with him, only talking to him to give him chores to do and complaining about the ones he didn’t even know he had to do.

His mom started spending more time at home when his little sister was born, and 7 years old Shouyou thought it would change things. It did, but not on the way he hoped. His father decided to leave for good, and his mother accused her kids of being _too much_. Shouyou wondered why they even bothered having a second child when they clearly didn’t care about their first.

When he was deemed capable enough of taking care of Natsu by himself, his mother went back to working full time. Shouyou’s responsibilities only increased, adding taking to and picking up his baby sister from daycare, cooking for the both of them, doing groceries with the laughable amount of money his mother gave him, keeping the house clean, and keeping up his grades at school. He was always tired, always hungry, but he couldn’t resent his sister for all the extra work. Not when she was the only good thing in his life. He’d read her stories every night, talk to her about places they would someday visit, take her for short walks around the neighborhood, build blanket forts under the stars on the weekends. Everything he’d read parents did with their kids.

By the time he turned 10, due to leaving most of his food to Natsu, he was slightly malnourished, somewhat small for his age, and constantly getting sick, which only made his mother more upset with him. Especially when school called her at work to ask why her son was so tired and preoccupied when his only concerns should be classes and playing. “ _That’s just the way he is, his father was the same_ ,” she’d say and the teachers would believe her. Then he’d be yelled at when she got home, complaining about how much of an ungrateful brat he was being. Those would be his longest interactions with his mother, listening to her stating what a waste of space he and his sister were.

It got worse during his first year of junior high school, where his new classmates would make fun of him for everything. His hair was too bright, his voice too loud, his clothes too old, his frame too small, he cried too much, and he was too _queer_. Whatever that meant. Everything that made him unique was wrong, it seemed. Being a sad, tired kid wasn’t the norm, and it meant being left out. No friends, no attention from his parents, nothing. His only company was a 6 years old girl who loved him unconditionally and while he loved her back, it wasn’t enough.

Once it was time to start senior high, he decided to change to a school where he wouldn’t know anyone. But that alone wouldn’t make everything go away, he was sure the bullying would only continue if he kept being the same than in junior high. So he became the loudest boy in the class, the happiest ray of sunshine anyone had ever met, facing life with a smile on his life as if nothing could ever go wrong. Fake it ‘til you make it, right?

His mother didn’t even notice the change in her son’s attitude, too busy with her boyfriend parade. She’d keep breaking up and starting dating someone else every few months, each one of them acting like they owned the place while the relationship lasted. If that’s what it meant having his mother home, Shouyou kinda wished she would have just stayed away like before. He hated how they treated him and Natsu, but what else could he expect when not even their mother stood up for them? The first time he talked back to one of them, he had to miss school for three days due to the dark bruise on his face. His mother learned to choose easier places to hide next time.

✧

Life after switching to Karasuno was better, at least on the outside. He was popular in his class, and he finally had friends. Sometimes they’d even hang out after class, mostly with Yachi and Yamaguchi. Neither of them knew the real Hinata, though, he couldn’t risk them pushing him away if they did. Being a happy-go-lucky teenager clearly was the way to go. So he kept the act, he’d smile all day, chat enthusiastically with anyone who’d approach him, and carefully avoid all dangerous topics. Like ‘how far’ he had gone with Yachi, which he couldn’t understand at first. He’d never seen or thought about girls _that_ way. If anything, his only crush so far had been with a 3rd year boy whose name he didn’t even know, and that was a secret he’d take to his grave. Hopefully soon.

At least he had the Internet to hide in. When his mother wasn’t home, or was too busy with her current boyfriend, he’d take her laptop to his room. He’d use video games as a chance to immerse himself into a different character's life, someone who didn’t want to die. And he’d use online forums to talk about how much he _did_ want to die. He had promised himself he wouldn’t go along with that wish, though, he couldn’t bear the idea of leaving Natsu by herself. But sometimes it was just too hard to hang on to life. More than once he had incurred into self-harm, trying to convince himself that if it hurts, then it meant that he actually _wanted_ to live. It never really worked.

It was on one of these video games that he met who would become his best friend. Applepi was the master of the Free Company he joined right after started playing his first mmorpg, and had been patient enough to teach him everything he needed to know in order to not get lost in the game mechanics. And that meant _a lot_ of patience, because Shouyou would constantly get distracted by the huge maps and wanting to try every single job at once instead of focusing on one or two at a time.

On one occasion, another member of their Company had asked their leader about their panic attacks and anxiety, and the way he openly talked about it got Shouyou thinking. Maybe he wasn’t the only sad kid around, maybe he just never found the right people to talk about it with.

He decided to risk it, and opened a private chat with Applepi. What was the worst that could happen? Pushing away a person that had never been physically close in the first place? So he talked to him, firstly asking about casual stuff, then prying into the other’s anxiety, and finally slowly opening about his own issues. To say he was surprised by his anon friend’s understanding was putting it lightly. Where had he been all his life? Why couldn’t he had found someone like him before? What at first were short conversations eventually turned into nightlong chats about the struggles of dealing with a mental illness. At least that’s what the doctor from school had said he had, although his mother never actually bothered taking him to a psychologist to confirm his depression diagnosis. She didn’t care.

But Kenma, as he later found it his new friend was called, was something else. He not only cared, but understood what he was going through. He didn’t judge him, not for his constant sad thoughts, or his loneliness, or how he was crushing on another boy. Kenma had been struggling with social anxiety almost all his life, had been in love with his best friend (a boy!) for years, and had actual real life friends who knew about his problems. Shouyou couldn’t help but feel jealous for that last part, maybe he’d chosen the wrong school? Maybe he should just open up to Yachi? She seemed to be understanding and have kinda similar enough problems, if her occasional paranoia was anything to go by. But he was afraid of losing her friendship, and decided to keep the act, just like he had always done.

His grades started slipping again, and the school counselor appointed him a tutor for guidance. A 3rd year who planned on getting a degree in education after school, Sawamura Daichi. That’s how Shouyou finally learned the name of his crush, and he panicked. What if Sawamura realized how he looked at him? What if he was disgusted? But if he did, he never mentioned it. Sawamura was everything his mother always said Shouyou should be: smart, strong, handsome, _manly_. And more importantly, he was something she never mentioned as it wasn’t as relevant to her: he was kind. He’d been patient with Shouyou’s nerves, always giving him time and space to understand his homework assignments, and he didn’t comment on how awkward Shouyou acted around him. He always had extra food with him, supposedly because he was too hungry when he bought his lunch and then just couldn’t eat it all, but Shouyou knew that wasn’t true. It made him feel guilty at first, but he was grateful that his senpai was going out of his way to make sure he was eating, and even giving him sweet treats every now and then. The only downside was that this didn’t help at all to get over his crush, if anything, it was only making it worse. "Just call me Daichi, no need to take me so seriously," he said the third time Shouyou bowed at him in greeting, and gave him some ice cream he had bought by 'accident'. How could someone be so nice to a kid they barely knew?

✧

By his second year of senior high school, Daichi had moved to Tokyo and while they had never become actual friends, they still texted from time to time. Kenma had turned into his main support through the distance, and he was Kenma’s. Real life hadn't gotten better for either of them. His mother's aggression towards her children was only growing, and Shouyou could see the light in his sister's eyes getting dimmer. Kenma's anxiety had gotten worse since his supposedly best friend had bailed on him, leaving him dumbfounded and lost. He and Shouyou got closer, and the ginger had spent most of the year saving part of the Hinata's grocery money for tickets to Tokyo, to visit Kenma on his birthday.

It wasn't easy to leave his sister behind for the weekend, but Yachi had assured him she'd keep an eye on her. The two hours long train ride was probably the most nervous he'd ever been. Although he'd been able to tell Kenma his deepest worries and feelings, and he'd never felt judged, it was different to think they would see each other face to face. Was he supposed to keep his happy facade? Or could he be his true self?

Before he knew it, he was looking for blond hair and black roots on the train station, his heart pounding on his chest. He was terrified Kenma would realize he wasn't worth the trouble and leave him to fend for himself in an unknown city. Turns out, it was far from that. Shouyou had rehearsed his smile on the way, but not even 15 minutes after meeting each other in real life, Kenma had assured him he didn't need to pretend around him. So he didn't, and he was happy for the first time in years.

It was weird, feeling happy about being able to be sad. But this was the first time someone was interested in how he actually felt, and didn't just pretend to care. In return, he got to see the real Kenma, and it would have broken his heart if it hadn't been already in pieces. Kenma's relationship with Kuroo hadn't gotten better, only the opposite, and Shouyou had to listen to his best friend cry himself to sleep.

At least the rest of Kenma's friends had been there for him, and Shouyou found himself wondering again how different his life could have been if he were attending the same school. The guys from Nekoma all welcomed him with arms wide open, and he had _fun_ for the first time. Maybe he could move to Tokyo for University, he'd had to save enough during the next year in order to take his sister with him. It wouldn't be easy, but there was no way he'd leave her alone with their mother.

The rest of the weekend had gone smoothly, or as smoothly as it could go for two sad teenagers, watching anime and playing video games until way too late, and during the ride back home he started making plans for university.

✧

He spent his third year working at a cafe during the weekends, trying to save as much as possible, and going to Tokyo once a month. He had thought of visiting Daichi, but since they’d never had more than a senpai-kohai relationship, he wasn’t sure he’d be welcome. He always stayed in Kenma’s tiny dorm, which he shared with an older boy who never complained, not even when Shouyou took Natsu with him in hopes she would like it there. She loved it, so there was one less problem. But since life hated him, there were also new problems.

Near the end of the year, his mother had found out about his plans of moving out, and had gotten mad at him for even thinking about it. At first, some naive part of him thought that it was because she cared and would miss them, but soon he realized it was just because that would leave her out of someone to do her chores for her, and, more importantly, what would the neighbors think if she just let him move to another city with his 11 years old sister? She took all of his hard earned savings, claiming it was her right for putting up with such ungrateful children.

Shouyou almost thought of giving up, but one look at the way his mother’s current boyfriend glanced at Natsu, and he decided he’d do the impossible to get her away from that place. Something made him text Daichi that night, and in years to come he’d pinpoint that exact day as the moment his life started changing for the better.

While he didn’t give his senpai any details about his own feelings or mental struggles, he did tell him about his cancelled trip to Tokyo, which his sister was really looking forward to. When Daichi asked why it was he had to cancel, Shouyou just said his mother didn’t have enough money to pay for their train ride. He wasn’t sure what he expected, telling him about that, but what happened totally surprised him. The older boy immediately called him, and offered to pay for both their tickets. When Shouyou embarrassingly said he couldn’t accept something like that, Daichi threatened with going all the way to Miyagi to pick them up and getting them to Tokyo himself. Shouyou wasn’t sure if the other would really go through with the ultimatum, but he decided to accept the tickets, just in case. He went to sleep with a smile on his face, thinking maybe they really were friends, after all.

✧

He graduated from senior high school two weeks later. All his mother had to say about that was that now he could get a better job to help with the house. Shouyou pretended to agree with her, only to appease her, and waited until she was out of the house for the weekend to get everything ready to leave. Neither Natsu or he had a lot of clothes or belongings, so it was easy to pack. Two suitcases and a big backpack were enough to uproot their entire life, and clutching the train tickets like his life depended on it, they left their childhood home for what would be the last time in a very long time. He was terrified. He didn’t have any plans, he hadn’t found a new school for Natsu yet, and he wasn’t sure how easy it would be to get a job in Tokyo, even less a place to stay. Kenma had promised to host them for a few weeks, but it couldn’t be permanent because of his dorm rules. That would be enough to get started, Hinata assured him, not quite convinced he believed it himself.

Kenma’s roommate, Akaashi, was waiting for them at the train station. He dropped Shouyou at a café, and then left with Natsu to leave their stuff at what would be their temporal home. It hadn’t been easy to let her go without him, but Akaashi had convinced him that he’d have to get used to it, anyway, since he couldn’t just take her everywhere once he had a job or enrolled in University.

Shouyou stood at the door of the café where he had agreed to meet with Daichi, and took one, two, three slow breaths before finding the courage to get inside. He was welcomed by the smell of coffee and freshly baked goods. It made his stomach growl, realizing he hadn’t had anything to eat since the night before. He gave his breakfast to Natsu, claiming he had already had something while the girl was still asleep. The inside of the café was warm, cozy, with the sound of soft pop music keeping the nice ambient.

“Welcome to the Crow’s Nest!” A feminine voice greeted him somewhere from his right. Hinata wondered how a place with such a name could look so friendly. “What can I serve you today?” The barista asked, ignoring the lack of greeting from Shouyou’s part.

“Uhm,” Shouyou nervously approached to counter. “I was told to ask for Suga-san?” He inquired, following Daichi's instructions from their last phone conversation.

The girl smiled and nodded, before turning to her left, where a gray-haired guy was brewing coffee. “Suga! There’s someone looking for you!” She called, pointing at Shouyou with a tilt of her head.

Suga waved at Shouyou, before signaling to wait for him. “I’ll be taking my break now, Shimizu!” He announced, and moved from behind the counter. “Hi there! You must be Hinata, right? Daichi told me you’d be stopping by,” Suga beamed at him, and Shouyou couldn’t help but be jealous of how easy it seemed to be for him to smile like that.

Shouyou gulped, suddenly feeling overwhelmed. He remembered seeing the older boy during his first senior high school year, but had never talked to him. “Ah, yes, I’m Hinata Shouyou, it’s nice to meet you Suga-san,” he gave a small bow, not sure of what to expect. All Daichi had said was that he’d catch up to them as soon as he could get out of work.

Suga’s smile only grew wider. How much could a person smile? “No need for honorifics, any friend of my boyfriend is a friend of mine,” he said, blowing Shouyou’s mind. What? _What_? “C’mon, let’s sit at a table while we wait for him,” he suggested, gently motioning him to a table near the back of the café, half hidden behind a wooden wall, where they could presumably talk without others bothering them. Shouyou silently followed his direction, sitting on the couch, and nodding absently when Suga told him to wait there while he got him something to eat.

Shouyou wondered what the hell he was doing there. He’d agreed to meet Daichi, but what for? His senpai just said he wanted to catch up with him, and that he might be able to help him find a place to work part-time. He sighed, forcing himself to glance up to where Suga was preparing his beverage. There were so many questions going around his head. What did he mean by _boyfriend_? Were they in an actual, real relationship? Were they _like him_? Why had he never known? How could they have friends, a boyfriend, a life, and be _happy_? What had he done _so_ wrong in his life as to not deserve that kind of happiness? He could feel the tears forming in his eyes, and hurried to dry them away with the dirty sleeves of his hoodie, but they just wouldn’t stop.

He decided it was better to just leave and go back to Kenma’s, but before he could even try, a hand was on his shoulder, preventing him from getting up, and another hand placed a tray on the table in front of him. He tried to say something, but nothing would come up. He clenched his hands over his knees, head hanging low.

“I’m sorry, did I say something wrong?” A soft voice asked him, and he felt the couch pillow dip next to him, where the owner of the voice was sitting.

Shouyou hurried to shake his head in denial, sniffling, still unable to speak. He felt the moment he opened his mouth, he wouldn’t be able to stop the sobs forming in his throat. He felt the weight of Suga’s gaze on him, not letting go of the grip on his shoulder. Shouyou shifted uncomfortably on the couch, too embarrassed to do anything. What a first impression he was making on his crush’s boyfriend, huh.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Suga offered, his voice low as to not startle him, and getting closer so no one else would hear. He dragged the tray through the table so it was within Shouyou’s reach, a warm cup of chocolate and a slice of pie waiting for him.

Hinata reluctantly lifted up his chin, his eyes finding Suga’s. The other boy had a gentle, warm smile on his face and it was too much. “Why can’t _I_ be happy?” He bawled before he could stop himself, and it was like a dam crashing down. The tears wouldn’t stop flowing, no matter how many times he rubbed his sleeves on his face, they just kept coming back. He didn’t even understand _why_ he was crying. Suga wasn’t the first person he’d seen smiling, so why had it affected so much? It wasn’t even because he was Daichi's boyfriend, that wasn’t the relationship he expected to have with the older boy. It was just so frustrating to see the casual happiness in his eyes, something that he’d never managed to fake on his own.

Before he understood what was happening, the hand grabbing his shoulder moved away, but then two arms were wrapping around him, gently pulling him into a hug. He was glad there weren’t many people around, because he started sobbing louder against Suga’s shoulder, his fists curling into fists, clutching the fabric of the other’s shirt. He felt ridiculous for his outburst, but he'd never been hugged before, not like that. It had always been him trying to make his little sister feel better, not the other way around.

He wasn't sure how long he'd been crying, but Suga never even attempted to let go of him. He just let him pour his heart out, whispering kind words of encouragement in his ears, a hand combing his hair.

Sometime later, he felt Suga shift his head, still not letting go of the boy between his arms. Shouyou swallowed down a last sob, and let go of the older boy's clothes, only to find his chest and shoulder wet with tears and snot. It was embarrassing, really, but Suga only smiled at him before lifting up a hand to wipe away his tears.

Another voice pulled him out of his thoughts, a voice he hadn't heard in a while, but that had always warmed his heart. "Hey, Hinata, mind if I sit with you?" Daichi asked, a worried expression in his face. Shouyou nodded, wordlessly. Great, that was exactly how he wanted to meet him for the first time in two years, eyes red and puffy and voice hoarse from crying. Daichi looked like a proper adult, and he felt like a little kid.

"I'll go warm up your chocolate and leave you two to catch up," Suga offered, getting up as soon as his boyfriend was seated in front of him. Hinata nodded again, but didn't say anything. After what he'd done to his shirt, he figured he might as well let him in into why he was acting like a brat, so he decided to wait until he was back before explaining himself.

Suga was faster than he expected, and he didn't feel ready yet. Something in his face must have given him up, because Daichi was quick to lift up a hand. "You don't need to say anything if you don't want to. But we're in case you do," he stated. Hinata nodded yet again, as if that was the only thing he was capable of doing, and reached for his drink, hoping it would calm him down.

Once he finished his warm beverage and ate all his pie, he realized he would never be really ready to talk about this, so he might as well just do it. So he told them about his childhood, how his parents neglected him, his father leaving them, how badly his mother treated him and his sister. He even talked about his confusion about boys, his worries about Natsu's future, and how much he wished he could just stop existing. He talked and talked, stuff he hadn't even told Kenma, and the whole time he could feel Suga's hand going up and down his back, letting him know he was there, listening.

When he finally stopped speaking, he saw Daichi and Suga exchange glances, having what he assumed was a silent conversation. He shifted in his seat. "Hinata, would you wait here for a few minutes? Please, don't leave, we'll be back before you know it," Daichi asked, placing a hand on his shoulder. Shouyou nodded, confused, and watched them leave towards what seemed to be an employee's-only room. What was going on? Was he such a weirdo that they had felt the need to get away to catch their breath? He looked down at his phone, wondering how Natsu was feeling. She was probably too excited about finally leaving Miyagi behind to be worried about their future.

Not even five minutes later, the couple was back, sitting again with him on the couch, one on each side.

"Hinata, how would you feel about staying with us?" Daichi was the first to speak, a serious look in his face.

Shouyou frowned. "What?" He voiced his thoughts, not understanding. "I'm… I'm staying with Kenma and Akaashi for a few weeks, until I can get a place of my own," he mumbled, looking between them.

The other two shared a look again. "That's what we meant," it was Suga who spoke now. "We have more than enough space in our house. You and your sister could have each your own room, and you can stay for as long as you want, a whole year, two, even more if you need," he explained, while his boyfriend nodded to show his approval.

Shouyou's mind was spinning. "Are you sure?" He couldn't refrain himself from asking. "I don't know how much I'll be able to afford, I haven't even found a job, yet."

"Well, that's the point. You wouldn't need to pay rent. It was my grandmother's house, but now it's mine and it's too big for just the two of us," Daichi insisted, his expression warming up.

Shouyou opened his mouth, only to close it again when he realized nothing logical would come out of it. "I don't know what to say," he admitted, staring down at his empty cup. "Why would you do that for us? We don't even know each other that much." Why was he trying so hard to deny them when all he wanted was to say _yes, please, let me share some of your happiness_?

"You know, Daichi and I started dating during our first year of senior high. It was hard keeping it a secret from everyone, even our friends, worried that it would cause us trouble or that people would look at us wrong," Suga started talking. Shouyou focused on him, not quite understanding why he was telling him that. He seemed to read the confusion in his face, because he immediately continued. "What I want to say is, we know a thing or two about hiding the real you and your feelings. It wasn't until we moved to Tokyo that we finally felt free to be ourselves and stop hiding," he finished, and comprehension dawned on Shouyou's face. That was _exactly_ what he wanted. To be himself.

He glimpsed at Daichi, and the way he was smiling at his boyfriend made Shouyou's stomach flip, remembering how his crush was born with the first smile his senpai had directed at him. But then he looked back at Suga, who was still focused on the younger boy, waiting for his answer, and he could see him biting down a smile, as if he already knew what Shouyou would reply and was genuinely happy about it. It wasn't fair, not being able to hate his crush's boyfriend because he happened to be the most caring and selfless person he'd ever met. They really were meant for each other, he thought.

Shouyou took a deep breath and counted to ten before replying, not wanting to sound too eager. "Okay. If you're absolutely sure, then… yes, I, I mean, we would love to move in with you," he accepted, solemnly nodding, as if this decision wouldn't change his whole life.

Daichi grinned, reaching to ruffle his hair and Suga cheered, jumping closer to hug them both. Shouyou didn't even try to stop the smile from growing in his face. A _real_ smile. How weird was that?


	2. Hard to Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tobio wasn’t sure what was wrong with him. Ever since he was a kid, he’d always found it hard to connect with others. He had always been the weirdo of the class, scaring everyone away with his permanent scowl and harsh words. It’s not like he meant to, though. He really didn’t. It was just his face. Even when he tried to smile, people would freak out, saying that was even more scarier. Why was it so hard to start a conversation? And even worse, why couldn’t he be able to keep one going? He didn’t know how to approach others, nor understand the cues and meanings behind their actions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not a lot of action on this chapter - sorry! But I wanted to keep Kageyama’s introduction in a single chapter and then start the actual story on the next one. It will be up sooner than this chapter was, to make up for the lack of real progress. One Way Ticket Home will be updated first, though.
> 
> Title from Hard to Love, by ONE OK ROCK - like most of the chapters, and even the series.  
>  
> 
> Come talk to me about soft boys @ [Tumblr](https://allmycharactersaregay.tumblr.com/)

Tobio wasn’t sure what was wrong with him. Ever since he was a kid, he’d always found it hard to connect with others. He had always been the weirdo of the class, scaring everyone away with his permanent scowl and harsh words. It’s not like he meant to, though. He really didn’t. It was just his face. Even when he tried to smile, people would freak out, saying that was even more scarier. Why was it so hard to start a conversation? And even worse, why couldn’t he be able to keep one going? He didn’t know how to approach others, nor understand the cues and meanings behind their actions. What did they expect from him? What did he have to do to please them?

Even harder to please was his father, a renowned lawyer from Miyagi. Tobio was supposed to follow in his footsteps and get a degree in law school, to join him in his firm, and eventually inherit it. And he was to find a ‘fine woman’ to marry and have kids, because that’d give him a more respectable image. But that wasn’t what he wanted. Not that he knew what he wanted, but he was sure it wasn’t _that_. How was he supposed to be a lawyer, to defend people, to form a family, when he couldn’t even _talk_ to others? His father never understood him, though, so he still had his highest expectations for his son. As soon as his grades slipped down by the slightest amount, all of his privileges would be cancelled until they got back up. His privileges being access to his computer and his phone, so he couldn’t contact his friends and get distracted. What his father failed to realize was that it didn’t really matter. Tobio never had any friends, and no one ever tried to contact him out of school.

It wasn’t something that bothered him too much. He didn’t need others, and he didn’t mind being always by himself. It was all he’d ever known, anyway. He couldn’t miss having friends if he didn’t know what that meant. Being left out of class hangouts and study sessions wasn't a big deal, they were too loud for his taste, too sensitive to his words, and trying so hard to please everyone was tiring. Constantly practicing what he was going to say, overthinking what he _had_ said. It wasn't worth it.

But then he got into volleyball. It was the first time something had made him feel enthusiastic, and looking forward to school days so he could go to practice. And he was good at it. A prodigy, his head coach said. A genius, some even claimed. They all saw a huge future for him, and for once he found himself believing it.

There was a _tiny_ big detail, though. You can't play volleyball by yourself. And his teammates weren't any easier to talk to than the other boys from school. They were worse, actually, because no matter how much he tried to make them understand how to better position themselves to hit his tosses, or to motivate them to make more efforts to chase the ball, they never listened to him. He was too arrogant, too bossy. The King of the Court, they started calling him.

By his third year in Kitagawa Daiichi Junior High, his teammates were done with him. Their relationship had been growing tenser match after match, a few of them even asking their coach to have him removed from the team. But the assistant coach, a young man named Iwaizumi, always insisted on giving him another chance. They just had to keep trying to get better, Tobio at communicating with others, the rest of the group at being more tolerant to his hardships. He seemed to be the only one who still believed in him, knowing Tobio didn’t mean to be a jerk, but the others didn’t care anymore.

They were halfway during their last match of the qualifying rounds for Junior Nationals. After losing their first set, the pressure was more present than ever, and it made all of their problems even more evident. Every time the ball touched the floor on their side the frustration grew louder, and his teammates kept glaring at their Head Coach, who did nothing about the situation. They decided to take matters into their own hands, then, and just stopped hitting Tobio’s tosses. The other team would serve, someone would receive and lift up the ball, but once it left Tobio’s hands, no one would follow up, letting the ball ungracefully fall onto the floor. The third time it happened, the coach finally benched him. They still lost, and, of course, they blamed it all on Tobio as if he’d been the only one at fault.

He stopped playing volleyball after that, and barely managed to pass all of his classes during the rest of the school year. Iwaizumi would corner him every now and then, asking him to come back, but Tobio’s answer was always the same: what’s the point? He was grateful for the older’s intervention, but he was done. All the thrill of playing the sport had disappeared, anyway, and he no longer looked forward to practice or matches. Or anything at all, actually. If he wasn't worth their effort, then they weren't worth his.

✧

He was supposed to start Senior High, having been accepted into Karasuno, but he never bothered to show up. He cancelled his application and pretended to go to classes every morning so his father wouldn’t find out, and just wandered around town instead. It wasn’t that he was depressed because of what happened, not even sad. He just had no interest in being around people, and somehow it seemed like a good idea to his 16 years old immature self. Maybe he had seen too many movies. But dropping out of school as a teenager wasn’t as easy as he expected, and soon a teacher from school was calling his parents to ask if their son was sick and when would he start attending classes.

His parents had never been so disappointed at him before. He had never been enough in their eyes to begin with, but this was too much. They yelled at him for hours, arguing about how an ungrateful son he was, and how much shame he kept bringing to the Kageyama name. For the first time in his life, Tobio fought back, and let his father know he had no plan of following his wishes, he was his own person and he would do whatever he wanted with his life. It didn’t go well. Especially when he said he’d never give him the kind of family he was expecting, because he didn’t even _like_ girls. There was no need to clarify what he meant by that for his father to understand. He was given an ultimatum, his parents would financially support him until his last year of Senior High, as to not embarrass the family any more, but then he’d had to move out, and would not receive a single cent from them. He had lost every right to call himself their son. _Good riddance_ , Tobio thought in his fury. He still failed to see how bad that could possibly be for his future.

He was forced back into school, but since the Kageyamas never acknowledged the real reason why their son hadn’t started classes and wanted to avoid people talking about it, they decided to switch him to a different school. They had to move a lot of connections in order to manage it, but eventually Tobio found himself at the front gate of Aobajohsai. He waited until his mother’s car disappeared from sight, and turned around to leave again. His face crashed into something hard, and he blinked, confused, taking a step back. Iwaizumi was standing there, a stern expression on his face, lips forming a tight straight line.

“I knew you were going to pull one of your tricks again,” the young man said, as a way of greeting.

Tobio frowned, not understanding what his ex-coach was doing there.

“I heard what happened with Karasuno,” Iwaizumi explained, frowning, arms crossed over his chest.

“I have no interest in dealing with school again. It’s not worth the trouble, I can’t stand all these people around me,” Tobio excused himself before the other could ask.

"That's not a good enough reason to drop out of school, Kageyama. Are you really going to throw away your education, just because people suck?" While his words were harsh, his voice was gentle.

"That's exactly what I plan to do, yes. I'm a good for nothing after all, apparently," Tobio said, pretending not to care. His face betrayed him.

"You know that isn't true," Iwaizumi replied with a scolding tone.

Tobio shrugged. Why was he trying so hard to convince him?

"I talked to your father," the man tried a different approach. Tobio gulped.

"Then you know why I'm doing this. I'd rather find a job and get out of there if he's going to kick me out anyway," he stated, as if he had life all figured out.

"You are not. You will finish school and then you're getting a scholarship to move into a dorm. I can help you get to Tokyo." His tone didn't seem to leave much room for argument.

"Why?" Tobio demanded, his voice going louder and his frown deeper. Why couldn't he just let him give up like the coward he was?

"You're wasting away your talent. You know you want this, I've seen your face when you play." Iwaizumi ran a hand through his own hair in frustration.

That statement brought more pain to his chest, but he fought to ignore it. "I can't play in a team. You should know that by now," he grunted. Why did he care so much, anyway, when no one else did?

"Maybe it wasn't the right team for you. I know one of the coaches from Aobajohsai. He'll know how to deal with it if the same happens here," the man insisted, his eyes leaving him to focus somewhere to his right.

He wanted to believe it. He really did. His gaze kept switching between the front of the school and the street, trying to make up his mind. His first instinct was to run away again, but what if Iwaizumi was right?

"Iwa-chan!" A loud voice pulled him out of his thoughts. A brunette, dressed in sport clothes, was running towards them, arm waving and a smile plastered on his face.

Tobio raised an eyebrow at the nickname, eyeing his senpai, who said nothing until the other guy finally approached them. "You're late," he observed.

"Sorry, sorry," he shook his hand as if blowing something away, sticking out his tongue and winking at Iwaizumi, who just looked at him unfazed. "Is this Tobio-chan?" He asked, turning towards the younger boy.

Tobio was scowling already. Who the hell was this guy and what made him think he could refer to him with such a ridiculous name?

"This is Kageyama Tobio,” he corrected. “Kageyama, Shittykawa here is one of the coaches on the volleyball team, he-” before Iwaizumi could finish talking, Tobio was already lifting up a hand to stop him.

“I’m not going back to volleyball,” he insisted. How many times would they have this same discussion?

“Iwa-chan, you told me you found an amazing setter,” Oikawa whined. What the heck was wrong with this guy? Was he really an adult?

Iwaizumi ignored him, focusing his gaze in Tobio. He just stared at him for a minute before talking again. “Are you sure?” The man asked, raising both eyebrows.

“Yes,” he lied. It made no sense to keep arguing about it, he’d rather just drop the subject and save himself the pain.

“You’re welcome to come watch our practices, maybe it will change your mind?” Oikawa offered with a bright smile. _Fake_ , Tobio thought.

“I don’t think I will, but I appreciate the offer, Shitikawa-san,” Tobio replied as politely as he could, even adding a barely perceptible bow of his head.

Iwaizumi snorted, and Oikawa blinked at him, perplexed. “Wh-what did you just call me?” he squeaked, a hand going up to his gaping mouth.

Tobio failed to understand the reactions of the two supposedly adults in front of him. “Isn’t that your name? Iwaizumi said-” he couldn’t finish talking because Iwaizumi was now laughing out loud, stopping him mid-phrase.

“Hajime!” The brunette whined. “See what you did? Now he thinks that’s my actual name!” He complained, looking more and more outraged seeing how the other just couldn’t stop laughing.

Tobio’s gaze kept switching between them, flustered. He knew he had said something wrong, again. But he didn’t get what, and it was frustrating. Why did all of his attempts at communication always end up with him not understanding what went wrong? Why were they acting like that?

Iwaizumi sighed, wiping away a tear with his index finger. “I’m sorry, Kageyama. This is Oikawa Tooru, my husband,” he explained, and Oikawa’s frown was immediately replaced with a smirk, puffing out his chest, as if he was really proud of that fact and nothing else mattered in the whole world.

Tobio tried to stop the surprise from showing in his face, but his eyes went wide. He did not see _that_ coming. He didn’t get to comment on it, though, because as soon as he opened his mouth to do so, the school bell rang and an arm flung over his shoulders, pulling him towards the building.

“We better get going, Tobio-chan,” Oikawa singsonged. “My husband will murder me if I don’t make sure you go to your classes,” he said. “Or worse: he’ll divorce me,” he clutched his chest dramatically.

Tobio barely managed to wave back at Iwaizumi and let himself be guided by the older man, finding himself too stunned to react.

✧

Oikawa had eventually gotten him to agree to watch their practices, if only to keep him from whining about it. Tobio was reluctant, at first. He could feel his fingers twitching every time the ball was in the air, aching to get in the field, but too afraid to act on it. Oikawa didn’t pressure him, but he did mention every day how much the team needed a setter, since their previous one had just graduated.

Tobio found the man hard to read. Not being able to hold a meaningful conversation with others, he had spent a lot of time just observing them, and everything he could get from Oikawa was that he was fake. His constant smiles and happy tone of his voice too forced. He wondered what Iwaizumi could like so much about someone like him, who was the total opposite of his husband. Maybe that was the point? What confused him the most was the fact that he acted as if he didn’t care about the young boy, but he was always making sure he had brought lunch with him, and sharing his when he didn’t, which was almost every day. He was used to people pretending to be nice and caring, not the opposite.

While he didn’t actively _dislike_ the man, he didn’t like him either. They kept bickering over Tobio’s refusal to at least practice just the two of them, Oikawa arguing that he would lose shape and would regret it once he came back to the sport. Why was everyone so sure that he would go back? Why did they keep feeding him hope, letting him believe he could go back, when he was too much of a coward to even try?

He knew it was Oikawa who always conveniently forgot to lock the gym after practice, leaving Tobio the opportunity to stay behind and practice for an hour before putting everything back in its place and taking the key to the staff room. Neither of them acknowledged it, but almost a month after their silent arrangement, Tobio finally felt guilty enough and acceded to let Oikawa join him.

Their one-on-one practices slowly turned into something more, when other members of the team started spontaneously joining them. They all seemed thick-skinned enough as to not be bothered by his harsh words when someone wasn’t up to par with his tosses, and before he knew it he was taking part of the actual practice as their main setter. He still wasn’t comfortable around them, and he definitely didn’t feel like he belonged in the team, but it was enough. They had a setter that actually knew how to play the position, and he had players willing to follow his setups.

✧

By the time his third and final year of Senior High had ended, he had gone to nationals for the third time in a row, although they never managed to win. His relationship with the rest of the team had remained the same, they weren’t more than people who happened to play a sport together towards a common goal.

His father kept his promise and, right after graduation day, Tobio was kicked out of his house. His old man wasn’t the only one true to his word, though, because that same night he found himself crashing on Iwaizumi’s couch. Oikawa had been waiting for the end of the school year to resign from his position as Aobajohsai’s coach and move to Tokyo with his husband, who had already settled over there a year earlier. He drove Tobio to the big city, taking with him everything that still mattered to him from his childhood bedroom.

The couple helped him get into a University with a sports scholarship, so he would be able to attend even without his family’s support. Once he was all set up in his new dorm, he focused on finding a job, not wanting to depend on anyone ever again. He knew he owed this chance to Iwaizumi, though, and he’d make sure to pay him back someday. He ended up being hired at a video games shop, Arcadia. How someone thought a boy as awkward as him could actually convince somebody to buy anything was beyond his understanding. But according to Akaashi, the guy who interviewed him, every other employee was a weirdo as well. He also said their regular clients were even worse, so he shouldn’t worry too much about that.

He wasn’t so far from the truth, Tobio soon realized, and after a while working at the store he was pretty much used to dealing with customers, as long as all he had to do was talk about the product in question and ring whatever they were buying.

His coworkers weren’t so bad, in general. Akaashi was the most serious one, maybe too polite for his taste, but he never bothered him about not smiling at their customers. Now that he thought about it, he wasn’t sure anyone at the place actually knew how to smile. Kenma was his favorite, mostly because he barely talked and that meant not having to put effort into keeping a conversation flowing. He could use with a little less staring, though. It could get a little intimidating after a while.

But then a new boy started visiting the store regularly. After a few weeks in sales he could tolerate most people by now, jerks, too-talkative customers, and he could even manage to deal with old ladies buying stuff they didn’t understand a single thing about. What he could not stand, though, were fakes. He had spent enough time observing people to recognize one when he saw them, and that's what the orange-haired boy was. A fake. It was easy to see, his voice so loud, his smile so bright, but his eyes so empty.

Over time he had gotten to understand Oikawa and his facade. He knew now that he was terrified of being left on the sidelines if he wasn’t the nicest, coolest guy around. And while at first Oikawa only took care of him to look good in front of Iwaizumi, who had asked him to look after Tobio, they eventually bonded and formed some kind of friendship. He had grown to accept him as he was, after getting to know the real man behind the mask. But this other guy? What could he possibly expect to gain with his happy, friendly, act, talking to him as if they were friends already, when all Tobio did was rather harshly demanding to be left alone?

And why did he keep coming almost every day and not buying anything, just chatting with whoever was working that day, as if he belonged there? Did he have nothing better to do with his life? As far as he knew, the noisy weirdo was there to visit Kenma, so why couldn’t he just talk to him instead of bothering the rest? Akaashi didn’t seem to mind, but he never seemed to care about anything, anyway.

But every time Hinata as much as looked his way, Tobio would pretend to be suddenly very interested in helping a customer or filling an online order. He just couldn’t stand him, and after a few loud arguments, the feeling was mutual. Hinata finally stopped trying to talk to him. Why did Tobio feel so guilty, though, if that was exactly what he had asked him to do?


	3. Live While You Breathe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata and Kageyama try to adapt to their new lives in Tokyo, and to each other. It doesn't go too well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last introductory chapter. The story finally starts running after this.  
> I hope POV changes are clear! Let me know if they aren't, I've never tried alternating POVs before.
> 
> I know the tags say KageHina, and that's the endgame. There's a slight KenHina first but it's only temporary!! If you read One Way Ticket Home then you'll know I can't keep these dorks separated for too long.

Living in Tokyo was completely different than just staying there for the weekend to visit friends. Shouyou soon found himself overwhelmed by the city’s craziness, and he was glad Suga and Daichi’s place was close to his University. He was slightly terrified of getting lost during his commute. The couple had been taking turns to accompany him and his sister everywhere, making sure they learned their way to and back to the places they would need to visit more.

The change from school to university was tough. He wanted to become a teacher and help other kids in the same way Daichi had helped him. His grades had never been the greatest, but he was determined to be the best in class. While he had planned to get a job as soon as they were settled in Tokyo, Daichi convinced him to wait at least a year, arguing that he wouldn't be able to achieve his short term goals if he did so. He had a point, getting used to the frantic life in a big city, taking care of his sister and focusing on his studies was a lot, especially when struggling with depression. Daichi and Suga said they would cover all their needs during the first year, and that Hinata could just pay them back once he got back on his feet. A part of him was sure they wouldn't actually accept payment for their help, but he would find one way or another to make it up to them. They were his saviors, after all.

Even harder was helping Natsu adapt, having changed schools right in her last year of primary school. He knew it might've been easier for her if they just waited a year, when she would have had to change schools anyway, but she had been adamant about not waiting a single day longer than necessary. Shouyou had nothing to object against that. He sometimes felt like he was drowning in a glass of water, though. She was quick to make friends, and her genuine positive attitude made his heart grow warmer, seeing how strong the little girl was. He was so proud of her, and would do anything in his power to make sure of all her dreams came true.

Living with his crush was a whole issue on its own. He thought that not having seen the man in person for two years might have done something to lessen his feelings. But how are you supposed to get over someone who’s given you a chance at a normal life, when the rest of the world seemed to be against your happiness? You just _can’t_. And living with your crush and his boyfriend? Not great. Because as much as it sucked seeing Daichi being lovey-dovey with someone else, Shouyou adored Suga. Even though at first he had been jealous of his easy and sincere smile, he now felt all fuzzy when it was directed at him. He felt loved, and cared for, and that was new. He had felt the warmth of friendship before, Kenma still was his pillar, but this was different. This felt like _family_.

✧

Now that they lived in the same city, Shouyou and Kenma had been spending more time together. Sometimes Lev or Akaashi would join them, but it was usually just the two of them playing video games in Kenma’s bedroom, or working on his class assignments while keeping him company at his job, all the while both of them grieving about their heartaches. He knew Kenma had it worse than him. Shouyou liked Daichi, but he’d never been in love with him. He wasn’t sure how being in love felt, actually. And seeing how his best friend was still hurting even two years after Kuroo ditched him, he wasn’t too interested in finding out. Until one day, he changed his mind.

They were sitting on Kenma's couch, playing old games on the Nintendo 64 Kenma had gotten him for his birthday. Shouyou had been silent all night and failing at every game they tried. By the eleventh time Link drowned, Kenma's patience was running thin.

"What's wrong?" He asked, taking the controller from him in order to pass this part of the game once and for all.

"Huh?" Was all that came from Shouyou's mouth.

Kenma sighed. "The Water Temple isn't that hard, not even by your standards," he observed.

"Are you kidding me? It's the worst part of the game!" Shouyou argued, raising his voice.

"What's wrong?" He repeated, not bothering to discuss the difficulty of the game any further. Kenma knew him well enough to know he was just trying to dodge his question.

"Daichi's gonna propose to Suga," he said after a minute, shoulders slouching.

"Oh," it was Kenma's turn now to be out of words.

"It's weird, you know?" Shouyou said. Kenma didn't really know, but abstained from pointing that out. "I feel… It's like I'm torn between being happy for them and sad for myself," he furrowed his eyebrows. "I _hope_ he says yes, because I can't imagine them ever being with someone else than each other. They're like... _Soulmates_ ," he sighed, glaring at a random point on the wall. "And it sucks… It's not that I thought I would stand a chance or anything. But it makes me wonder, why is it that I can't just find someone who could feel that way about me?" He bit the inside of cheek in frustration.

Kenma chuckled drily. _That_ , he did understand. "I heard from Yaku that Kuro has been sleeping around lately," he said. While Shouyou wasn't glad of his best friend's unhappiness, he appreciated the fact that Kenma always knew how to approach his self doubting. He didn't need empty words of 'oh, I'm sure you'll find someone one day'. He needed to be understood, knowing he wasn't the only one who felt like he did. "I can't stop asking myself what's so wrong with me that I wasn't worth his time," he frowned, a hand fiddling with a thread hanging from the hem of his shirt.

Shouyou stood silent for a moment, deep in thought. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, debating over whether he should voice his thoughts or not. "Maybe we should date," he finally said. Kenma stared at him, eyes scanning his face for the meaning behind his words. “I mean, we’re already best friends, right?" Shouyou continued, and Kenma silently nodded at him. "I just thought… I don’t know, ughh” he interrupted himself, hands ruffling his own hair.

“To get over them?” Kenma asked, face unreadable. How was he able to remain so calm? Shouyou felt ready to crawl under the bed to never come out again.

The ginger nodded, holding his breath. “It would be nice to have someone…” It seemed like a good idea when it first crossed his mind minutes ago, but now? What if he had just fucked up their friendship? He couldn't lose Kenma of all people.

Kenma licked his lips and scrunched his nose, deep in thought. _Oh, that face can't be good_ , thought Shouyou. But Kenma proved him wrong. “Okay," he agreed after too many minutes and Shouyou's lungs started working again.

"Okay," Shouyou repeated and shyly smiled at his now boyfriend, scooting closer to him and bumping their shoulders together. Kenma rewarded him with a tiny smile of his own, and he realized for the first time that he was actually kinda cute. Maybe this wouldn't be so hard, after all.

They unpaused the game and Shouyou managed to beat the Water Temple at the second try. It was easier to focus on the smaller things in life when the bigger ones didn't seem like an impending doom anymore.

 

A few hours later, they were both sprawled on their backs on the double bed, Kenma distractedly humming the Gerudo Valley song while scrolling through social media on his phone. Shouyou had been staring at the ceiling, trying to gather the courage to say what was on his mind. This wasn’t the first time they had shared a bed, Kenma always too lazy to bother with an extra futon, but they had never done so as anything more than friends.

Shouyou cleared his throat twice before speaking. “Hey, Kenma?” He called, watching him from the corner of his eyes.

“Hm?” Kenma replied, not taking his eyes off his screen.

“Can I kiss you?” He asked, feeling his ears and cheeks burn. When no answer came, he turned to his side, only to find golden eyes staring at him, Kenma’s expression undecipherable. He felt the urge to crawl under the closest furniture for the second time that night.

Without a word, Kenma placed his phone over his nightstand and moved to kneel on the bed. Shouyou gulped and wondered if he was about to get kicked out of the room, but before he could start muttering an apology Kenma was patting the mattress in front of him. Shouyou took a few deep breaths, willing his heart to calm down, but when it didn’t work he pressed his lips together, not sure of what the gesture had meant.

“Shouyou,” Kenma pulled him from his thoughts. “Stop thinking so much and come here,” he ordered, face going gentler now, and patted the bed again.

Shouyou’s breath hitched and he hurried to sit on his legs in front of Kenma, their knees touching. Their height difference wasn’t as evident in this position, with Kenma slightly bending down. He wasn’t sure what to do now. He’d never kissed someone before, what if he was terrible and Kenma regretted agreeing? Wait, had he even _agreed_ to kiss him? He hadn’t actually voiced his consent, only told him to sit up. Was that a yes?

Kenma sighed. “Let me know when you’re done overthinking,” he deadpanned, moving to reach for his phone, but Shouyou finally reacted and grabbed his wrist to stop him. Kenma sat back, eyeing him, brows knitted together. It was clear now that he was just as nervous as him, but trying to hide it.

This realization gave him some much needed bravery and Shouyou lifted his free hand to softly poke Kenma’s forehead, forcing him to relax his expression, and then cupped his cheek. Kenma licked his lips and Shouyou followed the movement with his eyes, curious about how they would feel against his. He traced Kenma’s lower lip with his thumb, and they both stopped breathing when Shouyou started leaning in and stopped right before their lips touched. He lifted up his gaze to meet Kenma’s, silently asking for his permission, and he answered with an almost imperceptible nod.

Shouyou closed the distance between them and their noses bumped. Kenma snorted and Shouyou felt dumb and started to pull back, embarrassed. He seemed to pick up on his awkwardness and followed him before he managed to get away. Tilting his head, Kenma kissed him, barely brushing their lips together at first, and applying more pressure when Shouyou didn’t push him away. Kenma’s lips were chapped, probably from biting down on them so much, and still tasted like the apple pie they had for dessert after dinner.

The kiss didn't last long, and they were both blushing furiously when it ended, feeling too shy to say anything about it. Shouyou couldn't stop himself from wondering if this had been a mistake, but how could it be when no part of it had felt wrong? Was he forcing Kenma to like him? What if he only agreed to dating him out of pity?

Kenma seemed to sense his internal panic because soon he was nudging Shouyou's chin with his finger, making him look up. "Shut your brain off for a minute and let's go to sleep," he said, before briefly kissing him again and moving to get under the covers, dragging the ginger with him. That was the fastest he fell asleep in years, feeling safe in the arms of his best friend.

✧

Not much changed between them. Their friendship was still the same, they kept playing video games until late at night and marathoning entire animes, but their hangouts now included makeout sessions, slowly getting bolder as time passed.

The ever observing Akaashi seemed to guess how this all had started but didn't comment on it, only expressing his support for the both of them. Daichi was happy for them, talking about how good they'd always been for each other as friends, and the way Suga smiled and hugged him made him think he had always known about Shouyou’s feelings for his boyfriend, too caring to mention anything that could make him feel bad about it.

It felt good, being with Kenma. It didn't magically solve his heartache and he still hadn't gotten over Daichi, and he knew Kenma still thought of his childhood jerk of a friend, but it helped them cope and feel less lonely. Every now and then, though, Shouyou would still find himself pondering if Kenma was dating him out of a sense of obligation or if he genuinely liked him. It was Shouyou who almost always initiated physical contact, after all. The rational part of his brain knew that his friend never said or agreed to things he didn't want to. But the other, loudest part of his brain, wasn't as convinced. It screamed at him all night long that he wasn't worth anyone's love, that Kenma was just pretending to care until he found someone better. Those were the nights when Kenma would stay awake, showering him with affection until he felt better and the self deprecating voice shut up.

✦

Tobio had been working at Arcadia for a few months now. It was exhausting, dealing with people when you don’t know how to communicate with them. Most clients were quiet, just wanting to buy their stuff and get out of there, but some of them would try and force a conversation with him. They would ask him the most random things, like which games he was playing (none), who was his main on Smash Bros (what?), what his gametag was (huh?) and one of them even asked for his phone number (why?). Akaashi actually laughed at him on that last occasion, and being the first time Tobio had seen him break his impassive expression, he had never felt more betrayed.

The fake sunshine boy started coming more often to hang out with Kenma, but never did much of an effort to talk to him again. Their only interaction was glaring at each other from across the store, except when the shrimp’s little sister came along, forcing her stubborn older brother to be polite and say hi. Tobio would just scowl at him and mumble a dry greeting, followed by a ‘dumbass’ under his breath.

The kid wasn’t as annoying as Hinata, her chipper attitude seemingly more genuine, but she was just as loud as him. She had been learning to bake with Suga, whoever that was, and kept bringing the results of her work to the store, to share with everyone. Tobio wasn’t a big fan of sweets, but he didn’t know how to politely decline a little girl’s offer so he just accepted them, pretending to like them. Did that make him a fake? It couldn’t be so terrible if it was just to avoid hurting a kid’s feelings, right?

Tobio was checking on online orders, Natsu sitting next to him since the counter was the only comfortable area to work on her homework. She was being strangely quiet, but by the third time she sighed loudly he wondered what could make a 13 year old girl sigh so much. Was it because she was struggling with her homework? Or was it something more serious? He knew the right thing to do was to ask if she was ok, but what if she wasn’t? He wasn’t prepared to deal with comforting a kid, or anyone for that matter.

“I miss my mom,” she said, out of the blue and not giving him a chance to decide if he wanted to know or not. She propped her elbow on the table, head resting on her hand, a deep frown on her face.

“Oh,” he shifted in his seat, feeling uneasy. He couldn’t relate, still resenting his own mother for not defending him in front of her husband.

“Are you supposed to miss someone who made your life miserable?” She asked, without even glancing at him, and Tobio almost fell off his stool.

He stared at her, astonished. Where did that come from? And why was she asking him? Couldn’t she just talk to her friends? Or her brother? Tobio looked up to see Hinata was glaring at him from the other side of the room. What was _his_ problem? He heard Natsu sighing again and focused back on her, remembering he never replied. She didn’t seem to be expecting an answer, though, busy scowling at her homework as if it had personally offended her.

Tobio tried to think of anything to say, but once he realized his brain wouldn’t cooperate, he chose to change the subject instead. “Do you need help with that?” he pointed at her open notebook with a tilt of his head. While he wasn’t thrilled by the idea of helping a junior high student with math, it sounded better than the possible minefield of talking about her family drama.

She gaped at him, like getting out of a trance, and nodded before moving her stool closer to his. It didn’t take them long to realize he had no future whatsoever as a teacher, but he still did his best and she never complained about his soon obvious lack of patience, Tobio getting more frustrated every time he had to repeat an explanation.

“You’re terrible at this,” someone mocked from behind them, making them both jump and turn towards the voice.

Tobio glowered at the mop of orange hair. “Why don’t you help her yourself, then, and try to act like a good brother, instead of letting others do it for you?” He barked back, completely oblivious as to how much those words could hurt him.

Hinata’s face went blank, and Tobio knew he had hit a sore spot when he didn't get a reply. "We're leaving, Natsu," the ginger announced, prompting the girl to put her stuff away, and making a point of not looking at him on his way out.

"He was just trying to help me, Sho, there was no need to be mean about it," she scoffed, but her brother was long gone, waiting at the door. She offered Tobio a shy smile followed by a wave before getting off her seat to go after her brother.

"Hey, kid?" He stopped her, without really thinking. She looked at him, waiting for him to speak. "You can't choose who you miss. You shouldn't feel bad about it," he said, a blush creeping up his face. What on Earth was he doing, giving emotional advice?

Natsu's eyes went wide for a second, before settling back into a calmer version of herself. She sent another smile his way, warmer this time, and thanked him before leaving.

✦

Shouyou was fuming. Who the hell did that jerk think he was, judging his aptitude to take care of his sister? As if he hadn’t been doubting himself every single day of his life since Natsu was born. There were a lot of things he had to improve about himself, he was well aware of that, but he knew he was a good brother… Wasn’t he? Maybe he really was awful at it, but Natsu loved him too much to tell him? She did seem down earlier that day, was that why she went to talk to Kageyama instead of him? And why _him_ , of all people?

“Shouyou!” A small hand grabbed his, stopping his train of thoughts and making him slow down to a halt. He turned his head to a side to find a sulking Natsu next to him, almost out of breath. How long had she been running behind him? He didn’t even realize how fast he had been walking, but they were almost at Daichi’s place already. Had she been calling for him and he didn’t listen? Crap, he really was a terrible brother.

“Shouyou!!” She insisted, trying to get his attention, shaking his hand for good measure. “He only offered to help me so I would stop asking him weird questions,” she explained once she got him to look at her.

“I know… I heard what you said,” he admitted, tugging her arm so they could move out of the way, still standing on the middle of the sidewalk, and started walking again. “You know you can talk to me about anything, right?” He suddenly didn’t feel so confident she trusted him with her feelings.

Natsu nodded. “I didn’t want you to be sad… You always make this sad face when talking about her, and I didn’t want you to feel guilty about leaving,” she explained. Natsu had always been too perceptive for her own good. How did she know he felt guilty about taking his mother away from her? He knew the woman had hurt them both, mentally and physically, more than once, but she was still a little girl miles away from her mom. It was only natural that she would miss her sometimes, or at least the idea of her.

“He wasn’t wrong, you know?” He said, looping an arm around his sister’s shoulders. He hated to admit Kageyama was right, but the idiot did have a point. “No one expects you to just forget about her. It’s ok to miss her, and our old home,” Shouyou assured her, pulling her closer and placing a kiss on the top of her head.

She smiled and shook her head in denial. “That wasn’t home, though,” Natsu retorted. “This is our home,” she added, beaming at someone in front of them. Shouyou followed her gaze to see Suga was already waving at them from their open door, probably having seen them through the kitchen window where he had been cooking every day with her.

Relief coursed through his body at the reaffirmation that she really was happier living with the couple, far away from the place and people that had brought them so much pain.

✦

Tobio had been living in Tokyo for a little over a year when Kenma brought him the bad news. “Shouyou’s looking for a job,” Kenma said one day, and he didn’t need to elaborate for Tobio to get what he meant by that.

“Too bad we don’t need more help around here,” he was quick to respond, already not liking what he suspected was coming.

“We do,” Kenma rebutted, earning him a loud sigh from Tobio. “Keiji’s going to work less hours since he needs to focus on his last year of University,” he went on, eyes glued to his phone.

Tobio groaned. Great. Now he would have to see him even more. He hoped their work shifts wouldn’t overlap too much, at least, but he knew it was stupid to expect that. As students, both had pretty much the same schedules.

“Why do you hate him so much?” Kenma had stopped typing and was now observing him. It always put Tobio on edge, feeling transparent under his scrutiny. It seemed impossible to fool those golden eyes, like Kenma was some kind of human lie detector.

“I don’t hate him,” he objected. Kenma cocked an eyebrow, not buying it. “No one’s that happy, why is he trying so hard to pretend he is? It’s annoying,” he ranted, not caring about the weird looks that a customer browsing the store was sending his way.

Kenma was mute for a bit, probably deliberating his response. “He's doing his best at dealing with a crappy situation, which is something I think you should be able to understand.” Something in his words made Tobio shrink. “Keiji told me you left your parents house in bad terms,” Kenma mentioned, and shushed Tobio before he could protest at them talking about him. “That’s all he said, I didn’t pry and I don’t care about your reasons, you don’t need to explain yourself to anyone. But neither does Shouyou. All I’m saying is maybe you shouldn’t be so quick to judge," he shrugged. "Your situations might be more similar than you thought,” he added as an afterthought, before grabbing back his phone and making his way to a recently arrived customer.

Tobio watched him leave, taken aback by Kenma’s speech. He didn’t remember him ever talking so much, and that on itself was almost as confusing as his words. What was he supposed to do with them? Look back at all of their past interactions and feeling bad about… what exactly? Hinata was annoying, with or without a sad background story. But that brought back a memory from a few months ago, of walking into the storage room, all lights off, to find him hugging his legs on the floor, face hidden behind his knees. Hinata had jumped to his feet and yelled at Tobio as if he’d done something wrong, and burst out of the room before he could even understand what was going on.

✧

A few days later, Tobio was contemplating murder after a client had come for the third time that week complaining about a game being bugged. The guy went as far as to take his Switch out to show him how he supposedly got stuck because of that damn bug, only to prove he was just shit at playing. But Akaashi had scolded him the last time Tobio said that to a customer, and he struggled to find a polite way of paraphrasing it. Kenma eventually took pity on him, showing the customer the proper way to clear that level, but by then Tobio was done with people.

To make things worse, Kenma had decided Tobio’s day hadn’t been bad enough, and asked him to take over Hinata’s training. Just what he wanted, to be forced to spend more time with him when he could be doing more productive things with his time. Like staring at the ceiling, or counting the leaves of the tree across the street.

“I seriously don’t get how you can _not_ understand this,” he started the fourth time he had to repeat the checkout process. “How did you even manage to get this job if you can’t even scan an item, you dumbass?” He barked at the other boy, scowl growing on his face.

“Well, maybe you suck at explaining, huh?” The other snapped back, climbing down from the stool he was sitting on. “Who died and made you King of the Store, anyway? Y-you… Bakageyama!” He was fuming by now, voice even louder than usual.

“Bakageyama...?” Tobio mumbled, bewildered at the name. He should be getting mad, he usually would be pissed by now, especially after the sour reminder of what his old teammates had called him. But all he could think while watching him stomp away, a pout on his face and his hands curled into fists by his sides, was ‘ _cute_ ’.

Wait, _what_?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment if you enjoyed this??
> 
> And come talk to me about volleyball dumb boys @ [Tumblr](https://allmycharactersaregay.tumblr.com/)


	4. If All Defenses Come Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so late! A lot of stuff happened but now that One Way Ticket Home is over, I should be able to stick to weekly updates on this story.

Tobio avoided Hinata as if he was the plague for the following weeks. He still didn’t know what had gotten over him as to even _think_ of the annoying shorty that way, when only moments ago he’d been complaining about how insufferable and fake he was. All he knew was that he couldn’t let that happen again, and pretending it never happened seemed like the best approach. He had always been good at deceiving himself, after all.

Since his last conversation with Kenma, it was like a switch had been flipped inside his head. Tobio now paid more attention to Hinata's and his sister's actions, especially when they thought no one was watching them. As it turned out, neither of them was as happy as they seemed. He couldn’t understand what was the point of pretending they were. He had never been one to show his emotions, good or bad, real or fake. Only anger and frustration, according to others. So why force themselves to show something they didn’t even feel? More than once he had caught Hinata with a strange expression on his face, lost in thought. Every single time he would send a soft smile his way at realizing he’d been seen, as if apologizing for not being his usual happy self. It never failed to do something _weird_ to his stomach.

 

The store was quiet that day, the only sound being Natsu humming along some pop song on the radio. It was Hinata’s turn to organize the storage room, while Tobio managed the front desk and customers. Luckily for him, it had been a slow afternoon so far, as they usually were during the last few days of each month.

The silence was broken by a yelp followed by the sound of something crashing to the floor. Tobio sighed and went to check on the cause of the ruckus, already imagining what, or who, it was. As expected, as soon as he entered the storage room, he was welcomed by the sight of Hinata sprawled on the floor, a hand rubbing his backside, surrounded by boxes.

“What the hell are you doing?” Tobio asked, scowling at the mess.

“Oh, I’m ok, didn’t hurt myself, thanks for asking,” Hinata said, getting up and patting his pants to get the dust off them. “I tried climbing the shelf to get the boxes from the top, but I fell,” he explained when Tobio didn’t even bother to acknowledge his complains.

“Ever heard of asking for help, since you’re too _short_ to reach them?” He smirked, arms crossing in front of his chest.

Hinata frowned at him. “I can handle it myself,” he replied. “It’s not like you would have helped me, anyway,” he added under his breath.

As much as he wanted to argue, Tobio had to admit that the shrimp wasn’t too far from the truth. He’d never been the most welcoming when others asked him to do anything, no matter how polite or not they were about it. He turned to leave, not wanting to discuss further his willingness to be a nice coworker, when he saw from the corner of his eye that Hinata was about to climb the furniture again.

“You dumbass,” he grunted, grabbing the Hinata’s shoulder to stop him. “Which ones do you need?” He asked, his tone sounding tougher than he intended.

“I said I don’t need your help, Stingy-yama,” Hinata objected stubbornly.

Tobio counted to three instead of smashing his head against the closest wall. “I don’t want to be fired if you fall again and break your neck,” he insisted, yanking him back before Hinata’s feet reached the lower step.

“Geez, I’m moved by your kindness,” Hinata mocked with an eyeroll. “Those two,” he said, pointing at a couple of big boxes peeking over the top shelf.

Tobio reached them without effort, passing them to Hinata. “Get that sorted out and leave the ones you don’t need on the side, I’ll put them back up later,” he ordered, nodding at the boxes still scattered on the floor.

“Okay…” he replied, avoiding his gaze, clearly embarrassed for accepting his help. “Thanks,” he mumbled, and Tobio would have thought he had imagined it, if it weren’t for his pout and the light pink color growing on the top of Hinata’s ears.

Tobio nodded and rushed to get out of there before he muttered something stupid, pressing his back against the wall and hiding his own blush behind his hands. _Fuck_ , he thought. Why was his heart beating so fast?

✦

Almost a year and a half living away from his old home had taught Shouyou a few things.

Working _and_ studying wasn’t as easy as he first thought. Even though Daichi and Suga had assured him they didn’t mind continuing to cover for their expenses until he graduated, Shouyou didn’t want to keep depending on them. As much as he appreciated the help, he wanted to be able the one to provide for his sister.

Blood didn’t necessarily mean family. His mother might have given birth to him, but she had never been his _mom_. Growing up, he had always wondered how it would feel to have a real family. Daichi and Suga were the closest thing he’d ever had to a father figure, always making sure the Hinata siblings felt like they belonged with them. But it wasn’t until he started dating Kenma that Shouyou learned what motherly love felt like.

While he never actually introduced him as his boyfriend, Kenma’s family had been nothing but welcoming. He was sure his mother at least suspected something, seeing how she always insisted on taking them both for lunch when she visited her son, and always asking Kenma to bring Shouyou along with him when he went to his parent’s place. She never pried into the nature of their relationship, though, and Shouyou was thankful for that. He’d rather avoid the awkward conversation. But more than that, he wasn’t sure how much longer it would last.

Because another thing that he had learned during the past year was that you can’t just choose who you love. No matter how nice it was to date his best friend and how compatible they were in many aspects, he still felt _something_ was missing. He couldn’t pinpoint what it was, but he couldn’t shake that feeling. More than once he found himself hoping he could just fall in love with Kenma. It would make everything else so easy. But he couldn’t, not for lack of trying. He knew it would be best to end their relationship before things got weird. But he didn’t want to hurt Kenma, even if he knew he had always been in love with someone else.

Shouyou had been acting fidgety all day at work and, by the time they got to his place, Kenma was done with him avoiding his questions. They went straight to Shouyou’s room, sat on his bed and turned on the TV, putting the first thing that came on Netflix.

“What is it?” Kenma asked when it was obvious neither of them were paying attention to the movie playing on the screen.

Shouyou stared back at him, a lump in his throat. He didn’t even know where to begin. “You know I really care about you, right?” He asked, fiddling with his fingers. Kenma nodded, raising a questioning eyebrow. “You made me feel happier than I’ve been in a while, but—”

“I think we should break up,” Kenma cut him off before he could continue.

“What?” He questioned before his brain could fully process what was going on. Had he guessed what he was trying to say and was trying to get it over with?

“I think we should break up,” Kenma repeated, eyes locked in his.

“Why?” A part of him felt relieved that Kenma had been thinking the same, but did he really? Or was he just saying that because he suspected that’s what Shouyou wanted? Kenma was so hard to read sometimes.

“Why not?” Kenma countered. He didn’t give Shouyou time to reply, though. “You know I care about you too, Shouyou. We’ve been through so much together, I can’t picture my life without you by my side,” he started. “But not like this,” he frowned, signaling the space between them. “I’m not in love with you, and I’m not sure I can be. I don’t think I’ll ever get over Kuro.” He looked pained at the admission, and Shouyou wanted to say something but no sounds came out. “I know you’re not in love with me either. And that’s ok. But I don’t want you to close off to the possibility of meeting someone else, or risk ruining our friendship by forcing ourselves to feel something we don’t. It’s too important to me.” Kenma reached for his hands, as if trying to make sure Shouyou knew he truly meant it.

Shouyou interlaced their fingers and gave him a light squeeze, implying he understood. He was at a loss for words. Kenma never talked too much about something that wasn’t video games, but when he did he always spoke with such clarity that made Shouyou wonder why he thought so lowly of himself. He had managed to express everything Shouyou wanted to say but couldn’t. “I’m so glad one of us is smart enough to break things off before it’s too late,” he laughed half-heartedly, leaning forward to wrap his arms around Kenma’s shoulders.

“I was so worried you’d take it the wrong way,” Kenma huffed out a nervous laugh, hugging him back.

“You’re my best friend.” Shouyou assured him. “I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you over this,” he admitted, squeezing him tighter.

“Sorry, but you’re stuck with me,” Kenma replied, and Shouyou could almost hear the smile in his voice.

They stayed like that for a while, sheltered in each other’s arms. He felt relieved knowing they felt the same. He really would have been lost without Kenma. “We had a good run, didn’t we?” Shouyou asked, gently bumping their foreheads.

“Yeah, we did,” Kenma agreed, smiling, before they kissed for the last time.

✧

Shouyou woke up early the next morning, and got up to find Suga preparing breakfast in the kitchen. He was about to greet him when he saw Daichi was there as well, lovingly watching him cook. Neither of them had noticed him witnessing the scene. Daichi approached his boyfriend, hugging him from behind. Arms snaking around Suga’s waist, chin resting on his shoulder. He was whispering something in his ear, although Shouyou couldn’t hear from where he was standing. He could see both their faces when Suga lifted up his chin to meet the other’s gaze and they smiled at each other. The profound love that was written in their eyes was stronger than anything he’d ever seen before. Those looks used to make him jealous, but now made him immensely happy for them.

That’s when he realized he’d been over his crush for a while now. There wasn’t anyone more perfect for Daichi than Suga, and vice versa. He silently went back to his room, hoping there was someone out there that was just right for him, as the older pair were for each other.

✧

He thought going back to being just friends after dating almost a year would be weird, but it wasn’t. Maybe the first few weeks, trying to get used to their new boundaries, but soon enough they were back to normal. If anything, it had only brought them closer, and any fear he had of losing his best friend had been dissipated. It was like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders, and his mood had improved significantly. Until it was time to go to work, and that meant dealing with the most exasperating guy he had ever met.

 

It was the third day in a row that Kageyama’s phone kept ringing every few minutes, him frowning at its screen and ignoring it. Shouyou had never seen him talk much on the phone, he was a pretty private person, but something in his expression seemed off ever since the calls had started. As curious as he was, though, it was starting to get on his nerves.

“Are you gonna get that?” Shouyou asked the fifth time it rang that morning. He was sitting by the counter, trying to focus on his homework, while the other boy was standing close by, rearranging a display.

Kageyama’s only reply was a scowl. The usual. Shouyou sighed and looked down again at his papers, but then the phone rang again. “Come on, Bakageyama, can’t you at least set it on silent? I can’t think with that thing going on and on,” he protested, pushing his book to a side in frustration.

Kageyama huffed, unpocketed his phone and tossed it off to the other end of the counter, where Shouyou was seated. “There you go,” he snapped. Shouyou looked down to see the device was off now. “Can you stop complaining, now?”

Shouyou gawked at him, startled by the sudden outburst. Kageyama had always been quick to anger, but he’d never acted like this before. Not in his presence, at least. “Hey, you okay?” He asked, voice going softer, eyebrows knitted together.

Kageyama seemed as surprised by the change of Shouyou’s attitude as the ginger was towards his. “It’s none of your business,” he replied, squinting at him.

“Geez, sorry… Way to appreciate someone caring about your wellbeing,” he scoffed. Why did he always have to be so difficult? Why couldn’t he lower down his walls at least _once_?

“Well, I didn’t ask you to care,” was Kageyama’s dry reply, his voice growing louder. But that wasn’t what caught Shouyou’s attention. Was he _blushing_? What on earth could have caused him to react like that?

He didn’t get a chance to comment on it, because Kageyama let out a groan and rushed to the storage room, leaving a baffled Shouyou behind. He’d always been weird, but that was a whole new level that Shouyou had no way of understanding.

✦

Why did he always say the wrong thing? How hard could it be to actually take the time to talk to someone, to let them in, instead of constantly pushing them away? Hiding in the storage room had seemed like a good idea for Tobio, until he realized someone else was already there. Of course. Kenma was sitting on the floor, a game open on his phone. By the look on his face, he had heard everything and Tobio knew what was coming.

“What is your problem?” Kenma asked, golden eyes scrutinizing him.

“Excuse me?” Tobio barked, hating how transparent that gaze always made him feel.

“Why do you keep doing that? He was genuinely worrying about a friend,” Kenma commented, tilting his head to a side and dropping the phone to his lap.

Tobio bit down a sigh, leaning his back against the wall and slowly dragging himself down to a sitting position on the floor. Kenma had been his favorite when he first started working at Arcadia, but sometimes he was infuriating. Mostly because he was usually right. “We’re not friends,” he said, instead of replying to the original answer. He didn’t have an honest answer to that.

“You could be,” Kenma pointed out, like it was no big deal.

Tobio couldn’t help but laugh through his nose at the absurdity. “Why would I want to be his friend?” He asked, although his real question was more along the lines of ‘ _how could I be anyone’s friend?_ ’. He never had any friends. He had Iwaizumi and Oikawa, but they weren’t exactly his friends. They were something different, something more than that.

Kenma eyed him, silently, making Tobio squirm nervously in his place. He thought he would drop the subject, but then he spoke again. “You know we’re no longer dating, right?” He asked, out of nowhere.

“Huh?” Tobio blurted out. What the hell did that have to do with anything?

Kenma shrugged. “We broke up almost two months ago,” he stated. “Figured you might want to know,” he added. Shouldn’t he look sadder about breaking up? And why was he even telling him about it?

“Why would I?” He asked, failing to ignore the warmth creeping up his face.

“You’re blushing,” Kenma observed instead of answering his question.

“I’m not blushing!” His voice betrayed him and broke at the end of the sentence, making him blush even harder. He shot a desperate look through the open door and relaxed when he saw Hinata was too busy with a customer to pay any attention to them. When he focused back on Kenma, there was a smug smile on his face.

“You have a crush on him,” he said, and Tobio’s eyebrow twitched at the fact that it was phrased as a statement, not a question.

“I don’t—” he started to reply, but was cut off.

“Why do you keep getting all flustered around him, then?” Kenma inquired. While he had sounded mocking earlier, it felt different now. Like he was genuinely trying to help him figure out something.

But Tobio didn’t have an answer for that either. He had never had a crush on anyone before. Not that he was aware of, at least. How on earth was he supposed to know how that felt like? He had been noticing more the changes in Hinata’s expressions, throwing glances at him every now and then, and while it did make him feel some kind of weird, he still found the boy annoying. How could it be a crush when he couldn’t even have a conversation with him without one of them getting mad at the other?

He must have been taking too long to reply, because Kenma was standing up, already moving towards the door. “Why are you trying to set me up with your boyfriend?” Tobio asked before he could leave.

“Ex-boyfriend,” Kenma corrected him, stopping mid-track.

“Why are you trying to set me up with your ex-boyfriend?” he rephrased his question.

“I’m not,” Kenma answered, turning back to face him.

“What are you trying to achieve, then?” Tobio furrowed his eyebrows, confusion written all over his face.

“I’m not sure, to be honest,” he admitted, distractedly looking at Hinata. The ginger was now focused on his homework, unaware of their conversation. “I just think it’s pointless lying to yourself,” he said and left the room before Tobio could answer.

Tobio rested his head against the wall, running his hands over his face. Why did every conversation with Kenma end up with him more perplexed than before? He didn’t want to have to deal with dumb stuff like _feelings_. He had more than enough to worry with the nonstop phone calls he was getting, he didn’t need more fuel for his insomnia. Little did he know it would only get worse from then on.

✧

Two days later, Tobio was guiding Natsu through a school assignment. They were both sitting cross-legged on the floor behind the counter. He hadn’t gotten any better at teaching, but they had built some sort of routine where he would help her study, and then they would chat about the most random things. He felt awkward at first, making conversation with a little girl. The kid had grown attached to him, though, and he didn’t have the heart to ignore her. It’s not like she bothered him, anyway. She didn’t mind his awkwardness.

While he never asked directly about it, she gave him some insight into her family situation. They came to Tokyo from his same hometown, and were living with someone they met at school. She didn’t remember her father, and her mother was out of the picture. It appeared to be a hard subject, given the pained expression on Natsu’s face every time the topic was touched. He figured that was the reason why Hinata sometimes looked so sad. Maybe their situations really were more similar than he first thought, as Kenma said.

“Good afternoon, ma’am,” he heard Hinata greet a customer. “How can I help you?”

“I need to speak to Tobio,” the woman said, without even greeting back. Tobio felt his blood run cold. It had to be a mistake, she couldn’t be here. “Is he around?” She asked, tapping her foot impatiently.

Tobio gulped, frozen in place. He couldn’t see her, hidden behind the counter, but he would recognize his mother’s voice anywhere. Natsu seemed to have noticed his tension, because she was now worriedly looking up at her brother.

Hinata threw a quick glimpse towards them, enough to see Tobio desperately shaking his head. “Sorry ma’am, he doesn’t work here anymore,” he lied, an apologetic smile plastered on his face.

He heard her scoff. “He’s hiding, isn’t he?” She guessed, sounding irritated. “Always the coward, running away.”

Tobio peeked between two boxes, and there she was. Long black hair, piercing blue eyes, and a scowl that could rival his own. He hoped she would leave after Hinata’s words, but she was getting something from her purse. He couldn’t see what it was, until she lifted it up to her ear. It was too late by the time he realized she was calling him, his phone ringing on top of the counter. She moved closer, but before she could get a glimpse at his hiding spot, Natsu jumped to her feet.

“Ah! There it was, I’ve been looking for this everywhere!” She said, sounding overly enthusiastic, and grabbed the device before the woman could reach it.

“That’s my son’s number,” she argued, clearly not buying their words. “Why are you covering for him?”

Natsu was startled. “It was, but he sold his phone to my sister and told her she could keep the number,” Hinata was quick to say, not looking surprised at hearing she was Tobio’s mother. How was he so good at lying? And why was he lying to protect _him_ , who had been nothing but a jerk to him?

“Look, brats, I couldn’t care less about your reasons, but I need to talk to my son,” she raised her voice. “One of you is going to tell me where it is, or you will regret it,” she threatened, and that was enough for Tobio.

His mother was right. He was a coward. But he wouldn’t let her speak like that to them, when all they were doing was trying to help him. They didn’t even know what was going on, he had never told them anything about his own family. Yet there they were, lying through their teeth to a stranger to get him off the hook.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before standing up. “What are you doing here?” He asked, ignoring the way both siblings were looking at him.

The woman sneered in victory. “Tobio, how kind of you to finally grace us with your presence,” she mocked, turning towards him.

Tobio gritted his teeth, feeling the anger boiling through his body. “What do you want?” He insisted, trying to sound more sure of himself than he really was.

She didn’t seem to be bothered in the slightest by his coldness towards her. “Can’t we speak somewhere private?” She asked, eyeballing Hinata and his sister with a dismissive tone.

“No,” he replied, surprising even himself. He knew that if he was left alone with her, she’d manage to convince him of anything. She’d always been good at manipulating people. “I have nothing to hide from my friends,” he said, and felt a different kind of warmth on his chest when Hinata and Natsu moved to stand closer to him, their arms barely touching. It was like they were silently confirming that yes, they were his friends, and they wouldn’t leave him alone.

His mother didn’t look impressed by his newfound courage. “Your father is sick, as you would know if you had picked up your goddamn phone. The doctors don’t know how much time he has left.” She didn’t really seem to care that much about it. “Your little rebellious phase has lasted long enough, Tobio. It’s time to come back home and take care of your responsibilities,” she ordered.

Realization dawned upon him. His father was probably dying and all they cared about was keeping the family name afloat. His parents never thought he was being serious when he left for Tokyo. They had kicked him out, yes, but always expecting him to return with his tail between his legs, begging them to take him back. According to them, whatever Tobio was going through was just a phase. He hadn’t run away. They had let him go, and now they wanted him back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to talk to me @ [Tumblr](https://allmycharactersaregay.tumblr.com/) !


	5. Good Goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter turned out way longer than usual, but it felt weird splitting it in half.
> 
> There’s a reference to self-harm halfway through the chapter. It’s not even mentioned, only implied, but drop me a comment if you’d rather avoid that part and want me to point you to which paragraphs to avoid.

Iwaizumi was livid when he found out about what happened. He called every hospital in Miyagi to find out where Tobio’s father was staying, and soon learned that while he really was sick, he wasn’t in immediate danger. The doctors said he had three or four years left. It still meant he was dying, but it wasn’t as urgent as his mother had made it sound. Who knows what can happen in three years? Maybe they’d even find a way to cure him by then. Maybe not. Tobio found himself at odds with his feelings. He knew he should feel sad, or worried. All he felt was emptiness.

He was sure the woman had kept that information from him so he would rush back home, thinking his father was on his deathbed. Tobio dreaded the idea of seeing the man again. But he _needed_ to talk to his father one last time to make it clear he had meant everything he said when he left. He decided to go home on his own terms. It would only be for a single day, and someone would accompany him. He didn’t think he could handle the whole situation by himself. They would try to manipulate him into staying, and he wasn’t strong enough on his own.

But his conviction crumbled when Iwaizumi had to cancel his plans of going with him. The team he was coaching had a practice match against Aobajohsai, which was around the same area, but it would keep him occupied all day. He offered to take him on the team bus, but Tobio preferred to go by train, too nervous to travel with a whole team of teenagers in such a small vehicle. He was explaining the situation to Akaashi, asking for the next Saturday off, when the last person he would ever expect to step up spoke.

 

For some reason far from his comprehension, there he was, a day later, riding a train to Miyagi with none other than Hinata Shouyou sitting next to him. Their journey had been oddly quiet so far, both boys too deep in their own thoughts. Tobio wasn’t sure why Hinata, of all people, had offered to go with him, but he wasn’t going to complain. It was better than having no one by his side.

“So…” Hinata cleared his throat, speaking for the first time since they got on the train an hour ago. “What’s the deal with your family? Anything I should know about them?” He asked, leaning his head back against the window.

“Shouldn’t you have asked that like… Before you got on this train?” Tobio retorted, watching him from the corner of his eyes.

“It wouldn’t have changed my decision to come,” Hinata shrugged, as if it was a stupid question.

“Why are you doing this?” Tobio questioned, not understanding the ginger’s motives.

“I saw the way she treated you,” Hinata frowned. “I wouldn’t want to be alone with my mother. Figured you might feel the same way…” he trailed off, looking at his knees. “Friends have each other’s backs, right?” He offered a shy, tentative smile.

Tobio mulled over that answer for a minute. He felt like asking if he really considered him a friend. It could be he was just saying it because Tobio called him as such the day before, when confronting his mother. He decided against voicing his doubts, opting to believe he truly meant it. Hinata surely had better things to do with his time than wasting an entire day just to… what, exactly? _Be there for him?_ Tobio was no stranger to kindness, Iwaizumi had shown him that people could be good just for the sake of it and not out of interest. Still, Hinata’s actions baffled him. Maybe letting him in wouldn’t be such a bad idea.

So he told Hinata about his old life at home, the ginger asking questions every now and then. He spoke of his parents expectations, his mother’s manipulating habits, his father’s reaction at his failed attempt at dropping out of school. Without realizing it, he was talking about stuff outside of his family as well. His troubles with his teammates, his awkwardness at socializing. As soon as he mentioned it he turned to his side, expecting to see Hinata laughing at the obvious. But he wasn’t. There was a serious expression on his face, like he was taking all the information in before commenting on it.

“You know?” Hinata started, and Tobio braced himself for mockery. “You’re not as bad as you think,” he said, surprising him. “I mean, sure, you could use some less yelling and more tact, but you’re mostly okay,” he smiled again. Tobio wondered if he should take ‘ _mostly okay_ ’ as a compliment or an insult, and frowned slightly at the confusion. “Besides, Natsu adores you and she’s a good judge of character,” he added, chest puffing out, looking proud of his sister observational skills.

Tobio felt weirdly comforted at that. Not that a 13 year old vouching for him meant that much, but still, the fact remained that someone out there thought he wasn’t just an awkward angry boy who couldn’t communicate with others to save his life. He wanted to say something, but by the time his brain could decide on something, a voice coming from the speakers informed them they were about to reach their station. He froze, suddenly regretting coming. What was he thinking? Why couldn’t he just send them an email?

Hinata must have noticed his internal panic, because he bumped their shoulders together before getting up. “Come on, Yama-yama,” he called, urging him to get off the train before its doors closed again. What was with this dumbass and his stupid nicknames?

✧

They headed straight for the hospital, following the information provided by Iwaizumi. Tobio hadn’t warned his parents of the visit, in case he chickened out. He didn’t want to give them yet another reason to call him spineless. A nurse pointed them to his father’s room, and they lingered outside for at least ten minutes. If Hinata was bothered by his hesitation, he didn’t mention it. He just stood there, patiently waiting for him to be ready. Voices could be heard from inside, and dread coursed through his veins. Tobio took a deep breath and slowly opened the door.

It was a bright, spacious room, with only one bed and hospital equipment on one side. There was a small couch next to the bed, and two chairs at the other end of the room. But all Tobio could focus on where the two pairs of eyes that had locked on him as soon as he stepped inside.

“Tobio?” His mother called, sounding more pleased than surprised, turning around from her place on the couch to see him.

“It’s good to see you finally came to your senses,” was his father’s greeting. A year and a half without seeing his son and those were his first words? He was lying on the bed with an IV connected to his arm and some cables to his chest. He looked older than Tobio remembered him.

Neither of them acknowledged Hinata's presence, other than the ugly look Tobio's mother sent his way. The boy shifted his weight on his feet, nervous. Tobio clenched his fists, his previous dread leaving room for anger. He tried to speak, but his words were overshadowed by his father’s.

“You should get in contact with your University Counselor as soon as possible, to discuss about switching majors,” he said, not giving him a chance to interject. “I already set up a position on the Tokyo branch of the firm so you can get experience while you’re still studying,” he informed him, sitting straighter on the bed. Probably in an attempt to look less a sick old dude and more an intimidating man.

“You can still make up for all the time you lost, and honor your father’s wishes,” his mother followed. “Find a nice girl from a respectable family, and finish your studies. There might still be enough time to train you to take over the firm after your father’s gone,” she spoke like it was a business transaction and not her son and husband’s lives.

How could that be the first thing they talked about when the three of them were together in the same room for the first time in so long? Did they not care at all about how he felt? Weren’t they at least a little bit curious about his life on his own? “I’m…” Tobio frowned, voice not coming out. He swallowed and tried again. “That’s not what I want,” he argued.

“Son, how many times do we have to talk about this?” His father asked, not that he really cared about the answer. “What else could you possibly do with your life?”

“I have no interest in working on law. I’m top of my class on the major _I_ chose for myself, and I have a good job,” Tobio replied, huffing, feeling exasperated. “I don’t want your firm. I don’t want to marry someone of your choosing just because it will look good,” he added, hoping they would accept it this time. He knew they wouldn’t.

“Tobio,” the older man called. “You really think you could be successful on your own? Why don’t you stop pretending and spare us all the humiliation of having to explain why our only son can’t keep the family business running?” He was genuinely offended by the notion of his son wanting to live his own life.

“How can you talk about humiliation after everything you made me go through when I _tried_ talking to you?” Tobio questioned, lips trembling in frustration. “I didn’t come here to negotiate my return. I’m here to let you know I’m done with both of you,” he announced, squaring his shoulders in an vain attempt to seem more confident.

“Who do you think you are?” The man scoffed. “You know you’ll end up asking for our help soon enough,” he said, tone going colder.

“I won’t. I managed well enough for the past two years,” Tobio assured him. “You’re the last people I would ever ask for help. Even if I needed help, I’d rather ask—”

His mother scoffed. “Who? Iwaizumi and his… husband?” She asked in a derogatory tone. “Who knows what kind of depravity you saw in that house.”

Tobio closed his fists with so much force his nails drew blood on his palms. “Don’t you dare talk shit about them. He and Oikawa did more for me than you two ever had.” One thing was to insult _him_ , he was used to that. But he would not let them talk that way about the couple that took him in when no one else would, and helped him believe in himself.

“Oh, is that what you think? Who fed you and gave you a roof for 18 years? Who paid for your school and clothes? You’re worthless without us,” his father spat, his face contorting in disgust.

“He doesn’t need you,” Hinata stepped up, talking for the first time since they got there. “He has enough people who care about him,” he said, looking angrier than Tobio had ever seen him.

Tobio’s father looked him up and down. “And who are you supposed to be?” He asked, eyebrow raised in question.

“He’s the kid that covered for him last time at the store,” his mother informed, dismissing him with a wave of her hand.

“ _Oh_ ,” the man said, and something in his expression made the hair tingle in Tobio’s nape. “So that’s the real reason why you’re not coming back. Got yourself a boyfriend?” He mocked in disgust.

“So what if I did?” Tobio raised his voice, angry, making everyone else flinch. “If that’s all you got from everything I just said, then you clearly have no interest in listening. Even coming here was pointless.” His scowl was harsh, but the tremble of his bottom lip made it obvious he was trying very hard not to cry.

Hinata seemed to pick up on that, for he grabbed his hand and got closer to him, ignoring the shocked look on the adult’s faces. “Let’s go,” he whispered. “They’re not worth it,” he added, and tugged his arm.

“Cross that door and you can forget about this family,” his father spoke. “You won’t get another chance.”

Tobio looked at Hinata, who already had one foot crossing the doorway, and back at his parents. “Good. I don’t want one,” he said, and turned around to let himself be dragged outside.

✦

Shouyou felt like he was witnessing something that he shouldn’t. Kageyama hadn’t spoken since they left the room, and was now rubbing his forearm against his face. Probably trying to hold back the tears, he thought.

“Hey, Kageyama?” he tried calling, softly. “I’ll get us something from the vending machine over there,” he pointed over his shoulder, somewhere to his right.

“Okay, I’ll, uh, go clean up my face and wait by the seats in the waiting room,” he boy replied, absently looking to a side.

Shouyou nodded, but didn’t hear whatever he said next. He was distracted, wondering if he had noticed a certain detail. Kageyama’s hand was warm against his own, and the skin brushing his fingers felt rough. He knew Kageyama played sports, maybe that’s why it was so calloused? He gave a light squeeze and felt Kageyama go stiff. _Ah, he finally realized we’re still holding hands_ , he thought.

He looked up, and the intense blush on Kageyama’s face made his heart skip a beat. Shouyou’s face went beet red in response. Kageyama let his hand go and mumbled something he didn’t even try to understand, too busy being confused about his own reaction. But then Kageyama started moving towards the restrooms, and Shouyou remembered something.

“Wait!” He called, making Kageyama stop on his tracks, bewilderment all over his face. “Would you lend me your phone? Mine ran out of battery”, he lied.

Kageyama blinked. “Sure,” he acceded, and unpocketed the device, unlocking it before handing it to him. He didn’t even look at Shouyou before retreating to the facilities.

Shouyou was thankful for the time off, not sure of what to think. Had he always blushed so easily? Kageyama’s phone buzzed in his hand before he could give it too much thought, and he checked the screen to find the exact name he was thinking of calling.

“Hello, Iwaizumi-san,” he greeted.

✧

As it turned out, Oikawa had ended up driving all the way to Miyagi with the excuse of supporting his husband and checking on his old team. Iwaizumi knew the real reason, though: he was worried about Kageyama. Iwaizumi had called to let him know they’d pick them up once they were done, and was surprised to be greeted by Shouyou instead.

Shouyou quickly explained everything that happened, except for the whole holding hands debacle, and he could feel both Iwaizumi and Oikawa’s fury increase through the phone speakers the more the retelling progressed. After promising to keep Kageyama there until their arrival, they hung up and Shouyou went to look for him.

He found him sitting on a bench, shoulders slumping, elbows resting on his knees and face hidden behind his palms. Shouyou sat next to him, not knowing if he should say something or not. He lifted up a hand to pat his back, but changed his mind at the last minute. They weren’t that close, after all.

He had learned a lot about Kageyama that day. He remembered how jealous he felt the first time he’d seen Suga’s sincere smile. Maybe that’s why Kageyama disliked him so much, because he could see how fake Shouyou’s happiness was. And maybe he wished he too could just pretend instead of being angry at the world. Shouyou had tried that method before. It didn’t help, the world wasn’t at fault for his shitty situation. He also tried being angry at himself, but it didn’t work either. It only turned the emotional pain into physical. He squeezed his forearms against his chest, his thighs together, suddenly feeling Kageyama could see the scars through the fabric of his clothes.

His abrupt movement seemed to bring Kageyama back to reality. “Ready to go?” He asked, voice hoarse from crying, his eyes red and puffy. Shouyou pretended not to notice.

“Iwaizumi called,” Shouyou mentioned. “He’ll be here soon to drive us back,” he said.

“Okay,” Kageyama shrugged, not asking for details or caring about the fact that the car trip would take almost three times longer than on train. He’d probably appreciate the comfort and privacy, instead of trying to hold himself together on public transport.

They didn’t have to wait for too long. Not fifteen minutes later, a couple passed them by in the hallway and Kageyama stood up to greet them. Shouyou assumed they were his guardians, only knowing them by name and from their short phone call. He got up as well, but they were completely ignored, except for a quick nod from the shorter of the two. He could see the panic in Kageyama’s face when he understood what it meant. Without a word, both boys rushed to follow them to the room where Kageyama’s father was staying.

They all stormed inside the room. The one who had nodded at them, who he’d later learn was Iwaizumi, opened his mouth to speak, but his partner was faster.

“I don’t know what makes you think you have the right to keep meddling in Tobio’s life, calling his advisor about his major behind his back.” Kageyama’s eyes were now wide open. It clearly was the first time he heard about this. “You keep trying to control his life and shape his future however you see fit, not even stopping to consider his own wishes. You seem to think too highly of yourself for a man whose priority is a firm built on keeping rich bastards out of jail,” Oikawa said with a voice that sounded too pleasant to match his words.

Kageyama’s father started speaking, furious at the stranger’s words, but Oikawa was louder. “I’m not done,” his cold tone made silence fill the room. “I don’t care what you say about me. But I won’t tolerate people talking crap about my husband,” he hissed. “And they way you treat Tobio? You don’t deserve to have this boy around you. He’s too good to be ruined by you, and I’d appreciate if you could just step back once and for all, and let him do whatever the fuck he wants,” he finished and, not even caring about their reaction, yanked the door open and left.

Kageyama glanced at his parents, both staring at them with their mouths hanging open. They didn’t look so intimidating, now. He turned to Iwaizumi, who looped an arm around his shoulders, coaxing him to follow Oikawa’s lead. Shouyou went after them, not wanting to be left behind.

They stopped at the parking lot, Oikawa gently grabbing Shouyou’s arm to guide him away from the other two. He obeyed, quickly understanding the reason. Iwaizumi had pulled Kageyama aside. Even under the bad lighting from the garage, Shouyou could see the boy shaking against the older man’s chest, strong arms surrounding him.

Shouyou turned around to give them privacy, and found brown eyes fixed on his. It kinda reminded him of Kenma, always trying to read behind his words and actions. He stared back, too tired to fight. It had been an emotionally draining day. The man seemed to be satisfied with whatever he found, because he then got closer to ruffle his hair.

“It was time Tobio-chan made a friend his age,” he said, blinding him with a smile. “Thanks for being here for him, Chibi-chan,” he added. Tobio-chan? _Chibi-chan_? He was too surprised by the nicknames to even be offended by his.

✧

Iwaizumi drove them to Kageyama’s old place, so he could pick up whatever he wanted to keep from there. It was a huge two-story house, perfect for a family, although it didn’t feel too welcoming. It looked lifeless, despite the landscape paintings on the white walls and the (probably fake) flowers on the table. The living room was spotless, not a single item out of place. It almost looked like no one had ever sat on the couches surrounding the coffee table, no signs of dust either on the books and decorations over the shelf on the wall. Even the kitchen, where Oikawa was making tea, seemed like it had never seen a homemade meal. It was like one of those model homes where the furniture is just for show, making the property more appealing to potential buyers.

Shouyou followed Kageyama to his bedroom while Oikawa and Iwaizumi waited downstairs. He felt like he was invading someone else’s space, and he kinda was, but Kageyama had specifically asked him to go upstairs with him. Shouyou was awfully curious about how his childhood room would look like, but once they went inside all he found was disappointment.

“So much for making me feel welcome at home,” Kageyama muttered, kicking a box on the floor. The only furniture in the room was a bed without sheets and an empty closet. Everything else was packed in boxes. There were signs of posters being torn off the wall, the light blue paint of the walls chipped everywhere, but none remained.

Kageyama grabbed a box and sat on the bed, prompting Shouyou to join him. Inside they found his old school journals and books, and while Kageyama went through its contents Shouyou wondered how it would have been to go to school together. During the train ride he mentioned he was supposed to go to Karasuno in the first place, and being the same age that would have made them classmates. Would they had been friends? Two messed up kids, trying to get away from their families…

The sound of carton being dragged on the floor pulled him from his thoughts. Kageyama had checked on three of them already, seemingly not finding anything of interest. The next box contained pictures and Shouyou couldn’t refrain himself when Kageyama was about to put it away, uninterested.

“May I?” Shouyou asked, pointing at the photo album sitting at the top.

“Suit yourself,” Kageyama shrugged.

He opened the cover and was greeted by the sight of a familiar scowl on the face of a toddler, raven-black hair and dark blue eyes. The kid looked _pissed_ and Shouyou couldn’t stop his laughter, looking up to find the same expression, same eyes, on a grown up version. Yeah, that kid definitely was Tobio-chan.

“If you’re done laughing, would you mind helping me carry those two downstairs?” Kageyama pointed at a pair of boxes he just finished re-packing, discarding everything else.

“Sorry, sorry,” he said, sighing once he calmed down. “This was just too cute,” he said without thinking, holding up the picture so Kageyama could see it.

“Dumbass,” he groaned, ears pink, taking the photo with him and dropping it back to its original place. He got up to lift a box, and Shouyou was about to do the same with the other when something else caught his attention.

“Are you taking this?” He asked, picking up a teddy bear Kageyama had tossed to the floor.

“No,” he replied, trying to take it from him, but Shouyou moved faster.

“Can I give it to Natsu?” He requested, holding it tighter just in case Kageyama tried again.

“No,” was the instant reply. “Why? It’s old and ragged and probably covered in snot,” Kageyama insisted on his negative.

“I just realized she never had any stuffed toys,” Shouyou explained, almost embarrassed.

“She’s a kid, how can she not have a teddy bear?” Kageyama frowned like it was his fault. Shouyou never had one and it never seemed like something important, but for some reason he now felt like his sister _had_ to have one.

“I don’t know, Grumpy-yama, why don’t you ask my oh so loving mother?” He retorted, slightly irritated. Why was Kageyama so upset about it?

“Well, my answer is still no. She deserves something better than a ratty toy with bad memories attached to it,” he declared before leaving the room.

Shouyou pouted, but let the subject drop, figuring it wouldn’t do any good to insist. He followed Kageyama back to the first floor, almost falling down the stairs for the effort of carrying two boxes on his short arms.

“Why did you bring this?” Kageyama complained instead of helping him, poking the one on top. “I don’t want to keep these photos, there’s nothing there that I’d like to remember.”

“Maybe not now, but someday in the future,” Shouyou shrugged. “I might not want to remember the bad times, but I wish I had pictures from when Natsu and I were kids,” he justified himself.

“You don’t have any?” Oikawa asked, joining them after cleaning the kitchen to erase any trace they’d been there. Not that they were planning to hide that fact, they just didn’t want any complaints about them being in the house.

Shouyou shook his head. “I found some our schoolmates took, but not many. My parents never were the kind to take, you know… family pictures,” he explained, feeling too self-conscious under their surprised gaze. He turned his eyes to the side, not wanting to find pity in theirs.

Iwaizumi and Oikawa looked at each other, and after what looked like a telepathic conversation, stepped forward at the same time. Iwaizumi threw an arm over Kageyama’s shoulders, and Oikawa did the same with Shouyou. “Any friend of Tobio-chan is part of our family,” the brunette said, taking out his phone to snap a quick selfie. Oikawa was smiling brightly, making a victory sign with his free hand. Shouyou had a shy, surprised half-smile on his blushing face. Tobio was caught mid-eyeroll; it probably wasn’t the first time they had pulled this trick on him. Iwaizumi had a lopsided grin, too used to his husband’s antics to do anything but comply.

This wasn’t Shouyou’s first selfie with friends, but it would still be one he would treasure for the rest of his days.

✧

They were halfway through their four hour long trip back home, and Shouyou finally felt some tension leave his shoulders. He had been terrified all day of running into his mother, or anyone who could warn her of his presence in Miyagi. He wasn’t ready to face her yet, and he hoped he wouldn’t have to in the near future.

Kageyama had been quiet ever since they got in the car, the only conversation carried by Oikawa asking Shouyou random questions and then discussing that day’s match with his husband. Shouyou wondered what the other boy was thinking, not sure if he should try talking to him or not. It couldn’t have been easy, officially cutting ties with his family. It hadn’t been easy for him either, but at least Kageyama got some closure, being able to actually bid them goodbye and speak his mind instead of running away in the middle of the night.

 

They had to stop for gas and Kageyama got off the car, wandering towards the vending machines inside the store. Shouyou trailed after him, trying to get away from Oikawa’s questions and scrutinizing looks through the rearview mirror. They got snacks and some energy drinks, and were on their way to pay for them when Kageyama suddenly stopped and Shouyou bumped into him.

“A little warning would be nice, next time,” he muttered, but the other didn’t reply. Shouyou followed his gaze, trying to find what had distracted him so much.

They were standing in front of a shelf full of stuffed animals in various sizes and colors. Kageyama side-eyed him, and without a word grabbed a light brown teddy bear with a pink bow on its neck before heading to the cashier. He didn’t talk to Shouyou until they were back outside.

“Here, for your help,” he said, not meeting his eyes and forcing the bear into his hands. His face was flushed and Shouyou could almost picture the smoke coming out his ears.

Shouyou almost joked about how he should have bought something for him instead of his sister, but thought better of it. Kageyama probably wouldn’t get he was only teasing him, and would worry Shouyou was offended or something dumb. Why did he always overthink so much? In any case, Shouyou knew it was just an excuse. He guessed Kageyama just felt bad about the whole talk they had at his place over his childhood toy.

He smiled, gently hugging the bear between his arms. It was almost half Natsu’s height, and he knew she would love it. “Thanks, Kageyama,” he said, voice almost a whisper. How could he ever had thought he was mean? How could someone so awkward, who claimed to be unable to understand others, be so _sweet_?

“Whatever,” mumbled Kageyama, and pushed past him towards the parked car, where Oikawa and Iwaizumi were sending curious looks their way. He sat inside, not talking or looking at anyone. It was kinda adorable, and Shouyou tripped over his own feet at that thought.

Oikawa grinned, but before he got to say anything, Iwaizumi smacked the back of his head. “Not a single word, Shittykawa.”

✦

Tobio’s thoughts were a mess. One minute he felt on the verge of laughing, all the emotional rollercoaster from that day finally catching up with him. He’d never felt more at peace, pleased with himself for not giving up. But the next minute he felt about to break down in tears, worried he’d made a terrible mistake. His parents had always belittled him, making him feel worthless no matter how much effort he put into his studies, and complaining about how much he embarrassed them when they had guests over for dinner. They were still his parents, though. Maybe he should’ve worked harder, losing even more hours of sleep to do more extra homework, ignoring the anxiety and the tightness he felt on his chest when sharing the table with strangers. Maybe he really was an ungrateful son.

He tried to focus his mind on something else, but his brain betrayed him, reminding him of something else he’d been trying to ignore for the past hour. Hinata had fallen asleep a while ago, which was good because it meant he wouldn’t be forced into a conversation. What wasn’t so good was the feeling of the boy’s head resting on his shoulder, his soft breath warming the skin of his neck. He looked down at his sleeping face and immediately regretted it. His fingers itched, wondering how Hinata’s hair would feel between his fingers. _Fuck_ , he thought. Kenma was right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please consider leaving a comment if you enjoyed this!
> 
> And come talk to me about dumb boys @ [Tumblr](https://allmycharactersaregay.tumblr.com/)!


	6. Caught Up In The Waves

Tobio thought he’d notice a bigger difference after cutting ties with his family, but he didn’t. His parents didn’t try to contact him again, and even his guilt disappeared after a few weeks. A long talk with Iwaizumi had finally made it _click_ in his head that emotional abuse was still abuse. He felt overwhelmed by the support he had received from him and his husband. Ever since he moved to Tokyo, they’d always been around to make sure he didn’t need anything. Oikawa’s words towards his father, Iwaizumi’s comforting arms and words surrounding him after the confrontation, every conversation they had since then, they all made him feel safe. Loved.

He sometimes wondered what his life could have been if he hadn’t met them. His father would’ve probably sent him to boarding school to make sure he attended his classes, and maybe he would have succeeded in making him his heir. Would he have been proud of his son, then? Would his mother have loved him more if he gave her cute grandchildren she could presume to her friends?

He tried not to linger too much on those thoughts. He felt like he was doing better. He wasn’t happy. He didn’t really know what happiness was like. But he wasn’t angry all the time anymore, and that _had_ to mean something, right? While before he had to make a conscious effort of not snapping at anyone who approached him, he didn’t find it so hard to hold back his annoyance now.

There was an exception, of course. Hinata always managed to test the limits of his patience; whether it was on purpose or not, Tobio didn’t know. He didn’t even have to do anything to piss him off. Just being there, existing in the same room, was enough to irritate him. It bothered him to the point his stomach flipped every time their eyes met, his heart went crazy and his face felt warm. A voice at the back of his head kept telling him it wasn’t really annoyance. It was a stupid _crush_. The fact that the voice sounded like Kenma only made it worse.

Every effort to ignore it only fueled his confusion. He always thought liking someone meant feeling happy and comfortable next to them, not wanting to shut them up with his fist. Or his mouth. Well, _that_ was new. He thanked his luck there wasn’t anyone around to see his face right now. He might have thought more than necessary about running his fingers through Hinata’s hair, or the feeling of their hands linked together, but that was it. He’d definitely never thought of his lips…

His phone buzzed and he’d never been more grateful for technology in his life. It was a text from Iwaizumi inviting him to lunch and that’s when it hit him. Iwaizumi spent half of his time bickering with Oikawa, yet he’d chosen to marry the man. If someone could help him understand his feelings, it had to be him.

✧

When he arrived at Iwaizumi’s, he felt relieved to see Oikawa wasn’t loitering around. He was running late from a meeting and as grumpy his husband was about it, Tobio was glad. It would buy him some time to ask about what was on his mind. He sat nervously at the black leather couch, tapping his foot against the leg of the coffee table. The flat TV screen was off, it always was when Tobio was invited. One of the first things he had mentioned about dinners with his parents was how they were always too busy discussing business strategy to even remember asking his son how his day had been. So Iwaizumi always made sure to give him his utmost attention, without prying too much.

He looked down at the chipped tea cup he was holding, still too hot to drink, and then up again, glancing around the living room. He’d always liked their apartment, much more inviting than his old house. It was like a clash of styles, Iwaizumi’s attempt at minimalism overpowered by Oikawa’s memorabilia. There were more volleyball trophies and medals than books on the shelves, and pictures everywhere of them and their families. It never failed to warm his heart to see at least a third of them included him.

He sighed, failing to find the best way to approach the subject. It had always been hard for him, putting his thoughts into words. So he did what he did better, which didn’t necessarily mean it was good. He just blurted it out.

“How did you know you liked Oikawa?” He asked in the middle of Iwaizumi’s retelling of something about… something. He had stopped listening a while ago, resisting the urge to throw up.

“Why are you asking?” Iwaizumi seemed more surprised by the question than by the interruption itself. He always knew when Tobio wasn’t listening, but pretended he didn’t.

“It’s just…” Tobio struggled to come up with the words. “You’re always, well… I wouldn’t say _fighting_ , but you sometimes seem like you’re done with his shit, calling him names, and I don’t get it,” he shrugged. “Isn’t liking someone about smiling all the time when they’re around, and butterflies, and… I don’t know, stuff?” If it had been any other person, he would have been afraid of being laughed at by his lack of eloquence. But it was Iwaizumi, and he knew he could trust him with his deepest and dumbest worries.

“Well, for starters, I would never, ever, treat Tooru like that if I thought it made him feel bad in the slightest,” he assured him, and Tobio knew it was the truth. “We’ve acted like that around each other ever since we were kids, and we both know there’s no real heat behind our complaints,” he explained. “Besides… What makes you think I don’t feel all that other… _stuff_ around him?” He asked, a lopsided grin growing on his face. “I mean, the butterflies might be more quiet after dating for ten years, and being friends for most of our lives, but he still makes me feel warm and happy,” he smiled, and Tobio asked himself how he’d never noticed that smile before. It was barely there, Iwaizumi had never been one to be overly expressive, but it was enough to change his whole face. It wasn’t the first time he saw that look in his eyes, but he’d never known the meaning behind it.

“But how did you know it was more than just being… Friends?” he asked, still confused, hands gripping tighter around his mug.

“It’s not a science, it isn’t the same for everyone,” he replied, and Tobio seemed to deflate. “I started finding his stubbornness endearing, kept thinking about him when we were apart, and I constantly worried about making sure he didn’t die doing something stupid,” he listed. “It was like no matter how crazy he drove me, how exasperating he was, I just couldn’t get enough of him,” he finished, not even bothering to conceal the loving expression on his face.

Tobio sighed, following the list in his mind. Checked, checked, checked, _checked_. Yep. He was fucked.

Iwaizumi opened his mouth to add something else, but seemed to realize something. “I don’t…” He frowned. Tobio had never seen him so nervous. “Please tell me I don’t have to give you _the talk_ ,” he practically begged, lifting a hand to his forehead, but it wasn’t enough to hide the light blush on his cheeks.

Tobio stared at him until he understood what he meant. “Oh god, no, I know how to google,” he hid his face behind his free hand, face burning red. How did he even get that idea? Talking about _feelings_ was embarrassing enough. Besides, that would mean giving his mind permission to go on a path he wasn’t ready for, yet.

“Thank fuck,” Iwaizumi laughed through his nose, still visibly embarrassed.

Oikawa chose that moment to save them both from further mortification. “Aw, is our little Tobio-chan growing up?” He asked, reaching to pinch Tobio’s cheek, but his hand was swatted away by Iwaizumi. Tobio was close enough to see a trail of dry tears in the corner of the brunette’s eyes. But he was sporting his real smile, not the fake one. Why was he crying and smiling?

“How long have you been listening, Loserkawa?” Iwaizumi asked, putting on his mask of annoyance.

“Long enough to hear how much you love me, Iwa-chan,” he admitted, moving closer to drape himself on his husband’s shoulders over the back of the couch. “It was a really moving speech, I should have recorded it,” he said, nudging his cheek with his nose.

Iwaizumi rolled his eyes, but then a fond smile grew on his face when his gaze locked on Oikawa’s.

“You know,” Oikawa said, directing his attention to Tobio. “Iwa-chan loves to complain about me, but that’s just him being a grumpy-ass,” he grabbed his husband’s hand before he could smack him. “He’s always been there for me when I needed him, and even when I thought I didn’t,” his smile faltered for a second. “He took care of me when my knee gave up and I didn’t want nothing to do with volleyball or anything that reminded me of it… Including him.” Tobio knew a bit about that story. Oikawa had been in a very dark place when he had to stop playing, and it was Iwaizumi who convinced him to start coaching. “But he never gave up, he waited for me and supported me through it all,” a lonely tear fell and Iwaizumi shifted in his seat to face him better. He wiped Oikawa’s eyes with his thumb and kissed his temple. Oikawa’s smile only grew brighter.

At that moment Tobio understood two things. Against what he’d always believed, there was such a thing as happy tears. He was seeing it right now, in the love between the two men in front of him. But most importantly, he realized he _wanted_ that kind of relationship. He longed for that level of comfort with someone else, of having someone there with him when life sucked, but also when it didn't. He wanted someone to look at him with stars in their eyes like Oikawa was now with his husband. And he knew that _someone_ had a very specific orange hair.

“Actually…” Oikawa said out of nowhere, quickly recovered from his emotional state. He always pretended to be unfazed by emotions although he usually was the first to cry. “Your banter with Chibi-chan kinda reminds me of us, don’t you agree, Iwa-chan?”

Iwaizumi reluctantly nodded. _Traitor_. “I wasn’t going to say anything, but now that you mention it…” he conceded.

“Are you gonna tell him?” Oikawa pried, smirking. Why did he have to be so nosy? How did he even know?

“Wh-why would I?” Tobio stuttered. He could feel his face going warmer and started to regret bringing up the subject with Iwaizumi. He should have known eventually Oikawa would be there to tease him.

Oikawa arched an eyebrow, like he couldn’t believe he was actually asking that. “Because he might feel the same way?” He tried, not hiding the amusement in his voice.

Tobio huffed. “A month ago we weren’t even friends, I’m always snapping at him and I just… How could he…” he looked down, fingers fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. He didn’t need to finish his thought for them to understand. _How could anyone ever like me?_

Oikawa and Iwaizumi looked at each other, having another of their silent conversations. Tobio hated when they did that. He couldn’t even communicate with someone using words, how did they manage that with just their _eyes_?

“You do look quite cute together, when you’re not scowling like someone spat on your milk,” Oikawa said, looking a little bit too happy. “You’ll just have to work on getting closer,” he added after taking out his phone, eyes on the screen searching for something. “You’re welcome,” he chimed a minute later, and Tobio didn’t trust for a minute the mischievous smile on his face.

His phone buzzed, and he resisted the urge to check it just to spite Oikawa. He could feel it burning inside his pocket, but it wasn’t until he excused himself to the bathroom an hour later that he finally gave in. As expected, he had a message from the brunette. He was glad he’d waited to be alone, because his face went impossibly red at seeing the photo on his screen. It had been taken on their trip back to Miyagi, and he could almost feel the ghost of Hinata’s weight against his shoulder. He couldn’t decide what he liked more of the photo. Hinata’s soft smile while sleeping pressed to Tobio’s side, his arms holding tightly the stuffed animal he’d just given him, or his own relaxed expression, asleep with his head resting against Hinata’s. When was the last time he’d felt so comfortable with someone else? Never, probably.

✦

If there was something Shouyou was good at, it was pretending. Pretending his mother’s words didn’t hurt him, pretending he wasn’t starving, pretending he was strong enough to take care of his sister, pretending he was happy. Pretending he wanted to live. Acting like being around Kageyama didn’t affect him in any way should have been easy. It wasn’t.

Ever since their trip to Miyagi, Kageyama had been acting different towards him. Shouyou could see he still sometimes found him annoying, but he also saw he was making an effort not to snap at him so much. They still fought almost everyday, but it felt different now. Yet he didn’t feel ready to drop his mask in front of Kageyama. He knew he disliked fakes, but still… Shouyou was sure Kageyama would dislike his real self so much more. Who would ever like a sad, broken boy, anyway?

It made him feel somewhat guilty, though. Kageyama had opened up to him, talked about his past, his awkwardness, his anxiety. Why couldn’t Shouyou do the same? He knew Kageyama wouldn’t dislike him for being sad, but what if it was too much? If ‘normal’ people were hard to deal with for Kageyama, wouldn’t Shouyou’s depression be more than what he was willing to handle?

It had been easy with Kenma, because they had been honest from the start. Having met online, the anonymity of Discord and Messenger apps had made it easier for him to talk his heart out to this stranger who seemed to understand him so well. And he hadn’t had another option but to spill the truth to Daichi and Suga. They both had seen the physical state he and his sister were in when they moved to Tokyo, and were so worried about them, he just couldn’t find it on himself to lie to them. Especially not after the way he broke down in tears in front of Suga when they first met.

But Kageyama hadn’t seen the empty shell behind the carefully crafted mask. He might have caught a glimpse a few times, but Shouyou had always been able to trick him into thinking he was alright. Or so he thought. Even then, a tiny part of him thought, hoped, that he would understand him. They weren’t so different, after all. They both had been messed up by their families, although they chose different ways of coping with it. A happy act, pulling everyone in like the sun. An angry act, pushing everyone away to stay in the shadows. Shouyou was scared of scaring him. But _why_? How did this awkward, grumpy boy come to mean so much to him?

He was fine with the way things were right now, he told himself. Kageyama saw him as a friend, which was a lot coming from him, and even his newfound family had accepted him. He hadn’t seen Oikawa and Iwaizumi much since the trip, except for the few times they’d stop by the store to pick up their protegee, but for some reason Oikawa suddenly seemed to be determined to change that.

 

It all started with an innocent text, asking Shouyou if he’d ever been to a volleyball match. At his negative answer, Oikawa had managed to convince him to attend one with him and his husband, promising it would be fun.

That’s how he found himself sandwiched between the couple at the front of the stands, surrounded by people. They had gotten there a few minutes late so they missed the teams introductions and the first two points. All he knew was they were two university teams. Oikawa and Iwaizumi were guiding him through each play, explaining the rules and tactics of the game. It really had been fun, to his surprise, until he started paying more attention to the players. One player, in particular.

“Is that…?” He asked, pointing at the setter from the team they were cheering on.

“Oh, so you finally noticed Tobio-chan?” Oikawa grinned, looking too happy with himself.

How could he _not_ notice him, with the way Kageyama handled himself on the court? It was like seeing a completely different person. He looked so… regal. Every one of his movements was calculated, no uncertainty on his face, none of his usual awkwardness. Even his expression was different. Focused. Happy? He wasn’t smiling, but he looked _happy_. Shouyou felt drawn to him, to the twitch of his lips whenever a play connected, to the way he bit on them whenever it didn’t.

He distantly heard a whistle blowing. The first set had ended and an arm snaking around his shoulders brought him back from his trance. “Are you still with us, Chibi-chan?” Oikawa asked, smirking, but Shouyou couldn’t reply. Kageyama had just noticed them, and their eyes met. Shouyou felt his body shaking with Oikawa’s over enthusiastic waving, and he raised his hand to do the same, forcing the mask back on. Kageyama gave a short, shy, wave back, before turning to his coach with the rest of the team.

By the time the second set started, Shouyou’s brain had finally decided to start working again. He was grateful for Iwaizumi keeping his husband in check, or he wouldn’t be able to survive the teasing. He was enjoying the game now, as long as he didn’t think too much on the way Kageyama’s legs looked like when he squatted down to receive the ball, or the flex of his arms when he set it. He had seen sports on TV before, but it had never caught his attention. His malnourished body had always been too weak to play. Seeing it live, surrounded by people who kept chanting the teams names, celebrating every point, was a whole other thing. Serves making the ball go faster than he thought was possible, players diving to save it, and the spikes… If watching from the outside was exhilarating, he could only imagine how it must feel for a player.

“Say, Iwaizumi-san,” he called. “Kageyama said you were his coach when he started playing,” he paused, waiting until Iwaizumi nodded in acknowledgement before continuing. “Would you teach me how to play?”

Iwaizumi seemed surprised by the request. “Of course,” he replied. “We can meet—” he looked up and behind Shouyou’s head. “Uhm, I mean,” he scratched the back of his neck. “I’m not sure how much spare time I’ll have with Interhigh preliminaries coming up…” he trailed off, looking somewhat guilty. That didn’t sound suspicious at all.

Shouyou turned to Oikawa, catching him doing OK signs with both hands. “Maybe Tobio-chan could help you,” he grinned, not even trying to conceal his intentions.

He knew it would be pointless trying to convince Iwaizumi now. “You really think he would agree?” He doubted. “I get the feeling he’d smack the ball at my face the second he realizes I suck,” he added, slouching in his seat.

“If I survived training with this brute,” Oikawa happily smiled, pointing at his husband, “then I’m sure you can survive with Tobio-chan.” It almost sounded convincing, until he added “I hope…” under his breath.

✧

The match ended with a victory for Kageyama’s team. They waited until most of the spectators cleared down before making their way to greet Kageyama. Oikawa approached his teammates when they couldn’t find him, and was pointed towards the locker rooms. They went inside, not finding anyone around, only an open bag on one of the benches.

“Tobio-chan, still here?” Oikawa singsonged, raising his voice to be heard over the sound of running water from a shower.

“Yeah, I’ll be out in a minute,” a voice replied from further inside, behind a thin wall.

“Mmkay, we’ll wait outside!” Oikawa announced, not moving to leave yet, when they heard the shower being shut off. “We’re all going to dinner, wanna join us, Chibi-chan?” He invited, turning towards Shouyou, his trademark shit-eating grin on his face.

“Uhm, I wouldn’t like to impose, you already invited me to the match…” He shifted his weight between his feet nervously. He didn’t want to take advantage of them taking him everywhere, and Oikawa always made him nervous when he acted like that.

“All the more reason for you to come, then,” Iwaizumi insisted, his politeness helping calm his anxiety a little. “We’ll drop you home afterwards.”

Shouyou offered a shy smile. “Okay, if you’re sure I won’t be—” Whatever he was going to say went out the window when Kageyama approached them, walking to his locker without a care in the world. A half-naked Kageyama, a towel hanging low on his hips, his hair wet, his chiseled abs in full display. What were they talking about? He tried to reel back his thoughts, but all he could focus on was the trail a drop of water was leaving down his neck, now his collarbone, and… He looked up to see Kageyama was staring at him, an eyebrow raised. Did he even know how _good_ he looked?

“Take a picture, it’ll last l—” Oikawa couldn’t finish his teasing, a hand smacking his mouth shut. Shouyou felt his face on fire, not being able to move.

“We’ll be outside,” Iwaizumi groaned, grabbing both his husband and Shouyou by their collars and dragging them outside, leaving a dumbfounded Kageyama behind. Shouyou didn’t think that image would be leaving his mind anytime soon.

✦

Having Iwaizumi and Oikawa at one of his matches wasn’t new. They were his biggest supporters, even if the latter pretended to be there only out of obligation. What _was_ new was their companion. What on Earth was Hinata doing there? And why had he been looking at him like _that_?

It was so confusing. One moment he was staring at him with the weirdest expression on his face, and the next he was avoiding looking at him altogether. He hadn’t spoke a single word on the way to the restaurant, but at least by the time they reached their destination he seemed to be back to normal. Or as normal as Hinata could be, anyway. He knew it was just an act.

They sat at a table near the corner of the fast food diner, adults on one side, boys on the other. They had to raise their voices to speak, the place full of people as it usually was on the weekends. It was a popular spot, close to the sports center.

As it was their custom after every match, they discussed every play they remembered while digging into their burgers. Oikawa focusing on what Tobio could have done better, Iwaizumi on what he had done well. It was a nice equilibrium, and he appreciated both their efforts. He could see from the corner of his eye that Hinata kept switching his attention to whoever was talking at the moment, probably not understanding half of what they were saying.

“What did you think of the game?” He asked him, feeling self-conscious about leaving him out of the conversation for so long. When did he start caring about that?

"It fas amaffing!" Hinata replied, mouth full of food. "It was all like all woosh and gwah and it looked so cool!" Tobio could see crumbs flying out of his mouth. _Dumbass_. "I didn't know you're so good," he finished, turning down a notch his excitement.

Tobio hated the warmth growing on his ears. "I'm not…" he started, embarrassed, but Oikawa patted his back, cutting him off.

"That's because he had the best coaches to teach him," he said, puffing out his chest. As much as he wanted to, Tobio couldn’t really argue with that. They had been great mentors, both on and off the court.

"Do you know how to spike?" Hinata asked, eyes wide with excitement. They didn’t look so fake this time, and Tobio felt like getting lost in them.

Someone cleared their throat next to him, pulling him back before his brain malfunctioned. “Yeah…” He replied, squinting at him.

"Would you teach me?" He asked, beaming at him. Every cell on his body wanted to say yes. How could he refuse that smile? "You never played volleyball and you want to start with spikes? Do you even know the basics?" He replied drily, instead. Why did he always have to make things so difficult?

"Well… No, but that’s why I want to learn so I can hit spikes!" He grinned showing too much teeth. It didn't reach his eyes anymore, and he knew he’d fucked up. Again. Oikawa and Iwaizumi shared one of _their looks_ and excused themselves from the table, claiming they were going out for a smoke. Tobio glared at their backs. Neither of them had ever smoked in their life.

"So? Would you teach me?" Hinata insisted, forcing Tobio's attention back on him. He still had his fake smile plastered on, unwavering. It pissed him off.

“Why do you keep doing that?” Tobio asked, frowning. He didn’t know what bothered him the most, the fact the Hinata wouldn’t drop the act or the knowledge that he had been the one to make him feel down with his negative attitude.

“Doing what?” Hinata asked, forcing a confused laugh that couldn't fool anyone.

“That,” he vaguely pointed at his face with a circular motion. “Pretending you’re happy when it’s clear something’s bothering you,” he left out the part of knowing he was the _something_ bothering him.

Hinata’s smile fell and Tobio felt his stomach twisting. “I…” he blinked, his mouth hanging open. He didn’t seem to be used to people calling him out like that.

“Whatever, you don’t have to tell me,” Tobio rushed to say, sounding rougher than intended. “But you don’t need to act around me,” he added, feeling guilty about the change on the mood.

Surprise was written all over Hinata’s face, but it was soon replaced by something else. Was he ashamed of being caught? “I’m sorry,” he mumbled, his shoulders slumping, eyes down to his knees.

Tobio wasn't sure what to say to that. Why was he apologizing? He’d been the one to point it out on the first place, and now felt like shit because of it. Who was he to tell Hinata how to act? It’s not like he did so good himself. "I'll do it," he sighed, hoping it would make up for his attitude.

"Do what?" Hinata looked up at him, eyebrows knitted together.

"I'll teach you how to spike,” he promised, cheeks tinted pink. “But you're gonna have to learn the basics first," he said, ignoring the voice at the back of his mind screaming at him he was incapable of teaching anything, that he would fuck up again and make the boy in front of him feel sad yet again.

Hinata’s face transformed into something he’d never seen before. Eyes wider than ever, and his smile was so bright he felt he was staring at the sun. His breath hitched, his heart went crazy, and Tobio wondered what the hell he had just gotten himself into.


	7. Ghosts That We Knew

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some more volleyball because Haikyuu is about… you know… volleyball.  
> Also angst. Sorry. There will be fluff soon(ish).  
> There’s a long talk about self-harm and suicide thoughts on this chapter. It was one of the hardest parts to write since I can relate with most of what Hinata said. While I’m doing much better now, I know it can still be triggering. Please, please take care of yourselves and feel free to come talk to me at [Tumblr](https://allmycharactersaregay.tumblr.com/) if you ever need to vent.

After Tobio called him out, Hinata changed the way he acted in front of him. It wasn’t too obvious at first sight, but by then Tobio had been studying him long enough to notice the little changes. He didn’t talk _constantly_ now, seemingly not as desperate to fill any silence that could cause others to ask what was wrong with him. He didn’t smile as much, but when he did his eyes lit up in a way that made Tobio forget everything else around him. He was more honest. If he was tired or feeling down he would just say so, instead of amping up his volume to cover it up. On occasions he would look like he wanted to be anywhere but there, eyes glistening, and Tobio would always find an excuse to send him to the storage room looking for something that wasn’t really there. Hinata never complained about the pointless tasks when he returned later. He must have realized Tobio was just giving him a chance to be alone without the rest of their coworkers and customers.

There was one thing he still hadn’t managed to understand, though. Sometimes Tobio would look his way to find Hinata staring back at him, spacing out, until their eyes met and the ginger would quickly avert his gaze. Every time it happened, he’d blush profusely and start mumbling like an idiot when Tobio questioned what was going on. He once even tried asking Kenma what that was about, but he only snorted. “Seriously, Tobio, I don’t know which one of you is denser,” he replied, leaving him even more confused than before.

Still, odd behaviors aside, things were good between them. He felt somewhat giddy when thinking about it. He had a friend. An actual friend that wasn’t an adult or a little girl. He could _not_ fuck this up. Maybe that’s why he was so nervous about agreeing to teach Hinata how to play. There were so many things that could go wrong. And all of them would be his fault, because he was too awkward, too impatient, too short-tempered. He was going to do something stupid and ruin their friendship.

 

They met at the entrance of the primary school where Iwaizumi was coaching a group of kids. Tobio had asked him for tips on how to teach someone who’d never touched a ball in their life, and he invited them to watch the class so Hinata could see some lower-level playing. They were sitting on the floor on the side, Tobio naming every movement and explaining some of the basic rules. At first he had the suspicion that Hinata wasn’t listening at all, given how he was almost vibrating, eyes fixed on the ball. But then he’d come up with follow-up questions and Tobio’s chest would swell with pride at knowing how to answer every single one of them. It was lame, probably, feeling that way from talking about volleyball. But it had played such an important part in his life. Getting to share that with Hinata, and him being so into it? Tobio couldn’t even begin to describe the weird but nice sensation that ran through his body.

Once the class was dismissed, the coach disappeared following his students, letting them borrow the gym for the next hour under the condition they cleaned up after they were done. Hinata seemed genuinely excited, for once, and Tobio was terrified. This was a mistake. What if Hinata sucked and his already short patience wasn’t enough? What if he snapped at him again, killing his enthusiasm? He still felt bad about their talk at the diner a week ago. It wouldn’t be the first time he’d be called a killjoy.

He guided Hinata through a warm up routine, not too thorough, but enough to make sure he wouldn’t be complaining too much afterwards. Tobio was already used to a strict training regime, but as far as he knew Hinata had never done much sports. Tobio took off his team’s jacket, tossing it towards the bench. He suggested Hinata to do the same with his oversized hoodie, but he claimed he was okay like that.

“It’s uncomfortable to play with long sleeves, you’re gonna want your arms free for better control of the ball,” Tobio explained. “I can lend you some compression sleeves if you’re cold,” he offered, frowning at Hinata who almost immediately shook his head. “At least roll them up?” He suggested, eyeing him. Why was he so tense? He seemed perfectly fine two minutes ago.

“No!” Hinata snapped. “I said I’m ok,” he added, lowering his voice again and taking a step back. What the hell? Why was he reacting so bad to something so trivial? Tobio knew he was bad with people, but that _was_ weird, even by his standards. “Can’t we just start playing?” Hinata asked, and seeing the worry in his eyes, Tobio let the subject go for the time being.

They started with overhead passes, since that was what Hinata started practicing by himself as soon as he got his hands on a ball. He wasn’t good, but that was to be expected from someone who was just learning to play. He’d get better with practice, he hoped the fourth time Hinata received a toss with his face. They both relaxed after a while, Hinata’s increasing cheeriness making him forget their awkward exchange. He celebrated every time a pass connected, making weird noises and jumping on his place. It wasn’t fair, him being so cute.

Before his thoughts sidetracked and caused his brain to malfunction, Tobio decided to move to something else. He tried to teach him how to receive so they could later switch to underhand passes, but Hinata’s stance was too stiff. He let the ball drop to the floor and moved towards him.

“You need to separate your legs a bit more, dumbass,” he said, pushing Hinata’s feet with his own. “Bend your knees like this, and lower down your hips, see?” He showed him doing the proper pose himself, but it didn’t seem to be enough. He got closer, standing in front of him, and placed a hand on Hinata’s hip to guide him. He had to apply more force this time, because the moron was even more rigid. Tobio let go only to reach for him again, this time brushing his hands, moving up through his forearms until he got to his elbows. “You need to extend them like this, and—” he looked up to see Hinata’s face was beet red. Only then he realized he’d been touching him like it was nothing.

He removed his hands as if something was burning him, stuttering an apology. What was he _thinking_? Actually, that was the problem. He wasn’t thinking at all. Volleyball was second nature to him and he had just acted on instinct. But his instinct wasn’t supposed to include grabbing Hinata by the hips to fix his position. Not that he hadn’t thought about it, but it was in a completely different context that he’d rather not think about in front of him. “I’ll, uh, get the ball,” he mumbled, hiding his face behind the back of his hand. There was no way he could meet his eyes after that. Hinata nodded, still blushing furiously.

After a deep breath, Tobio returned to the court, ball under his arm. Hinata looked like a mess and Tobio thought the best way to clear the air would be to avoid talking at all odds, so he just served the ball, making sure it wasn’t too strong or too fast. He hoped Hinata would follow his lead, and he did. Or tried to. He received it with the side of his fist and managed to smash it against his own forehead.

“Idiot,” Tobio _tsked_. “Don’t swing your arms like a moron, you need to use your whole body,” he corrected from where he was standing, a few meters away. He didn’t dare getting closer, in case his hands decided to move on their own again.

Hinata muttered something under his breath that sounded like an insult, but Tobio ignored it in favor of serving the ball again. And again, and again, but it kept bouncing off at odd angles every time Hinata received it. By the tenth ball he had to go retrieve from the other side of the gym Tobio was pissed.

“You dumbass,” he groaned, stomping towards him. “I told you, you can’t make a pass with your forearms if you’re hitting the ball with this lump of fabric,” he said, forgetting his newly self imposed no-touch rule and grabbing Hinata’s arm.

“It’s not the hoodie, let me try again,” Hinata argued, trying to free himself, looking terrified of something. Tobio was too blinded by annoyance to care, though. “Please, don’t” Hinata _begged_ , at the same time Tobio used his free hand to push up the fabric of his sleeve, leaving his forearm uncovered.

They both froze. Across Hinata’s left wrist, Tobio saw a few thin, white parallel lines. He didn’t understand what he was seeing at first, they were almost invisible unless you looked closely, like he was doing now. Scars. The shock made him loosen his grip on Hinata, who finally managed to break free.

“You’re an ass, you know that?” Hinata muttered, fixing his hoodie again and turning to leave. The pain in his gaze shook Tobio to his core. So that’s what he’d been trying so hard to hide, and Tobio had fucked up again.

“Fuck,” Tobio whispered. “Wait, fuck, I’m sorry,” he rushed to follow, but Hinata didn’t stop. Luckily, his legs were longer and he wasn’t being blinded by tears, so he quickly caught up with him. Wait, why was he crying? Was he ashamed of his scars? They weren’t _that_ noticeable. Why was he so self-conscious about them? What kind of accident would leave that kind of—. His brain stopped the moment he realized what it meant. His hand was still gripping Hinata’s shoulder, but neither of them where talking, Hinata staring at the floor, his right hand around his left wrist, as if he was worried Tobio would try to uncover it again.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered again, letting go of his shoulder. “I… I shouldn’t have… I was just trying...” What was he trying? He didn’t know what to say, what to do. Had Hinata done that to himself? He always thought his fake happiness was hiding some kind of sadness behind, but he never imagined it could be this bad. He hadn’t seen enough scars before to know how old or recent his were, or how deep they were.

“You _had_ to get your way, didn’t you?” Hinata accused, his lower lip trembling, stopping his train of thoughts. He was avoiding his gaze, tugging on his sleeve like it wasn’t hiding enough of his skin.

“I…” Tobio was at a loss for words. “I’m so sorry,” how many times could he repeat the same thing over and over again? Why couldn’t he find something else to say? It was so frustrating, being so bad at expressing his thoughts. He only wanted to tell him he wouldn’t judge him for whatever had happened in his past, that he didn’t even need to explain anything to him. But all he could do was stare at him like an idiot.

Hinata scoffed, and he couldn’t seem more different than the bright sunshine boy he’d gotten to like so much. “Don’t look at me like that,” he scoffed, eyes clouded behind tears.

Tobio frowned, getting angrier with himself by the minute. He couldn’t believe he just couldn’t stop hurting him. He’d do anything to change it, but he didn’t know what. He opened his mouth to apologize yet again.

“Stop apologizing,” Hinata cut him off. “I don’t want your pity,” he spatted, swatting his hand away. “Just leave me alone, please,” his voice broke along with Tobio’s heart. He stormed off the gym, and this time Tobio was too stunned to react in time to stop him. He just stared at the empty doorway, until it wasn’t empty anymore. Their hour must have run out; Iwaizumi was back to make sure they cleaned after themselves.

“What are you doing, standing there? Go!” Iwaizumi rushed him, getting out of the way to let him pass once Tobio finally reacted and darted towards where he assumed Hinata had gone.

He was glad students had gone home already, making it easier to find a mop of orange hair near the end of the empty courtyard. Hinata was sitting on the floor, back against the wall, hugging his knees and hiding his face in the crook his arms. Tobio let out a sigh, clenching his fists and slowly approaching him. All his brain could think of was more apologies, but he was sure it would only make him run away again.

He knelt down in front of Hinata, their knees almost touching. Maybe he should have asked Iwaizumi for advice instead of running without a plan. He licked his lips, nervous. “Hinata,” he called, but it seemed to fall on deaf ears. “Dumbass, would you talk to me?” He tried again, his voice firmer but gentle. Hinata’s shoulders kept trembling and Tobio was losing his mind with worry. “Shouyou,” he said, desperate to get him out of this state.

Hinata stopped shaking. He was still sniffing, but the tension in his body was different. Like he was waiting for Tobio’s next words, ready to run again depending on what he said. Tobio decided to test his luck. How much more could he fuck up? A lot, probably. But it still was worth a shot. “Wanna talk about it?” He asked, brushing Hinata’s arm with his hand.

Hinata shrugged, face still buried in the space between his arms.

“Ok,” Tobio mumbled, and moved to sit next to him, careful to be close, but not too close. That’s what Hinata had done for him the last time, wasn’t it? Staying with him and offering the space to go through his emotions, but with the comfort of having someone by his side.

 

Tobio didn’t know how long they’d been there, and hoped they wouldn’t get kicked out of the school property before Hinata calmed down. He felt Hinata shuffle next to him, but not getting up. “I didn’t want you to know,” he murmured. Tobio shot him a glance from the corner of his eye, and found him absently looking at the empty space in front of him, his chin resting on his knees.

“Did you try to…?” Tobio couldn’t find it in him to say it. He couldn’t bear to think of Hinata wanting to end his life. He didn’t want to. Hinata deserved the world. The idea of him wanting to give up...

The ginger shook his head. “No, I…” he bit his bottom lip. “When I was…” he struggled, frowning, running a hand through his hair. Tobio almost interrupted to tell him he didn’t have to talk if he didn’t want to, but didn’t. He knew how it felt to _need_ to get something out of your chest. “Can we…?” Shouyou started. “Can we go somewhere else?” He finally managed to form a full sentence, looking around the courtyard.

“My dorm is only a few blocks away,” Tobio offered, unsure. He’d never invited anyone over before, except for Iwaizumi and Oikawa. But no other place came to his mind where they could talk privately.

Hinata thought about it for a minute before silently agreeing with a nod of his head. Tobio sent a short text to Iwaizumi, warning him they’d be leaving and apologizing for not helping with the cleanup. His reply came quick, telling him not to worry about it — he’d already taken care of the gym. He really would be lost without the man. Tobio stood up, offering Hinata a hand. He grabbed it, getting up with his help and letting go immediately afterwards, embarrassed.

Neither of them spoke while they walked to his building, Hinata following him in silence. Tobio didn’t try to force a conversation. Not that he would know how to actually start one, but he figured the ginger would appreciate the quiet anyway. If anything, it would give him time to gather his thoughts, even if he decided not to talk about his past.

He opened the door to his dorm, mentally thanking his past self for cleaning the day before. It was a rather small place, but at least Tobio had been lucky enough to get a private room with his own bathroom, only having to share the kitchen. That’s why he usually ate so much later than the rest, to lower the chances of running into someone.

They left their shoes on the genkan and Tobio led Hinata past the short entry hallway. He didn’t have a lot of furniture, his single bed against the white wall, a desk and chair on the opposite side, a bookcase and a mini fridge. Not sure about what he was supposed to do when having someone over, he approached his desk and turned the electric kettle on. He glanced towards Hinata, who was awkwardly standing in the middle of the room, studying the volleyball posters on the walls and family portraits on the shelf over his bed. Family being Oikawa and Iwaizumi, of course. The photos with his parents that he had been forced to bring back from Miyagi were still inside a box on the deepest corner of his closet.

Tobio cleared his throat, not knowing how to get his attention. It worked, Hinata jumped in surprise, as if he’d forgotten he wasn’t alone. “May I use your bathroom?” He asked, voice shaky. He still had tear tracks on his cheeks, and Tobio had to use all of his strength not to wipe them away with his thumb. He nodded instead, pointing him towards a door on the opposite side from where they entered his place.

He busied himself preparing tea in the meantime, setting a mug for Hinata on his makeshift nightstand — three shoe boxes stacked on top of each other. He sat on the old chair by his desk, a hand wrapped around his own mug. Hinata came back, his face wiped clean, and scanned the room. Tobio signaled towards his bed with his free hand, and Hinata sat on its edge, mumbling a thanks before raising the mug to his lips. They both seemed to suddenly remember why they were there, the air in the room turning tense.

“We don’t have to—” Tobio started, lifting up a hand.

“Have you ever felt like…” Hinata talked at the same time and Tobio went silent. “Like life is too much to handle?” He wasn’t looking at him.

Tobio resisted the instinct to snort at that. He could definitely relate to that. “Pretty much every day until I left that house, yes,” he replied.

Hinata nodded like he already knew that would be his answer. “I was so empty, I just wanted to feel something, you know?” He swallowed, scrunching his face. “I tried being sad, being angry, being happy…” He put on a sad smile that couldn’t fool anyone. “It was all the same, no matter what I did,” he said with a shaky voice. “I just wanted to _feel_ something,” he repeated. His lower lip was trembling. “I thought…”, he threaded his fingers through orange hair. “I was just so tired. I thought if I felt the pain, then it meant I wanted to live,” he laughed through his nose, a hand brushing over the fabric of his sleeve. “But then I’d look at Natsu and I knew that no matter how much I wanted to, I couldn’t just give up. I couldn’t leave her alone in that place,” he frowned. “I don’t think I actually wanted to die. I just… I just didn’t want to exist anymore,” their eyes met briefly and Tobio felt his heart up on his throat. “I still don’t, sometimes,” he added with a much lower voice, like he was afraid of voicing his thoughts.

Tobio knew how that felt, thinking his life had no meaning whatsoever, although he had never considered the option of acting on it. He had just settled with being angry at everyone else and bottled up his emotions until he snapped at someone. He looked down at his hands, fingers interlaced around the mug. Hinata kept talking, like he just couldn’t stop his words now that he finally opened some sort of gate. Just like Tobio had opened up weeks ago on the train, Hinata told him everything about his childhood, his father’s absence, his mother’s mistreatment, the random men visiting the house. How hard it had been for him to keep his head up and leave home to take proper care of his sister. How he was still dealing with the aftermath, how much it still hurt. It all made so much sense now, the sadness in his eyes, his constant hiding behind a smile, his breaks to be alone in the storage room.

“I’m sorry, that was a lot to take in, wasn’t it?” Hinata faked a laugh, and only then Tobio realized he hadn’t said anything yet. “I don’t think I’ve ever said this much to anyone before, at least not that last part,” he admitted, looking even smaller than usual with the way he was slouching in his place.

Tobio still didn’t know what to say. He felt useless. Everything he came up with were thrilled ‘it gets better’ phrases. Nothing sounded appropriate. He placed his mug on the desk and got up, reaching the other side of the room in two long steps. Hinata looked up at him, and Tobio stared back, hesitantly, giving the boy a chance to tell him off. When he didn’t, Tobio sat on the bed, his back against the wall, long legs extended across the mattress. Hinata seemed to understand his intentions, because he crawled back over the bed to reposition himself next to Tobio, barely leaving any space between them.

“Sorry I’m not any good at this,” Tobio mumbled, feeling dumber than ever. He’d never hated his social ineptitude more than he did at that moment. He’d do anything to make sure this boy never shed another tear. A smile was a much better look on his face. He wished he could just take all of his pain and carry it on his stead.

“Don’t say that,” Hinata shook his head, laughing under his breath and rubbing his eyes with his hands. “You’re a good listener, that’s all I needed… Thanks for hearing me out,” he said, pressing their arms together and glancing at him.

Tobio blushed at that, avoiding his gaze. “Friends have each other’s back, right?” He repeated Hinata’s words from their trip to Miyagi. Even if the whole situation sucked, he was somewhat glad to be able to offer him some comfort now after the way Hinata had helped him back then.

Hinata smiled, for real this time, but not for long. “I just… I don’t want you to see me like I’m some broken boy now,” he sounded defeated. Tobio hated that pained tone in his voice. Nothing would ever make him think less of Hinata. If anything, he only admired him more now, knowing what he had been through.

“I don’t think you’re broken, dumbass,” he blurted before he could stop himself. But Hinata laughed, and _oh_ , it was like music to his ears, even if there still was some sadness on his tone. “You did the best you could dealing with a shitty situation,” he said, finally understanding what Kenma had meant months ago. He regretted every time he’d complained about him in the past, and hoped Hinata knew he didn’t see him as a bother anymore. He’d make sure to make it clear.

✧

If their visit to Miyagi had brought them closer, after their talk they now were almost inseparable. Tobio still sucked at maintaining a normal conversation, but as it turned out that wasn’t much of a problem with Hinata. He was perfectly capable of keeping the conversation rolling by himself, as long as Tobio listened and hummed every now and then to confirm he was still there.

Tobio was done denying his feelings. By then he had accepted that what had started as a crush had slowly but surely grown into so much more during the past few months. He didn’t have the slightest intention of doing anything about it, though. He knew it would never be mutual. How could someone like Hinata ever like him back? Being friends was enough. Friendship was already more than he’d ever expected to find in him.

He even found himself looking forwards to their shared shifts at the game store. Oikawa kept bugging him into inviting him to do something outside work hours, but Tobio was afraid of being rejected. The logical part of him knew Hinata would probably be happy to agree. But even if it was just hanging out as friends, what if he was too boring and Hinata was too polite to say anything about it? All he could think of was volleyball practice, but that didn’t end too well their first and only time. He’d have to think of something for the next time, he longed to see the happiness on his face when they were playing together, before everything went to hell. He hoped Hinata would give it another chance. Give _him_ another chance.

✧

It was one of those days where every client that entered the shop seemed to be more annoying than the previous one. Changing their mind over what they wanted about ten times before actually deciding on something, complaining about games from twenty years ago being out of stock, demanding discounts as if he was the one who set the price tags. It didn’t seem like his luck was going to change anytime soon. He was now staring at two idiots who kept throwing weird looks his way every few minutes and dropping something every time their eyes met. He’d lost count by now of the amount of times the taller of the two, a dark-haired, well-built guy had scolded the other one, a silver-haired boy. He didn’t remember seeing neither of them before at the store. He would remember that pair of weirdos. What on Earth were they doing? Why were they acting so suspicious? He’d asked them twice already if they needed help, but they insisted they were just browsing.

Ten minutes later they were still there, and the only explanation Tobio could come up with was that they were trying to steal something. He wouldn’t really care if it wasn’t for the fact that whatever went missing would be paid from his own pocket. He moved closer to them in order to listen to their conversation, pretending to rearrange the second hand games display.

“Is that him?” He heard the shorter one ask. “It has to be him!” He answered himself, failing at being quiet. Tobio’s eyebrow twitched. Were they talking about him? There was no one else at the store at the moment.

“I don’t know, Koushi, why don’t you just ask him?” The other replied, trying to hush him. Yep, they were definitely talking about him. Why were they talking about him?

“I can’t! Shou-chan will get mad at us if he knows we talked to him!” He whispered back, quite loudly for a whisper. Had these guys never heard of subtlety? Who the hell was _Shou-chan_?

“Well, stop acting like a weirdo then, you’ll get us kicked out,” the other replied, lifting his index finger to his lips, eyes going wide like begging him to stop making a scene.

 _Yes, please stop whatever you’re doing_ , Tobio thought to himself. _Even better, why don’t you leave?_ He sighed inwardly, hoping someone else were there to could deal with them for him. It was only Hinata and him that day, but the ginger had gone out for snacks to the store around the corner. He should be back any time soon, he’d just let him handle them. Tobio moved a few steps towards them, to keep them on his line of sight, but it seemed to send them into panic.

“Crap, he’s onto us,” the one called Koushi warned, in a not-so-hushed voice, and dropped another bunch of cases. That would be Hinata’s problem as well, Tobio decided, but he at least had to stop them from making more of a mess.

“Excuse me, but if you break anything you’ll have to pay for it,” he turned to them, running out of patience. He really didn’t want to have to deal with this right now.

The taller of the pair facepalmed, letting out a groan, while Koushi knelt down to hurriedly try to get the boxes from the floor. “Ah, sorry, we’re…” He started saying from the floor, but his wide smile fell into a startled look, his eyes focused behind Tobio.

“We’re leaving,” the other said, looking just as worried, poking his friend’s shoulder repeatedly. What could possibly be making them want to run so bad? He was glad to see them go, but the sudden change in their attitude was odd.

Tobio didn’t have time to voice his confusion, though. “Sorry about that, I’ll, uh…” A voice started speaking behind him. “They’re… They’re here for me,” Hinata said, a nervous grin on his face.

He turned to him and studied his face for a few seconds, wondering what their deal was. Shou-chan. Shouyou. _Oh_ , he realized. But if they were there for Hinata, why were they stalking him instead?

“It was nice meeting you, Kageyama-kun! Thanks for taking care of our boy,” the silver-haired guy pulled him from his thoughts, waving and flashing a too bright smile that threw him for a loop.

"Suga!" Hinata groaned, his face completely red. The guy laughed at him in response. Tobio cocked an eyebrow at them. Why was everyone around him so damn weird? Not that he was one to talk, but still.

"Oh, you’re Hinata’s guardian,” Tobio finally understood. Hinata had mentioned them when telling him about how he ended up living in Tokyo. That didn’t explain why they were there, even less the way they acted.

"Not legally, yet, but yes! This is Daichi, by the way,” he gestured towards the taller guy, who was awkwardly standing next to them. They nodded at each other in acknowledgement, but Suga kept chatting before any of them could say anything. “I’m glad to know he talked about us, he and Natsu talk about you _all the time_ ,” the way he said it and the lopsided grin on his face slightly reminded him of Oikawa.

"We should go, Koushi,” Daichi said, pointing at Hinata with a tilt of his head. The boy looked like he was about to combust. “Natsu asked me to say hi,” he turned to Tobio, gently smiling at him. “And she made me promise I’d convince you to visit us for dinner some day, so please say yes?” He asked, one of his hands making a begging gesture.

Tobio wasn’t sure how to react to that. “Ah, sure,” he replied, warmth creeping on his cheeks. He’d never been invited to a friend’s house before. “Thanks,” he added as an afterthought, failing to stop the smile growing on his face. Daichi and Suga smiled back at him before waving and excusing themselves to leave, and Tobio turned to check on Hinata, who’d been strangely quiet for the past few minutes. He was staring at him, eyes wide open and his face almost the color of his hair. “What—?” he tried to ask, but didn’t get a chance. Hinata rushed past him, mumbling something about stock, face hidden behind his hand. “The hell?” He frowned, watching him leave.


	8. Looking For A Little Bit Of Hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I... might have clicked on post instead of preview. Oops.
> 
> It's too late now so enjoy dorks being dorks?

Shouyou was mortified. He knew that Daichi and Suga were curious about Kageyama, and he was well aware that they would have eventually met anyway. But he didn’t expect them to visit the store to stalk him. Did they really have to embarrass him like that? Besides, he didn't talk about him so much, did he? At least they'd thrown Natsu under the bus as well, which made him feel a little bit less dumb. She really did talk a lot about him. Their little studying meetings had gotten them closer, and if that wasn't enough, the teddy bear he got her in Miyagi had sealed the deal. It was her most prized possession, not that she had many to begin with, and there wasn't a single night where she didn't fall asleep with her arms around it.

Still, she was a little girl. It was perfectly normal for her to be talking all the time about someone who'd been nothing but nice to her. For a grown up like Shouyou, not so much. The embarrassment from Suga's words wasn't the main reason why he was hiding in the storage room, though. Kageyama's smile was. His breath hitched, his heart went crazy, and Shouyou wondered what the hell that meant.

It had been happening a lot, lately. Shouyou would be working, minding his own business, and then their eyes would casually meet across the store, setting his face on fire. He thought that with time he’d get used to the way his heart fluttered when Kageyama approached him on his own accord, but it only got harder. The closer they got, the more the wanted. And they _had_ gotten a lot closer that he could have imagined.

 

He shouldn’t have been surprised when Kageyama wasn’t spooked away by the scars on his arms. They were almost imperceptible after so long, but Shouyou _knew_ they were there, _knew_ he was the one who caused them, and that made them seem like everyone would see them right away and judge him for it. Not Kageyama, though. He had proven more than once to be one of the most kind-hearted boys he’d ever met, despite his awkwardness and constant scowls. He’d never talked so openly about it before. Kenma and his newfound family only knew the basics, respecting his wishes to not discuss the subject. But something in Kageyama made him feel safe. It might be because he had let him into his own sad story. It might be because looking into dark blue eyes made him want to spit everything out, his darkest thoughts, his brightest memories.

There weren’t many of the latter, but over the past year life certainly had been improving. He wasn’t _happy_. He still had a long way to go. But he wasn’t in that constant state of worry, hiding his own self, afraid of being rejected by the world. He was surrounded by people who supported him, who would always have his back. A sister who would claim to be afraid of the dark just so he would go to bed early with her and get enough sleep. Two guardians who would go out of their way to make sure he had everything he could possibly need. A best friend who could read him like a book and would always say exactly what he needed to hear, even if it wasn’t what he _wanted_ to hear. And now he had Kageyama, who made his days feel lighter.

✧

Although Kageyama hadn’t complained about Suga and Daichi’s visit, and even agreed to their open invitation, it wasn’t until two months later that Shouyou finally gathered the courage to make it an official invitation. It wasn’t that he didn’t want him there, quite the opposite actually. But he was afraid of being teased by the couple and not being able to overcome the embarrassment if Kageyama caught up on his feelings because of them.

Shouyou was a nervous mess. So far, they’d only seen each other out of work three times, and each one of them had been awkward at some point. Two of them had been filled with personal past drama, and during the other one he’d been too deep into his gay panic to actually enjoy it. He could only hope he wouldn’t act too weird this time. It was one thing to chat while they were sharing a shift at work, but now Kageyama was coming over just to hang out with _him_ , no obligations whatsoever.

He was helping Suga prepare pork curry for dinner. Oikawa had texted Shouyou the day before letting him know Kageyama’s favorite food. Teasing remarks and kaomojis aside, he was grateful for the tip. They were almost done when the doorbell rang. He rushed to wipe his hands over a dishcloth, but before he could even attempt to go get the door, someone beat him to it. Natsu had run all the way from the dining room across the foyer and was now clinging to Kageyama, who was awkwardly patting her back. After a lifetime of not knowing how it felt to be hugged by her own mother, now she always made sure to show her affection.

He barely even managed to wave at him before his sister was pulling Kageyama by the hand to give him the tour of the house. The living room, the master bedroom, the study, her room. Shouyou’s heart was swelling with _something_ at seeing them interact. Kageyama’s flustered face, being dragged around room after room was endearing. Until he realized their next stop would be his own room, which was a mess. He never thought Kageyama would see more than their living room and maybe the bathroom, so he hadn’t bothered with cleaning.

Shouyou went after them, silently stepping inside the room. It was a noticeable contrast with Kageyama’s. While the setter had almost no furniture and only a few pictures and posters, Shouyou’s was exploding with stuff. His desk was a chaos, open notebooks, comics and game cases all over its surface. Clothes on his chair, on his laundry basket, on his bed. He might have spent the afternoon trying on almost every piece of clothing he owned, trying to decide on what to wear for dinner. At the end he just wore his regular jeans and black hoodie, not wanting to look like he was trying _too hard_.

Kageyama didn’t seem to mind the state of his room, focusing instead on his wall decor. Most of his walls were covered by video game and movie posters, except for the one by his bed. There was a big cork board on it, filled with pictures. It was his favorite part of his room. There were family photos with Natsu, Suga and Daichi, several selfies with Kenma, some with Akaashi and he even made a place for the one Oikawa took back in Miyagi. That was the one Kageyama was focusing on, and for a minute Shouyou worried he’d think it was weird of him to print that photo. But then he saw the tiniest smile on his face. Shouyou suddenly felt the need to make a hundred copies of the photo and plaster the room with them, so Kageyama would understand how much he meant to them. It might be a bit too much, though.

Suga stopped his mind from derailing by calling them for dinner. They all sat around the kotatsu, Natsu claiming the seat next to their guest. It was a wonder he hadn’t grown exasperated by the attention, but Kageyama politely replied every question Suga and Daichi made. They were kind enough to avoid mentioning his biological family, as Shouyou requested earlier. Suga behaved, keeping his promise of not embarrassing him, and every time he seemed to be about to slip, Daichi would bump their knees to keep him in check.

After dinner Kageyama offered to do the dishes as thanks, and wouldn’t take no for an answer at Suga’s insistence that it wasn’t necessary. Natsu trailed after him to assist.

“He seems to be a nice kid,” Daichi smiled, and Shouyou smiled back at him. Why did he feel so proud of Daichi approving of his friend? Why did it feel like they were his parents interviewing his _boyfriend_?

“You chose well, Shou-chan,” Suga winked at him, leaning closer to rub his hair.

Shouyou felt his face burning at that. He’d never told them anything about liking Kageyama. Was he that obvious? Was that the reason why they wanted to meet him so bad, to make sure he wouldn’t fall for someone who would hurt him? As embarrassing as it was, the reasoning behind it was comforting.

“I’ll see if they need any help,” he excused himself, not wanting to have that conversation when Kageyama was around and could overhear them. He grabbed his glass from the table and scrambled before he could hear Suga’s teasing in response.

He found Kageyama washing the dishes while Natsu dried them next to him. They didn’t notice his arrival. He leaned against the doorframe, silently watching them talk about her school, his volleyball team, and soon Shouyou stopped processing their words. He was lost in Kageyama’s relaxed expression, his soft smile. He didn’t usually have the chance to just _look_ at him. Was he being a weirdo now? Probably. Definitely. But he couldn’t stop thinking how much he liked the smile that Kageyama only let out when he felt comfortable. Not even when it disappeared into a tight line, Kageyama scowling and demanding him to help instead of just staring at them like a dumbass. Shouyou just laughed and the blush and stuttered curses he got in response made it even better.

 

✧

Shouyou wasn't used to festivities. Living with his mother, not even birthdays were acknowledged. He remembered seeing his classmates fussing about their Valentine's Day chocolates or Christmas gifts, but he'd always been an outsider to those celebrations. He tried to get something for Natsu and that was it. He felt guilty about declining their invitations, but he couldn't afford exchanging gifts or leaving his sister by herself.

After moving to Tokyo, the tiniest thing was a reason to feast at Daichi and Suga's. He would never forget last year, when he had completely forgotten his own birthday, and got back home from an especially long day of classes to find his chosen family and friends waiting for him with more food than he'd ever seen on a single place.

Christmas had been even better, having dinner with his sister, Suga and Daichi, and then getting together with Kenma and Akaashi at their place for a bad movie marathon. This year the invitation had been extended to Kageyama and Akaashi's boyfriend, who Shouyou didn't know much except for his visits to the store when Akaashi still worked regular shifts, and a few short texts asking each other help with their gift selection.

Since getting presents for everyone with a part time salary was too much, and they didn't want to leave anyone out, they'd set up a Secret Santa game for the group. Shouyou was mildly disappointed he hadn't gotten Kageyama, wanting an excuse to give him something as thanks for not running away from all of his baggage.

He got early to the apartment Kenma shared with Akaashi, and laughed at the sight of Bokuto making them hang fairy lights across the living room because ‘ _it’s Christmas, how can you not have decorations?_ ’. He could hear Kenma cursing under his breath and wondered which one of his games had been confiscated this time to get him to cooperate.

It was a small apartment, so they moved the coffee table and couch to a corner against an empty wall, leaving enough space for all of them to sleep bunched together later. Why they did that when there were two perfectly comfortable beds in the other rooms he didn’t know, but Shouyou didn’t complain. He loved sleepovers, even if it meant being woken up in the middle of the night by a kick to his knees or a fist in his face.

Kageyama was the last to arrive, and Shouyou felt relieved at seeing him. He worried if his lateness had been caused by not wanting to be there or not being sure if he really was welcomed there. He hoped tonight would prove him he was already part of the group.

They sat on the carpet forming a circle around their piled up gifts. Shouyou was cross-legged next to Kageyama, thinking it would help him feel less out of place. On the setter’s other side was Kenma, followed by Akaashi and then Bokuto, who kept accidentally bumping shoulders with Shouyou, unable to sit still. It was Bokuto’s first Christmas with them, and he’d been more than happy to spend time with his boyfriend’s friends.

Shouyou was the first one to hand over his present. He’d gotten Akaashi an illustrated book about a very specific kind of bird. There was a great horned owl on the hard cover that kinda reminded him of the boy vibrating with excitement next to him.

“Do you love it, Akaashi?” Bokuto asked before his boyfriend even had a chance to react.

“I do,” Akaashi nodded. “Thanks, Hinata-kun, I’ve been eyeing this for a while,” he said, lips curling into a smile, running his fingers through the golden embossed letters of the title.

“You’re welcome!” Hinata beamed, pleased his gift had been well received. “I might have asked someone for help,” he admitted, sheepishly rubbing the nape of his neck, Bokuto proudly puffing out his chest.

“Thanks to you as well, then, Bokuto-san,” Akaashi briefly turned to his boyfriend, his smile growing warmer. He reached to get something from the pile in front of him. “And Merry Christmas,” he added, handing him an envelope.

Bokuto squealed, ripping the wrapping paper open, not minding the ‘ _careful, Bokuto-san_ ’ his boyfriend mumbled. Inside were two passes to an owl sanctuary, train tickets and a hotel reservation card to a nearby city. “Akaashi!” Was all he could say after staring at them for a whole minute. They’d all heard the story of their first date, when Bokuto took him to an owl cafe, only to leave disappointed by the stress the animals were put through. Akaashi had spent the rest of that afternoon trying to get him out of his dejected mood. Bokuto knew he was the one when he succeeded. “You’re the best!” He threw himself on his direction to plant a loud kiss on his cheek, arms around his neck. Akaashi looked embarrassed but did absolutely nothing to push him away.

Shouyou averted his gaze, feeling shy from their display of affection, only to find Kageyama was looking at him. They both turned away immediately, faces flushed red. Kenma took mercy on them, clearing his throat and calling the lovebirds off for the PDA. Bokuto laughed it off, but let go of his blushing boyfriend to rummage through the remaining packages until he found his. “Here, Pudding Head,” he grinned, dropping it on Kenma’s lap and earning himself a half hearted glare.

It was a boxed game, the latest expansion to the MMORPG where Kenma and Shouyou met online . “Thanks, Koutarou, I was looking forward to playing this,” he said, a ghost of a smile on his face. “And Shouyou, for helping him, I presume,” he added as an afterthought, Bokuto’s laugh a confirmation.

Kenma grabbed the bigger of the two remaining items and offered it to Kageyama, who’d been silently sitting there the whole time. He reluctantly took it, like he didn’t really expect to get a gift. Inside the box was a brand new Polaroid camera and a few photo paper packs for it. He looked up at him, surprise written all over his face.

“Shouyou mentioned you didn’t have many pictures with friends at your place.” That was a polite way to say he had absolutely _no_ pictures with someone other than Iwaizumi and Oikawa.

“I’ve never had many friends…” Kageyama muttered, embarrassed. Shouyou bumped their shoulders together, and Bokuto looped an arm around him to not so gently smack Kageyama’s back, almost making him drop the camera.

“Seems to me you have some, now,” Kenma noted, biting down a smile at the pair of dumbasses nearly falling down under Bokuto’s weight, Akaashi pulling his boyfriend back by the fabric of his shirt.

Kageyama seemed to perk up at that. “Thanks, Kenma.” He didn’t need to say more than that for everyone in the room to understand how much the gesture meant to him. While Shouyou couldn’t quite imagine him asking someone for a selfie, he’d make sure to drag Kageyama into enough pictures with the whole group before the night ended.

Kageyama grabbed the last package, something wrapped in a black and white plaid patterned paper. Shouyou’s heart started beating faster at knowing Kageyama had bought something for him. Even if it was just because of some game, he still had taken the time to think of a gift for _him_. Their fingers brushed when he took the present and he did his best to focus on the item he was holding. It was light, something soft inside. Clothes? He licked his lips in anticipation. What if he didn’t like whatever was inside? He didn’t think there was anything Kageyama could give him that he wouldn’t like, but _what if_?

“Oi, dumbass, are you gonna open it or not?” Kageyama poked his shoulder. Seeing he looked even more worried than him eased his nerves a little.

He broke the wrapping paper and two transparent plastic bags fell on his lap. He picked the smaller one, holding a pair of black cotton wristbands with an orange trim. He looked up at Kageyama, who seemed to be about to pass out, and down back to the second bag. Inside were a pair of… arm warmers? He wasn’t exactly sure of what he was looking at, something made of black soft fabric.

“Ohh, compression sleeves!” Bokuto cheered, ignoring his boyfriend’s ‘ _indoor voice, Bokuto-san_ ’. “Do you play volleyball too, Chibi-chan?”

Shouyou ignored the nickname in favor of focusing on the rest, finally understanding what it was. “Kageyama has been trying to teach me,” he said, voice trembling a bit. They hadn’t approached the subject since that time, although he still wanted to play. He wanted to share that with him, but didn’t know how to tell him without mentioning what interrupted their practice.

“You can return them or change them for something else if you don’t….” Kageyama started saying, and Shouyou hated how insecure he sounded.

“I love them,” he cut him off. How could he have ever thought Kageyama wouldn’t choose exactly what he needed, even if Shouyou himself didn’t know it? It was something so simple, being able to cover his scars but still being able to play and wear short-sleeved clothes. Up until then he’d always wore stuff that covered his arms, even on the hottest days of summer. It was stupid he’d never thought of it before, too focused on his self pity. Shouyou felt tears forming at the corners of his eyes, he didn’t deserve such a thoughtful gift from such a thoughtful boy. He wanted to thank him, but his mouth didn’t cooperate. He wanted to hug him. He wanted to kiss him.

Before he could make a fool of himself in front of all his friends, Kenma stood up to his rescue, hustling everyone to help arrange the futons in front of the TV so they could start watching some movies. Shouyou didn’t react, though, his body frozen the minute his eyes met Kageyama’s. “Thanks,” was all he could mumble, smiling shyly at him. It seemed to be enough, because Kageyama relaxed his shoulders and smiled back. Shouyou was sure right then that he wouldn’t get much sleep that night.

At some point during the third movie they all started falling asleep, sprawled on the futons. Most of them were used to this sleeping arrangement, except for the two newest additions to the group. Bokuto didn’t seem to be uncomfortable, though, happily snoring with a leg thrown over Akaashi, who was the only one who dared to sleep next to him. Shouyou was the last to lay down after changing into comfier clothes in the bathroom. It probably wasn’t a coincidence that the only remaining spot was right between Kenma and Kageyama, who was on the other end of the bundle of mattresses, facing the wall. He could feel his body heat, so close that just moving a little bit would be enough to touch his back. Shouyou stared at the ceiling, recalling the night events and pondering how much longer he’d be able to hide his feelings.

The lights had been out for at least an hour or two and Shouyou was barely awake when he felt Kageyama shifting on his side. His eyes had grown slightly accustomed to the darkness by then, but he could only make out his silhouette. He couldn’t see if his eyes were open or not, but from his slow breathing he figured Kageyama was still asleep. Shouyou moved a hand towards the small space between them. His fingers found Kageyama’s, and he was about to pull back when they wrapped around his. He waited a few minutes to see if Kageyama moved again, and gave his hand a light squeeze when he didn’t. There was no response other than a slight change in his breathing, going awkwardly slower. Was Kageyama really asleep? Did he think _he_ was asleep?

He didn’t get to find out, his exhaustion finally catching up with his body. By the time he woke up, everyone but Kenma was gone. He kinda wished he had left too, if only to avoid the smug smirk he directed towards him the rest of the morning. At least he’d gotten more pictures for his wall. Bokuto had made them take the same group selfie five times with Kageyama’s new camera, so they’d each get their own copy, and then they all took turns to take more photos. His favorite wasn’t one of the Polaroids, though. It was the one Kenma sent to his phone after he got back home, and he lamented the fact that he wouldn’t be able to put it on his wall with the rest. There was no way he could explain a picture of him lying next to Kageyama, their fingers intertwined, both smiling in their sleep.

 

✧

Even after a few months passed, Shouyou hadn’t gathered enough confidence to admit his feelings out loud. He and Kageyama kept talking and bickering as usual, the latter now being a regular on their Friday movie nights, but neither of them acknowledged the falling asleep holding hands situation. If Kageyama wanted to talk about it he’d say so, _right_? Kenma kept teasing him, refusing to tell him what Kageyama had said when he woke up.

It wasn’t until Kuroo returned to Japan that Shouyou had the chance to revert their roles and tease Kenma instead. After years of them not talking, Kuroo now kept coming to the store almost every day to see Kenma. As much as he acted like he didn’t want him there, Shouyou knew that was far from the truth. He only wished his best friend wasn’t so scared of being heartbroken again.

"Come on, Kenma, why can't you just give him a chance?" Shouyou asked one afternoon, not for the first time. He was sitting behind the counter cross-checking inventory against their online orders, Kenma sitting next to him, not even pretending to help.

"You know why, how many times do we have to repeat this conversation?" Kenma didn’t bother to look up from his game.

"As many times as it takes you to admit it," Shouyou replied, ignoring his friend’s groan. "I know he hurt you in the past, but he really does seem to be serious about this."

"You talked to him just a handful of times, how can you possibly know that?"

"I don't know, I just… He's been patient with your boundaries. He’s trying to make it up to you.” Shouyou sighed, frustrated at his stubbornness. “Why can't you at least try being friends again? You know you want to."

"No, I don't—"

"Kenma, you said it yourself. You’ll never get over Kuroo. Why do you keep lying to yourself?"

"Oh, I'm lying to myself?" Kenma scoffed and Shouyou knew he’d said the wrong thing. It was never a good sign when Kenma scoffed. "What about you and Tobio?"

"What?" He glimpsed around the store to confirm Kageyama hadn’t arrived yet.

"You've been pining after him for months."

“I’m not pining.” Shouyou's voice went an octave higher.

"Shouyou," Kenma raised his brows, eyes fixated on the small screen.

"Why does it matter, anyway?” He sighed again, feeling defeated. “He'd never like someone like me."

That got Kenma to look up at him. “You can’t be serious,” he frowned.

Shouyou blinked at him, confused.

“Shouyou, it’s obvious he—” The door of the store opened and Kenma turned his head so fast it was a wonder his neck didn’t crack. By the look on his face, Shouyou didn’t need to ask who the newcomer was.

“It’s obvious he what?” He poked his friend’s shoulder, too intrigued now. He needed to know before Kuroo got close enough to hear them. One person teasing him was more than he could handle.

“You should talk to him,” Kenma avoided his question, pretending to focus again on his game. “Or do I need to kidnap your Switch?”

“You know that won’t work on me,” he grinned, not in the least apologetic for having stolen his console to convince him to just let Kuroo into the store again. Kenma shrugged. “I’ll tell you what, I’ll think about it if you at least agree to spend some time with him, _alone_ ,” Shouyou emphasized the last word with a tilt of his head. So far Kenma had always made sure to have someone else with him when his childhood friend was around.

Kenma squinted at him, but didn’t get a chance to agree or refuse. Kuroo was already within earshot, waving at them and sporting a crooked grin. Kageyama was behind him, slightly blushing. Why was he blushing? That wasn’t the first time he’d seen Kageyama flustered around Kuroo.

“Hey guys, look who I ran into on my way here?” Kuroo winked at him. Shouyou tried really hard not to read too much into it.

“You’re late, Bakageyama,” Shouyou exclaimed, getting up from his seat. “Would you help me with something in the back?” he asked, not waiting for a response before grabbing his wrist and dragging the startled boy protesting behind him. He could almost feel Kenma glaring daggers at his back. He knew he’d have to pay for that later, but it was worth it if he could push his friend towards the happiness he deserved.

Kageyama yanked his arm free as soon as they entered the storage room, wrapping his fingers around the skin Shouyou had been touching. “What’s so urgent you had to drag me like that, dumbass?” He asked, scowling.

“Sorry, I just wanted to leave those two alone,” Shouyou explained, scratching the side of his head. He sat on one of the bean bags Akaashi had gotten for when Kenma hid there to play video games instead of working. If he was going to slack off, he could at least do it sitting on something other than the floor, he had said.

“Why?” Kageyama dragged the matching seat in front of him, sitting down with a plop.

“Kenma’s too stubborn for his own good. I’m tired of watching him suffer when what he wants is right in front of him and wants him back,” he stared down at his knees, playing with a loose thread from his ripped jeans. He didn’t want to look in front of him, where the boy he wanted was.

Kageyama was silent for a couple of minutes and Shouyou was about to change the subject when he spoke again. “Doesn’t it bother you?”

“What?” Shouyou frowned, disconcerted.

“Isn’t Kenma your ex boyfriend?”

“Oh, yeah, but we…” He wasn’t sure how to explain it. “We’re better off as friends,” he shrugged. While at first it might have been weird after being together for almost a year, Shouyou hadn’t been jealous of Kenma dating someone else once they broke up. “Besides, have you _seen_ the way they look at each other when they think no one is looking?”

Kageyama furrowed his brows like he was truly thinking about it. He looked kinda cute when he was concentrating on something. Who would have guessed the boy he once thought was a scowling jerk could be _cute_? “Do you have someone you like?” Shouyou asked before his brain could catch up with what his mouth was doing.

Kageyama’s eyes went wide in surprise at the sudden turn of their conversation, his face scarlet red. “What? No, dumbass,” he muttered, looking everywhere else but in his direction.

“Doesn’t seem like it,” Shouyou tried to hide his hurt with a teasing tone. He wished he hadn’t asked something so stupid.

“Maybe, I…” Kageyama mumbled, playing with his fringe as if it could cover his face. “I think I do.” It was barely a whisper, but loud enough to make his heart sink. Was this his karma for meddling in Kenma’s love life?

“Are you gonna tell them?” He inquired, praying Kageyama wouldn’t hear the sudden sadness in his voice. He wanted to be supportive. He did. But did it have to hurt _so much_?

Kageyama glanced at him for a second, something in his eyes that Shouyou hadn’t seen before. He opened his mouth to speak, but closed it again. He did it two more times, like he couldn’t decide if he wanted to voice his thoughts or not. “What’s the point?” Kageyama eventually asked. Why did he sound so dejected?

“What if they like you back?” _Oh_ , if he could only follow his own advice.

“I doubt it,” the setter shook his head. “He’s…” he averted his gaze, a loving smile briefly crossing his face that Kageyama soon bit down. “He’s too good for me.”

Shouyou had never envied anyone more than whoever it was that made him smile like that. “He’d be stupid not to feel the same way about you,” he blurted out. He needed his brain-to-mouth filter to start working as soon as possible. Really though, how could anyone not like him? He knew Kageyama wasn’t perfect. He was short-tempered, awkward, quick to complain, too much of a perfectionist. But he was also smart, passionate, thoughtful, kind. You just had to peek past his walls to see it. He wanted to tear down those walls so everyone could see him for what he really was. He wanted to keep them up so no one could, to have Kageyama all for himself.

Shouyou needed to get out of there _soon_ , before he said something stupid and made things awkward. His salvation came in the form of a text message.

 **Kenma [17:57]:** shouyou istg get back here or ill end you

He’d rather face Kenma’s wrath than Kageyama trying to read him, so he mumbled a weak excuse and outside he went, ignoring the ‘ _oi, dumbass_ ’ that followed his escape.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a [Twitter](https://twitter.com/xoratari) acc! I barely use it ‘cause none of my irl friends are into the same fandoms than me and it’s lonely, but hey it’s there.  
> And come talk to me about dumb boys @ Tumblr!
> 
> Please consider leaving a comment if you enjoyed this!


	9. Eye Of The Storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update! Life happened and this chapter wouldn't write itself.

The more Shouyou thought about it, the more it hurt. Ever since realizing he had a crush on Kageyama, he’d known it wasn’t mutual. And he was okay with that. Kinda. But then he made the mistake of prying. He made the mistake of confirming it really wasn't mutual. And it would never be, because Kageyama already liked someone else.

It’s not that he thought he had a chance. He only had _hope_. Now? Not so much. Not at all. He’d survived an unrequited crush before, though. He could do it again. But why did it feel so different from when he liked Daichi? Was it because it had been purely platonic? What about Kenma, then? Was it because they’d never really been in love with each other? But he wasn’t _in love_ with Kageyama. He liked him. A lot. But love? What did love feel like, anyway?

He knew running away wasn’t the way to deal with his feelings, but he couldn’t face Kageyama now. Maybe choosing to go back to a pissed Kenma hadn’t been a good idea, either.

“If you two are done flirting, can we leave? Keiji’s waiting for us and I’m—” Kenma stopped mid-phrase, looking up from his phone to Shouyou and then Kageyama. Pain was clear in Shouyou’s face. Confusion, in Kageyama’s, worriedly walking right behind him.

“We’re not flirting,” Kageyama objected on a dry tone. His expression was back to his usual scowl, but the tips of his ears were decidedly pink. Kuroo snorted at the sight and Kenma smacked his shoulder to shut him up. He glared at them, which only made Kuroo’s smirk grow and the color in Kageyama’s face go redder.

Shouyou’s gaze flickered between them, failing to understand what was going on. All he could feel was his stomach churning. Why did Kageyama sound so pissed? Was the idea of them flirting with each other so disgusting? And why did he keep looking at Kuroo?

“I can’t join you today, I have… stuff,” Kageyama said, getting his backpack from behind the counter where Kenma was still sitting. _Stuff_. That didn’t sound like a terrible excuse at all.

“I’ll be off too, see ya tomorrow,” Kuroo waved. Kenma squinted at them, but didn’t say anything.

“See you,” Shouyou mumbled, watching them leave. Through the shop window he could see Kuroo was saying something to Kageyama that made him trip on his feet and blush again before they parted ways.

As much as he tried not to think much of it, it was all he could do for the rest of the evening, and during their usual dinner meetup. This time it was Shouyou’s turn to choose and he’d dragged them to a burger joint a few blocks from Arcadia. He usually chose the same place, it was a small store, packed with people talking over the sound of video game soundtracks. They sat near the back, next to the arcade machines Kenma had been playing on while they waited for their orders. The couches they were sitting in had seen better days, but it was comfortable enough. Or it would have been, if he hadn’t felt Akaashi and Kenma’s gazes fixed on him for the past hour. Getting lost inside his own head was easy when he was with them, neither of them talked too much. But they were too observant, and quick to realize something was up.

His burger was cold already, only half-eaten. He didn’t feel hungry. It had been hard enough to force himself to eat that much. He kept hearing Kageyama admitting he liked _someone_ , kept seeing that shy smile, that blush when he practically ran away. Something hit his face, pulling him back from his thoughts. He looked up from the fry that had been thrown at him, frowning.

“What’s wrong, Shouyou?” Kenma asked, Akaashi taking away his leftovers so he couldn’t throw any more food.

Shouyou bit his bottom lip. Should he voice his thoughts? It was stupid. He was reading too much into things. Kenma lightly kicked him under the table to urge him to talk. “Do you think he has a crush on Kuroo?” Shouyou asked, moving his legs to a side so he couldn't kick him again.

“Who could possibly have a crush on Kuro?” Kenma arched an eyebrow, like the sole idea was inconceivable.

“You’re in love with Kuroo-san, Kenma,” Akaashi noted. Shouyou would have laughed if he didn’t feel so miserable.

“That’s… different.” Kenma tried to hide his blush behind his apple juice, taking a few sips before continuing. “I spent so much time with him I can see past his nonsense.”

“He’s not that bad, when he’s not acting all cocky,” Shouyou conceded. “And he’s not… bad looking,” he didn’t think Kenma would appreciate him calling Kuroo _attractive_.

“Tobio doesn’t have a crush on Kuro,” Kenma insisted.

“Why are you so sure he doesn’t?”

Kenma groaned. “Why are you so sure he does?” He sounded exasperated.

“I don’t know, I just…” Shouyou shrugged. “He gets flustered when he’s around, and he acts… Weird?”

“He’s always weird,” Kenma deadpanned.

Shouyou kicked him under the table, but Kenma was unfazed.

“First, that was my leg,” Akaashi said. Shouyou mumbled a ‘ _sorry_ ’ and Kenma smirked. “And second, that doesn’t mean he has a crush on him. I think it’s just because Kuroo-san doesn’t know when to stop teasing and Kageyama-kun gets uncomfortable easily.”

“Kuro has a master in getting under everyone else’s skin,” Kenma chimed in. “I bet he could even make Suga blush if he really tried.”

"Suga has no shame," Shouyou objected.

"My point exactly," Kenma replied, resting his folded arms on the edge of the table and leaning forward. "Tobio gets flustered around you, too. Do you think he has a crush on you?"

Shouyou couldn't help but laugh. "Yeah, sure," he said.

Kenma ran a hand through his face, the tips of his fingers buried on his hair. "Why not?"

"Why would he have a crush on me?"

"Why not?" Akaashi echoed.

"He doesn't."

Akaashi and Kenma shared _a look_. “Tobio doesn’t have a crush on Kuro,” said Kenma.

“Why does it sound like you know who he has a crush on?” Shouyou frowned. Another _look_. “You both know.”

“Shouyou, how can you be so dense? He—” the table wobbled and Kenma frowned at Akaashi, who was pretending to be interested on the empty wall across the room. Kenma sighed. “You’re overthinking this. You should just talk to him. You said you would.”

“Maybe I shouldn’t, since he doesn’t seem to trust me that much,” Shouyou huffed, heart sinking. He thought they were close. Why did everyone else seem to know more about Kageyama than him? Had he caught up on his feelings and didn’t know how to politely reject him, so he was just trying to distance himself? Should he force the mask back on, hold back so Kageyama would feel comfortable around him again?

✦

‘ _He’d be stupid not to feel the same way about you_ ’. That single phrase had been going round and round Tobio’s mind all night. It drove him into a spiral of confusion. It gave him some sort of hope. Because if he honestly thought that, then it meant even _Hinata_ could come to like him, right? But then, what did the weird expression on his face mean? He looked… bothered? Disappointed? He’d left without a word and didn’t even react to Kenma’s teasing. Tobio was quick to dismiss his question, hoping to avoid the embarrassment, but that only made Hinata act weirder.

Tobio couldn’t stand there any longer, Kuroo’s ever present smirk putting him on edge and now Hinata avoiding his gaze. He could feel him staring, but every time he tried to meet his eyes, Hinata would redirect them to Kuroo.

Tobio had to get out of there as soon as possible. He didn’t even bother trying to think of an excuse. He just needed an out. Why he thought that would be an easy feat was beyond him. He managed to get away from Kenma and Hinata’s odd scrutiny, but before he could get much further from the store, there was Kuroo, commenting on how maybe he _should_ be flirting with Hinata if he wanted to get somewhere with him.

Thankfully, that was all he said before he left, but it was enough to leave Tobio even more flustered than before. Why did Kuroo enjoy teasing him so much? He couldn’t figure that guy out. He knew from Hinata that Kenma was in love with him. It made no sense. Kenma was smart, calm and while he sometimes liked to meddle too much, his heart was in the right place. Kuroo was loud and obnoxious. What could Kenma possibly see in a guy like him? If even someone like Kuroo had someone who loved him no matter what, why couldn’t Tobio?

‘ _He’d be stupid not to feel the same way about you_ ’. Well, he’d always said Hinata was a dumbass.

 

  
The next few days were torture. Tobio didn't take it personal at first. He thought Hinata was having an off day so he just gave him space as usual. But he usually came to him once he felt better. Now he wouldn't talk to him unless Tobio addressed him first. And even when he did, it was different. Distant. Colder. Had he done something wrong? Had he realized Tobio's feelings for him and was disgusted by the idea of being with him? But if he was so disgusted by it, what about his words back at the storage room?

As scared as he’d been of Hinata finding out and ruining their friendship as a result, he never thought he really would shut him out. It didn’t sound like Hinata at all. Yet that was exactly what was happening. Every time he tried approaching him, he could see the mask settling back on his face. The smile that didn’t reach his eyes. The forced laugh. The voice an octave higher.

He felt miserable, not wanting to lose his friendship. He would have been content if their relationship never got past that. Hinata was the first person who made him feel comfortable in spite of his awkwardness. Who surrounded him with his own friends, welcoming Tobio into their group as if he'd always been one of them. They made him feel like he belonged. He couldn't lose that. He couldn't lose Hinata.

  
A week passed and Hinata kept building an invisible wall between them. Tobio couldn’t let it happen, not when Hinata had been the one to tear down his own walls. They had received a load of merchandising for a new game that needed to be organized before it launched. Hinata had offered to do so, always eager to hide away in the privacy of the back room. But Tobio had had enough already, and after a quick glance to Kenma —who nodded wordlessly—, he followed him.

He closed the door behind him and Hinata jumped in surprise from where he was sitting on the floor between boxes. "I got this, you should help Kenma before he snaps at a client and gets us all fired,” Hinata said.

Kageyama hesitated, a hand still on the door handle. He’d been determined to ask Hinata why he was avoiding him, but now that he was in front of him all of his courage was gone.

“What is it?” Hinata glanced up at him for a second before moving to grab a utility knife he’d dropped on the floor. “You’re making me nervous.”

He wasn’t sure how to ask what he wanted to know, so he went straight to the point. “Are we good?”

“What?” Hinata frowned, stopping what he was doing. “Yes, of course we’re good,” he replied going back to the box he was opening and going through the smaller packages inside. He didn’t seem so sure. “Why wouldn’t we?”

“I don’t know, you’ve been… I don’t know.” Tobio bit his lip, hoping he would just look at him. “We’re friends, right?”

Hinata laughed through his nose. “Yeah, we’re friends,” he said, not meeting his eyes. “Friends,” he repeated. Why did he sound disappointed?

What was that supposed to mean? Were they beyond fixing already? “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable,” Tobio muttered. He felt defeated, ready to run home and hide there for the rest of the week.

That finally prompted Hinata to look at him. “What are you talking about?” He seemed honestly confused.

“With my…” his voice died before he could say ‘ _feelings_ ’. “Why are you avoiding me?”

Hinata got on his feet, taking with him a bundle of shirts he had just grabbed from a box. “I thought _I_ was making you uncomfortable,” he said after leaving them on the closest shelf, and turned to him again.

"You're not," Tobio was quick to reply, following his every movement with his eyes.

"Oh," Hinata murmured. His lips quirked up in a _barely there_ smile, but it was enough for Tobio to feel like he could breathe again.

"I'll, uh, help Kenma," Tobio and moved to face the door, not sure what to say now that they'd cleared the air. Sort of.

"Wait," Hinata spoke before he could get out.

Tobio stopped, turning to him. "Yes?"

"Can we...?" Hinata took a step closer, shy. "Can we practice volleyball again this Sunday maybe? You still haven't taught me how to spike."

"I have a practice match on Sunday," Tobio replied.

"Oh," Hinata said again, but it didn’t sound as relieved this time. His shoulders slumped down and Tobio guilty for being the one to cause it.

"You can come watch, if you want," he offered. He actually liked the idea of playing knowing Hinata would be up there, cheering for him. Even if it meant he’d have to deal with Oikawa’s teasing afterwards.

A smile grew on Hinata’s face again. "I'd like that," he nodded, followed by another step closer.

 _Something_ changed in the atmosphere of the room. His fingers itched, his head was swimming. Hinata was still looking right into his eyes, not saying anything. ‘ _He’d be stupid not to feel the same way about you_ ’, Tobio’s brain repeated for the nth time that week.

“Hinata, I…” he licked his lips. Was he really going to do this? Minutes ago he’d been paranoid Hinata didn’t want him around anymore, and now he was going to confess? His heart was beating so fast he was sure Hinata could hear him from where he was standing, wide eyed. “I—”

Someone yanked the door open. “Shouyou, Suga’s asking for you,” Kenma said, sounding agitated.

“Can you ask him to wait?” Hinata asked, eyes fixated on Tobio’s, his voice barely a breath.

“He said it’s urgent.” Kenma shook his head. “Something about your mother.”

All color seemed to be drained from Hinata’s face as he rushed outside without looking back, leaving only a mumbled apology behind.

  
Hinata didn’t show up at his match that weekend. All Tobio got was a short text saying something had came up and too many happy emojis congratulating him on winning. He didn’t get a reply after asking if he was okay. _No reply is better than a lie_ , he told himself.

He didn’t show up for work either on Monday. All Kenma knew was that Hinata had to take care of _something_ and would be back in a few days.

A few days turned into an entire week, and when Hinata returned, he refused to go into details on what had happened. He seemed to be okay on the outside, but both Kenma and Tobio knew him well enough to see something was wrong. They silently agreed to let him be, it wasn’t the first time that Hinata went through a rough patch and they knew he sometimes just needed space.

It seemed to help, in time Hinata went back to his usual self. But at the start of every month he’d withdraw into his shell. He’d get fidgety and ask for days off, ignoring any attempt of contact from his friends. After getting back, he’d act like nothing was wrong, taking a few more days to get back to his usual self. Every time it happened he came back looking worse, and it took him longer to recover.

They talked, and it seemed like before at first glance. But not really. They never discussed anything serious, only work and pointless stuff from some video game Hinata had been playing. Volleyball wasn’t mentioned again, and his almost confession even less.

By the third month he was nothing but a ghost of himself. Neither Tobio or Kenma had seen him so bad before, not even on his worst days. They were done pretending not to notice. But they didn’t know how, when Hinata refused to let them in into whatever was going on. No matter how they asked, who asked. He never said anything except ‘ _There’s nothing to worry about, I just had to take care of something_ ’.

  
✧

Tobio was getting ready to leave for practice when he heard a knock on his door. He ignored it, not used to receiving unannounced guests. Someone had probably gotten the wrong door. But then they knocked again. There was an insult ready at the tip of his tongue when he opened the door, but it died before he could voice it.

“Hinata?”

The boy looked devastated, like he was barely holding himself together by a thread. His hair was messier than usual, eyes glossy and rimmed red.

“Kenma’s not at his place,” he explained and his voice sounded as broken as he seemed. “I didn’t know where else to go. I can’t go home like this.”

“It’s okay, dumbass,” Tobio moved out of the way so he could get inside. His stomach dropped with worry, regretting not pushing him more to talk before he got to this state.

Hinata walked in, mumbling a soft _thanks_. He took his shoes off and pushed them aside with his foot, and just stood there, staring at the floor.

“What’s wrong?” Tobio asked, placing a hand on Hinata’s elbow to gently guide him to sit on his bed. His chair was covered in clothes, messy like the rest of his room. He usually was more organized, but lately he’d been too distracted to care about it.

Following his direction, Hinata sat on the edge of the mattress, leaning forward to hide his face behind his hands. He sniffled a few times, and Tobio felt his heart breaking. He sent a quick text to one of his teammates. His coach wouldn’t be happy, but he didn’t care. He wouldn’t lose his place on the team nor his scholarship over this, it was the first time he skipped practice. Even if it caused him trouble, there was no way he’d leave Hinata alone in this state.

A sob brought his focus back to Hinata. “What happened?” Tobio asked, but no reply came. “Is it your mother?” He tried to guess. The odd behavior had started right after Suga appeared months ago with news about her. Tobio never found out what they were, though. He didn’t get to find out if Hinata was aware he had been about to confess back then, either.

“I don’t get it,” Hinata started talking after a few minutes. His voice sounded muffled behind his hands. “Why did she have to show up again? I thought… I thought I was done with her.”

“What happened?” Tobio repeated, wishing he was better at this. This wasn’t the first time he saw Hinata in his state, but it didn’t make it easier. It only made it harder.

“I can’t keep doing this,” Hinata sobbed, pressing his palms against his eyelids. “She made our life hell, I can’t let her hurt Natsu again.”

“No one’s going to hurt Natsu,” Tobio assured him. He knelt in front of him, trying to get a better look on his face. They were almost the same height in this position. “What happened? What does she want?”

Hinata rubbed his eyes, fruitlessly. The tears just wouldn’t stop falling. Tobio placed a hand on Hinata’s knee, just to remind him he was there, and waited. He didn’t want to push him to talk, he knew he’d do so eventually. Why else would he have come looking for him?

“She says I have to pay her back for everything she gave us,” Hinata eventually said, after scrubbing his runny nose with the sleeve of his hoodie. “She keeps coming every month, saying she’ll take Natsu with her if I don’t,” his voice broke mid-phrase. “But every time she comes she asks for more.”

“You don’t owe her anything,” Tobio frowned. He didn’t need to meet the woman to know how much she had hurt her kids. Hinata had told him enough.

“What if she’s right? What if I really was such a terrible son that I owe her for putting up with me for so many years?”

“That’s…” Tobio was at a loss for words. “That’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever said,” _oh_ how he wished he could express his thoughts better.

Hinata laughed between sobs, leaning to rest his forehead against Tobio’s shoulder. “Is it, though? She didn’t even care when we left, she knew where we were going and she never tried talking to us,” he said. “What’s so wrong with us that she couldn’t love us?”

“There’s nothing wrong with you,” Tobio felt outraged. He hated that Hinata had to feel that way because of his own mother. He lifted up a hand to run it through orange hair, the other finding the small of Hinata’s back. “I don’t know what her problem is. What I _do_ know is this: You’re an annoying dumbass and you drive me insane when you don’t shut up—”

“I thought you were trying to cheer me up,” Hinata protested, trying to lift up his head, but Tobio kept him in place. He wouldn’t be able to finish his thoughts if he looked at him.

“I am, dumbass! What did I just say? Shut up and let me finish.” Hinata nodded silently, wet cheeks against the skin of Tobio’s neck. “You’re also one of the kindest people I’ve ever met, you put up with my arrogant ass, you took care of your sister, you’re the first to take action when someone’s having an off day.” He felt Hinata gulp down another sob. “You deserve to only be surrounded by people who love you. All she ever did was take, and all she ever give you in exchange was pain. She doesn’t have any right to ask anything of you.”

Hinata seemed to consider his words for a moment before replying. “But she’s… She’s our _mom_ ,” he broke down in tears again.

“Blood doesn’t mean anything,” Tobio said. He knew that all too well. “The people who love you is your family. Natsu, Suga and Daichi… Kenma, Akaashi, _me_.”

Hinata cried louder, his hands clutching Tobio’s shoulders. “I don’t deserve any of you. All I do is lie. You’ve all been dead worried about me and all I did was push you away.”

“It’s not up to you to decide whether you deserve it or not.” He moved the hand on Hinata’s back to wrap an arm around his waist, hugging him closer.

“But I’m even lying to my own sister. Natsu keeps asking me what’s wrong and I can’t…” Hinata tightened his grip on the fabric of Tobio’s shirt. “I’m terrified she’ll go with her just to help me. I can’t lose her.”

“You’re not losing her,” Tobio said, but Hinata shook his head.

“The worst part is I _know_ she doesn’t really want her. She’s just using her to get what she wants. But what if she takes her just to spite me?”

“She won’t. We won’t let her get anywhere close to Natsu. Or you.”

“But Natsu’s still a minor,” Shouyou noted. “I can’t stop her if she tries.”

“I can… I can call my father, he’s dealt with family law before,” Tobio offered. He wasn’t looking forward to reaching out to his parents, but he was willing to do anything for the boy trembling in his arms.

Hinata pulled back, sitting straighter to meet his eyes. His face was a mess, eyes puffy, lips trembling. All Tobio wanted to do was protect him so no one could ever hurt him again. “You haven’t talked to your father in like a year,” he frowned.

“So what?”

“They’d never agree to help me, Bakageyama,” Hinata retorted, the tiniest sad smile on his face. “Even if they did, I don’t want you to owe them anything because of me,” he averted his gaze, sniffling again.

“I don’t care,” he cupped Hinata’s face to force him to look at him again. How could there be so much pain in someone’s eyes? It wasn’t fair, not when this boy had been doing everything in his reach to make sure every single one of his friends felt loved and cared for. “Just let me help you.”

“No.” Hinata let go of his shirt but didn’t remove his hands, resting them at the base of Tobio’s neckline. “They’ll take you away from me.”

“There’s nothing they can do that would drive me away from you.”

“Promise?” Hinata asked in a whisper.

“Promise,” Tobio whispered back.

They looked at each other for who knows how long, until Hinata's breathing evened out and he stopped sobbing. Tobio would never know why he did what he did next. He moved closer, between Hinata’s knees, and pressed his lips right on the corner of his left eye, and then his right, kissing away his tears. When their eyes locked again, Hinata’s were wide in surprise, and his face was red. They were both holding their breath. Before his brain could catch up with his actions, Tobio was leaning forward again. He stopped when Hinata parted his lips and Tobio realized what he’d been about to do. It wasn’t the moment for something like this. He couldn’t just push his feelings on him.

“I’m sorry, I—” he tried to apologize and pull back, letting his hands fall to his sides.

Hinata stopped him before he could get away, tugging him from the collar of his shirt and meeting him halfway.

He never thought his first kiss would taste like snot and tears. He had daydreamed of kissing Hinata before, but neither of them were crying when he pictured it. He hadn’t even cared about kissing until he met him, and ever since that idea first crawled into his heart, there hadn’t been a day where he didn’t think about it. And now it was happening, but his body couldn’t move. What if he was dreaming again? What if it was just some sort of misunderstanding? Maybe Hinata was just acting on instinct, trying to get distracted from everything else. Or he just needed some comfort. But ‘ _he’d be stupid not to feel the same way about you_ ’.

He felt him loosen the grip on his shoulders. Hinata was pulling back and Tobio finally reacted, hands finding his cheeks again to stop him from getting away. He tilted his head and Hinata sighed against his lips. It was a short, clumsy kiss, too much teeth, a trailing tear finding its way between their lips. He felt guilty, he shouldn’t be enjoying it so much, but then Hinata smiled into the kiss and it made the worry disappear. And he kept smiling when they parted for air, softly bumping their foreheads together.

“I still don’t want to involve your parents.”

“But I want to help you.”

“You’re already helping me, Bakageyama,” Hinata said, wrapping his arms around Tobio’s neck. “Maybe… Maybe Suga and Daichi can help me figure something out. Just… Stay with me?”

“You don’t need to ask, dumbass,” Tobio replied. He would move Heaven and Earth for him, if he had to. Staying by his side wasn’t too much to ask.

  


✦

 

Shouyou wasn’t sure how much more his poor heart could handle. One moment he’d been ready to give up, his world crumbling down. The next he felt confident, hopeful, out of nowhere. Not out of nowhere. Kageyama, picking up the pieces and putting them back together was the source of this new found confidence that maybe, just maybe, everything would be alright. They’d figure something out.

When no one answered at Kenma’s place, his feet started moving on his own. He didn’t have a path in mind, he just needed to hide somewhere. He couldn’t let Natsu see him like this, right after meeting with his mother. He wasn’t surprised when he found himself in front of Kageyama’s door. What _did_ surprise him was how he ended up kissing him. He kissed Kageyama. Kageyama kissed _him_.

It was dumb, feeling the need to laugh in the middle of his desolation. But he couldn’t stop the giggle bubbling up his throat, hiding his face against Kageyama’s shoulder. “ _Thanks_ ,” he mumbled. Kageyama didn’t reply, only hugged him tighter. That was exactly what he needed.

After a while, Kageyama sent him to the bathroom to wash his face while he changed into a clean, snotless shirt. Shouyou heard a phone ringing while he was there, but it didn’t sound like his. It seemed to have interrupted Kageyama in the middle of changing clothes, because when Shouyou went back outside he was greeted by the sight of his naked torso. He didn’t seem to have noticed him, arguing with someone over the phone and scowling at the wall. Shouyou had to force himself to look away from the muscles on his back, and focused instead on the new additions on the shelf by the bed. Some of the Polaroids they’d forced him to take during Christmas had found their way there. Some more were over the desk, where Shouyou walked after getting sidetracked again by the need to run his fingers along the line of Kageyama’s spine. Why couldn’t he just put on a shirt?

Something caught his eye, half-hidden behind one of the pictures on the desk. He quickly glanced to make sure Kageyama wasn’t looking at him, but he was still talking, something about practice. He pulled from the corner of the picture to take it out, and warmth went all the way up to his ears. It was the same one that had been sent to his phone after their sleepover, only slightly different, taken with the Polaroid.

“Kenma took it and hid it with the rest of my stuff before I left that morning,” Kageyama said, suddenly much closer than Shouyou remembered him being.

He turned to him, and mentally thanked him for finally getting dressed so he could actually look at his face. It was adorable, seeing him frown and blush at the same time. _Kenma, you little shit_ , he thought. Why did Kenma enjoyed teasing them so much? _Them_. So that’s why Kenma had been so sure about Kageyama’s crush?

“Wait, so all this time…?” Shouyou finally understood. “I thought you liked Kuroo.”

Kageyama scoffed. “Why would you think that?”

“I don’t know…” He shrugged. “I didn’t think you’d like _me_.”

“Well, I do, you dumbass,” Kageyama replied, turning to pick his discarded shirt from the floor before hiding in the bathroom. He wasn’t fast enough to hide his flustered face, though.

 

✧

He couldn’t hide from his problems forever, and after a few hours hanging out with Kageyama he had to go back home. But he’d made up his mind to come clean and talk with Suga and Daichi. He wouldn’t be able to solve everything on his own, and Kageyama had helped him remember he wasn’t alone on this.

They were waiting for him when he arrived, as he asked them through text beforehand. He sat between them on the couch, their arms touching. He needed the contact, feeling their presence next to him, if he was going to talk about this again. They looked worried, but didn’t stop him when he started talking. When Suga first warned him about his mother being around, all he knew was that he’d seen her waiting outside Natsu’s school, but she had left as soon as he confronted her. Shouyou filled them in, telling them everything that had happened since then. They looked upset, but not surprised.

“We figured something like that was going on,” Daichi said when Shouyou mentioned it. “You’re not as subtle as you think.”

“Do you really think we wouldn’t notice how you started acting odd, right after that woman showed up?” Suga asked, hugging around his shoulders with one arm.

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“It wasn’t our place to pry if you weren’t ready to talk about it, yet. Tobio and Kenma told us you’ve been avoiding his questions, too.”

Of course Kageyama and Kenma would go to them for help. He felt guilty about hiding this from his friends for so long. He should have known they’d be nothing but supportive, as they had always been.

“And we were waiting to have this ready.” Daichi reached toward his coffee table, grabbing a black folder and offering it to a confused Shouyou. Inside were a ton of legal papers, birth certificates from him and his sister, and testimonies from people whose names sounded familiar but he couldn’t really place.

“We’ve been consulting a lawyer,” Suga started explaining. “You’re old enough to have legal guardianship of Natsu. We have most of the documents ready and got statements from your old school teachers and neighbors to back you up. You just need to finish the process, whenever you want.”

Shouyou didn’t know what to say. He’d been suffering in silence when the solution was right there, if only he’d talked to them sooner. He was overwhelmed by the news, by the amount of love he felt for these two men, always giving without expecting something in return. “I… I don’t know how to thank you.” He thought he’d ran out of tears at Kageyama’s, but his eyes were getting wet again. “For this, and for everything you’ve done for me. For us.”

“You don’t have to,” Suga squeezed him tighter. “That’s what family does.”

“How do I tell Natsu? I feel like I’m… Betraying her by not telling her sooner, but I didn’t… I didn’t want Natsu to have her heart broken again by her own mother,” he cried, Daichi rubbing circles on his back. “She’s going to hate me for hiding this from her.”

“You should give your sister more credit, you know?” Daichi smiled at something to their side. _Someone_. When Shouyou turned his head to follow Daichi’s gaze, there was Natsu, hugging her teddy bear with tears rolling down her cheeks.

He got up and ran to hug her, arms wrapping around his waist and a bear pressed against his back in return. “I’m so sorry,” he repeated over and over again, and she only shook her head. “I was just trying to protect you. I couldn’t risk losing you.”

“You’re stuck with me, dumbass,” she replied and they both laughed at the word.

“You’ve been spending too much time with Kageyama,” Shouyou said, letting go of the embrace to look at her and wipe away her tears with his sleeve.

“And you should start doing the same,” she retorted, a cheeky grin gracing her features.

“I think I will, from now on.” He blushed furiously, averting his gaze only to find Suga and Daichi looking at him with raised eyebrows in surprise.

Natsu blinked at him a few times until she seemed to understand what he meant by that. “Are you… Are you _together_ , now?”

“We didn’t really talk about it,” Shouyou reluctantly admitted. Maybe he should have asked before leaving his place, but he’d been to shy to bring up the subject. And Kageyama seemed to be about to combust, he didn’t want him to die just yet. “I think so?”

Natsu _squealed_ , delighted, and threw herself back into his arms, knocking the air out of his lungs. He would’ve complained about going deaf, but he was too happy to care. Suga and Daichi were quick to join them for a group hug, and Shouyou wondered how he could ever though they’d be mad at him. Kageyama was right. This was his family, and nothing, no one, would ever break them apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who else is excited about the upcoming season??
> 
> Find me at [Tumblr](https://allmycharactersaregay.tumblr.com/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/xoratari/) !


	10. Far From Perfect

As every Wednesday, Tobio was sitting between Oikawa and Iwaizumi at the bar of their usual ramen shop. It was the only day of the week when he didn’t have classes, only team practice, so they’d meet up for a quick lunch, catch up, and then he’d go to Arcadia for the afternoon shift. It was usually Oikawa who happily carried most of the conversation, except when they talked about their respective volleyball teams.

Tobio had no idea what they were talking about today, though. His mind was back at his dorm room, last week. He could still feel the ghost of Hinata’s lips against his when he thought about him. ‘ _Just stay with me_ ’, Hinata had asked then. Tobio didn’t need to think it twice before agreeing, he had long known he’d say yes to anything Hinata asked of him. But what did he mean by that? What did it mean for _them_? Were they something more than friends, now?

“So…,” a hand waving at his face pulled him back to reality. “How are you and Chibi-chan doing?”

Tobio failed to keep the color from spreading through his face. “Who told you?” He frowned, eyes flickering to Iwaizumi.

“I didn’t say anything,” Iwaizumi shrugged in response.

“Iwa-chan, do you know something I don’t?” Oikawa leaned forward to look past Tobio and glare at his husband. “Who told me _what_?”

Oh, Tobio realized. Oikawa was asking out of habit, because he always did, and he’d fallen right into it. He let out an embarrassed groan, burying his face in his hands, elbows on the table.

“Who told me what?” Oikawa insisted, poking his shoulder. “Did you finally confess?”

“Sort of…” Tobio could feel the warmth reaching all the way up to the tips of his ears. He was probably red by now.

“What do you mean _sort of_?” Oikawa sounded exasperated, like he couldn’t believe he hadn’t been the first one to hear everything about the event. It wasn’t that Tobio didn’t want to tell him, he just wasn’t ready yet. He knew Oikawa would make a big deal about it.

“We didn’t really… talk about it,” he admitted from between his fingers, unable to look at him. “We just… We only…” He trailed off. He couldn’t say it. Not when he could feel Oikawa’s eyes fixed on him.

“Leave him alone Shittykawa,” he heard Iwaizumi say. He would have been more grateful if he didn’t know it was pointless. Not even Iwaizumi could stop Oikawa when he really wanted to know something.

“Let me guess, then,” Oikawa ignored his husband. “If you didn’t talk about it, but something happened…,” he didn’t need to look at him to see the teasing smile curving his lips. “Did you kiss him, Tobio-chan?” He asked, now poking his cheek.

Tobio flinched at the touch and his elbow missed the table when he tried to resettle on his position, almost banging his face on its border. Oikawa gasped in surprise. Well, if he hadn’t been obvious until then, he was now. Tobio mumbled a curse, doing his best to avoid Oikawa’s gaze, but it was hard when the man grabbed his shoulder and forced him to face him.

“You _kissed_ him?” Oikawa screeched, making a few curious heads turn their way. “When? How? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Probably because he knew you’d react exactly like this,” Iwaizumi noted, scowling at the people still staring at them until they went back to minding their own business.

“Mean, Iwa-chan!” Oikawa whined, but his pout didn’t last long, soon redirecting his attention towards Tobio. “Now, now, tell me everything, Tobio-chan,” he demanded, throwing an arm around his shoulders to stop him from escaping.

“There’s nothing to tell,” Tobio sighed. He frowned at his cold bowl of ramen, knowing there was no avoiding this conversation.

“But you’re dating!” Oikawa insisted. “That’s great! How can you not want to talk about it?”

Tobio didn’t know what to reply to that, so he did the next best thing. He shrugged, looking sideways and pretending to be interested in the menu hanging on the wall.

“Why don’t you look happy?” Oikawa’s smile disappeared, replaced with a concerned tilt of his lips. He sent Iwaizumi a questioning look, but he only shook his head. Oikawa knew what that meant: it wasn’t his place to say.

“We’re not… We didn’t talk about it,” Tobio repeated, unaware of the silent conversation between the two men.

Oikawa let go of his shoulders and eyed him, carefully thinking over his next words. “But you want to date him,” he guessed, lowering his voice, all teasing gone from his tone.

Tobio pursed his lips, no point in denying his words. Of course he wanted to date him. He’d been thinking it over and over again during the past week and there was no scenario where he didn’t want to date Hinata. He heard Iwaizumi shifting in his seat next to him, probably about to scold his husband again, and Tobio rushed to speak before he had a chance to do so. Oikawa wasn’t so bad to talk to once he dropped the mocking act. “I don’t know how to,” he admitted, looking back at him.

Oikawa smiled, and it wasn’t the usual fake grin. “Well, a good first step to dating is inviting him to, you know… a date,” he said, softly elbowing his side.

“We’re playing volleyball this Sunday.”

“That’s…” Oikawa bit down his lip, like he was trying really hard to keep his smile from growing. “That’s not a date, Tobio-chan.”

Tobio frowned, but Iwaizumi spoke before he could say anything. “Hinata’s been saying how much he wants to learn how to spike for months, but something always comes up,” he argued. “What’s wrong with that?”

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you’re father and son,” Oikawa sighed, but he couldn’t hide the endearment from his voice. Tobio didn’t really find a problem with that. From the smug smile on his face, neither did Iwaizumi. “I’m not saying that’s a bad idea,” Oikawa continued once he realized they wouldn’t change their minds. “But maybe you could do something more romantic to sweep him off his feet?”

Tobio and Iwaizumi exchanged glances, but the latter only shrugged. He figured it wouldn’t be possible to get him to talk about romantic gestures, although he knew he was no stranger to them. Oikawa constantly gushed every time Iwaizumi did anything even remotely sentimental.

“You both would be hopeless without me,” Oikawa faked a resigned sigh, pressing the back of his hand against his forehead. “I guess I can tell you everything about how I got Iwa-chan to date me.”

Iwaizumi snorted into his drink. “I don’t think that story’s appropriate, Shittykawa.”

“Hmm, I guess not,” he hummed in agreement, and then proceeded to tell anyway the PG version of how they finally got together after years of dancing around their feelings. It wasn’t the first time Tobio heard this story, and he knew it wouldn’t be the last, but he let him ramble as much as he wanted. At least it had taken the focus of the conversation away from him.

✧

He went back to the shop after a short while, mulling over Oikawa’s words. Maybe he had a point, maybe he should make it clear that he was trying to ask him out for something more than just friendship. Not that he didn’t want his friendship. Hinata was probably his best friend, which was a crazy concept all on its own. A while back, he didn’t even think he was capable of making friends, and now he had a _best_ friend? Still, for the first time in his life he was allowing himself to want _more_.

Kenma was in the same position than when Tobio left for his break, hunched over his Switch. A new game had come out the day before. Tobio wondered if he’d gotten any sleep at all since then. Probably not, given the amount of times he’d yawned since he arrived that morning. He usually worked only a half shift, like Tobio and Hinata, but Akaashi had chosen the worst day ever to get sick and need a replacement, according to Kenma.

Tobio approached him, sitting at his side behind the counter. Would Kenma help him with his confusion? Would it be weird asking him where to take his ex boyfriend on a date? Of course it would be weird. He side eyed him, failing to find a way to voice his thoughts that didn’t sound as dumb as he felt.

“Are you going to say something or you’ll just keep fidgeting until one of us has a mental breakdown?” Kenma asked, eyes following his character on his screen.

“What did you and Hinata do when you were, you know… Together?”

Kenma paused his game, slightly turning towards Tobio. He didn’t say anything, only raised his eyebrows at him.

Tobio blinked, repeating the question in his head. It might have sounded odd, so he tried a different approach. “Oikawa said teaching him volleyball doesn’t count.”

“Doesn’t count?” Kenma echoed. “You mean… As a date?”

“Y-yeah,” Tobio blushed under his scrutinizing gaze.

Kenma unpaused his game, but Tobio knew it was just part of his thought process and didn’t push for an answer. He knew it would come, eventually. “He never went to an amusement park,” Kenma said minutes later. “He always wanted to visit one, but never managed to drag me along.”

 _Amusement park, huh?_ Tobio had never been to one himself. He’d have to do some research online, but it didn’t seem like a bad idea. If anything, it sounded way better than the candle-lit dinner Oikawa had suggested. Lame.

“I know I don’t need to tell you this, but I’ll do it anyway,” Kenma spoke again, and his expression was more serious than he’d even seen, his Switch resting upside down on the table. Tobio nodded when their eyes met, prompting him to go on. “Life isn’t easy for Shouyou, and there will be ups and downs. His ups can be loud and exciting, but his downs are deep. What you saw these past few months is nothing.” Kenma took a deep breath before continuing. “If you truly want to be with him, then you have to accept all sides of him.”

“I know,” Tobio replied immediately. He’d seen the scars on Hinata’s arms, he was well aware of how dark his thoughts could get. It didn’t scare him, though. If anything, it only made him want to try harder to be by his side, to let him know he wasn’t alone. He’d never be alone again, if he could help it.

Kenma just stared at him, trying to read the truth in his eyes. Tobio let him. He didn’t have anything to hide. “Good,” Kenma finally said once he was satisfied with whatever he found.

Tobio’s phone buzzed, breaking the sudden tension in the room, and Kenma refocused on his game. Tobio unlocked his screen to open the message he just received from Hinata. It was an apology for being late for his shift, saying he was almost there. But what made Tobio’s smile grow was the selfie attached to it—Hinata winking and offering a peace sign to the camera, tongue poking out. He looked silly. He looked cute. Tobio saved the photo before replying ‘ _Hurry up, dumbass_ ’.

✦

Now that his most pressing worries had been somewhat solved, at least for the time being, Shouyou had time to focus on other things. Like the fact that a week had passed and Kageyama still hadn’t kissed him again. He kept thinking of their first—and so far only—kiss, hoping to do it again. Ideally without tears and snot all over his face.

He didn’t really have that much experience relationships wise, he’d only dated Kenma. And while usually Kenma hadn’t been the one to initiate physical contact, he’d never rejected Shouyou when he did. But every time Shouyou tried to get close to Kageyama, he would jump back, flustered. He wasn’t avoiding him, per se, but he wasn’t talking about it either.

Kageyama _had_ said he liked him. It might not have been the most poetic confession, but it had been enough. Did he regret it? Shouyou was afraid to ask, not wanting to seem too clingy and scaring him away. But he wanted to kiss him _so bad_. He wanted to hold him again, to take his hands, to feel him close.

Were they really _together_? He wished he’d asked that day before leaving his dorm, but he’d been so preoccupied by his upcoming talk with Suga and Daichi that it completely slipped his mind. He’d taken it for granted.

Shouyou brushed his fingers over his lips, recalling the sensation of pressing them against Kageyama’s. He closed his eyes, imagining he wasn’t sitting on the train anymore, being pushed around by people. Imagining he was back at Kageyama’s dorm, in Kageyama’s arms, surrounded by Kageyama’s scent, hearing Kageyama’s voice. He had said he would stay with him. He _had_ said he liked him.

Shouyou opened up his eyes at a sudden realization. He hadn't replied to Kageyama's confession, because the moron had ran away right after admitting it. He thought the kiss was a clear enough sign of his feelings, but what if it wasn't? What if Kageyama thought he hadn't said anything because he didn't like him back? He had to tell him _now_.

He tried to compose himself as best he could, checking his phone to keep himself from falling into panic. As expected, he had a text from Kageyama, scolding him for being late for work. Shouyou took a dumb selfie as proof he was almost there, and as soon the train arrived to the station he ran all the way to Arcadia. It was only 5 blocks, but he was reminded of his lack of regular exercise when he found himself out of breath. Or maybe it was the sight of Kageyama through the glass door, smiling down at his phone, that took the air from his lungs.

He took a deep breath, and then another. After a third, he smacked his own cheeks and opened the door with such force that it hit the wall, startling the two boys by the counter. Kenma cursed under his breath, getting off his stool to pick up his handheld from the floor. Shouyou prayed it wasn’t broken, or he would have to pay for it. That wasn’t his main concern now, though. “Kageyama!” He exclaimed, like he hadn’t made enough ruckus already to make his presence known.

“No need to yell, dumbass, we heard you,” Kageyama scowled, but the pink adorning his cheeks made him seem less menacing than he probably intended.

Shouyou exhaled, ignoring his protest, and stomped all the way until he was facing him, only the counter between them. He had been hoping Kenma would take off so he wouldn’t have to do this in front of him, but since he made no move to leave, he’d have to deal with it. Gathering the courage had been hard enough, it was now or never.

“You know I like you, right?” Shouyou asked, wishing his voice didn’t sound so weak and wobbly.

It was Kageyama’s turn to drop what he was holding, his phone smashing against the wooden furniture. No one seemed to care. Kenma was arching his eyebrow at them, Kageyama was opening and closing his mouth like a fish out of water, and Shouyou felt his heart beating its way out of his chest.

“I’ll leave you to… Yeah,” Kenma broke the silence, quickly gathering his stuff and heading to his usual hiding spot, the storage room.

Shouyou only nodded, unable to tear his gaze away from Kageyama. He bit the inside of his cheek, his resolve faltering. Had he made a mistake? Was he being too forward? He started to mumble an apology when Kageyama spoke over him.

“Would you like to go out this weekend?”

Shouyou blinked a few times, perplexed. “I thought we were going to practice?”

“On Sunday, yeah,” Kageyama scratched the side of his nose. Seeing he wasn’t the only one embarrassed brought him some much needed comfort. “But—maybe we can,” he cleared his throat, fighting to get the words out. “We could do something else on Saturday.”

“You mean like a date?”

Kageyama nodded, muttering something intelligible that sounded a lot like ‘ _dumbass_ ’.

“I’d love that,” Shouyou beamed, bouncing around the counter to sit next to Kageyama, arms pressed together. “You know,” he started, leaning against his shoulder. This was going well so far, maybe he could push just a little bit more? “I’d really like to kiss you right now,” he blurted out before he could change his mind.

Kageyama choked, pink turning red and spreading through his face like wildfire. “How can you just _say_ stuff like that?” He managed to ask between coughs, the back of his hand hiding his face. “We’re at work.”

“There’s always the storage room,” he teased. Somehow it didn’t seem appropriate to mention he and Kenma used to make out there all the time. Kageyama suspected it already, probably, he’d been around even before their relationship started.

“Kenma’s hiding there,” Kageyama argued, although he didn’t seem so opposed to the idea as before.

Shouyou was about to say he was only teasing, when a finger hooked under his chin, coaxing him to look up. Kageyama pressed the briefest of kisses against his lips, leaving him wanting for more.

“Happy now, dumbass?”

When their eyes met, Shouyou felt about to melt under his gaze. “Nope,” he giggled, and leaned in for another kiss. Kageyama rolled his eyes, but met him halfway anyway.

✧

Shouyou had made sure to be ready for his date with more than enough time to spare. He even chose his clothes the night before, knowing he wouldn’t be able to decide on an outfit early in the morning. Suga ended up coming to his rescue, settling into an outfit not too different from his usual wear, but something about the way Suga had arranged it made him feel stylish. It might be the fact that these clothes were actually well fitted, instead of one or two sizes too big for him.

Still, no matter how early he got up, had breakfast, puked out of anxiety and then had a second breakfast, he was running late. It wasn’t his fault, though. It was all because of the gremlin laughing and running next to him.

By the time they arrived at the meeting point, Kageyama was already there. He looked good, Shouyou thought, leaning against the wall on his ripped jeans and leather jacket. Even his scowl looked good, like it added to his whole aesthetic.

“You’re drooling,” a girly voice mocked him, and all her older brother managed to do in response was sticking his tongue out at her. So mature.

Kageyama looked confused when he noticed their presence. Probably because it was supposed to be _his_ presence, not _their_.

“Sorry, Yamayama,” Shouyou waved at him. “She really wanted to come and wouldn’t take no for an answer.” He loved his sister like no one else in the entire world. But it was his first date with Kageyama, did she _really_ need to join them?

“I’ve never been to one of these parks before,” she flashed him her most innocent smile, linking his arm with Kageyama’s. If he was disappointed, he didn’t show it. He didn’t even complain about him—them—being late, telling them not to worry about it and urging them to get on the train.

Almost an hour later, they were crossing the gates of the amusement park. Kageyama insisted on paying for all their tickets. The date had been his idea after all, third wheel or not.

The Hinata siblings were buzzing with excitement, all animosity between them long gone. They dragged Kageyama everywhere, from the lamest carousel to the most frightening roller coaster, always sandwiched between them. Natsu had forced them to buy matching animal eared headbands—she chose bunny ears for herself, bear ones for Shouyou and cat ears for Kageyama. The hundred pictures they forced him into showed the slow but steady progression of his embarrassed expression eventually turning into a shy but comfortable smile.

They were having fun. _Fun_. When was the last time they’d had such a good time? He felt guilty for trying to keep Natsu from joining them before. She had missed most of her childhood, the least he could do was let her have fun. He would give her the world if he could, but this would have to do for now.

He left them sitting at the café, guarding the army of stuffed animals he and Kageyama had won for her, competing to see who would get more. Kageyama won, because he looked so pleased with himself that Hinata lost the will to fight back. When he returned with their drinks, he saw from a short distance that Natsu was laughing at something, which wasn’t unusual. She had an easy laugh, despite the pain in her past. What _was_ surprising was Kageyama laughing with her. Shouyou felt an emotion he couldn’t quite name coursing through his body.

A voice inside his head told him he _did_ know its name. He just was too scared of admitting it.

✧

As soon as they made themselves comfortable on the train back home, Natsu fell asleep against Kageyama’s shoulder. Shouyou sat as close as possible on his other side, arms and legs touching. They were both exhausted after walking around so much, Kageyama insisting they could reschedule their volleyball date if he was too tired. There was no chance Shouyou would cancel again, though. Volleyball was Kageyama’s passion and Shouyou wanted nothing more than to share that with him. Well, maybe there _was_ something else he wanted even more.

He looked up to his side, only to find Kageyama was already looking back at him. He seemed relaxed, a bunch of animals gathered between his arms, his hair sticking at odd angles.

“Are we dating?” Shouyou asked in a whisper.

“Do you want to be dating?”

“I do,” Shouyou nodded, lips curving up in a fond smile. “I really, really do.”

“We are, then.” Kageyama’s blush betrayed his nonchalant expression.

“So you’re my boyfriend now?” He beamed, already knowing the answer.

“That’s what dating means, dumbass.”

Shouyou giggled and tugged from the sleeve of his jacket, prompting him to bend down, and kissed him. It was barely a brush of lips, not wanting to wake Natsu up, but it was enough to make him happy. Kissing his boyfriend was an amazing feeling, he thought, absently looking at the window in front of them. His eyes met his sister’s through the reflection on the glass, and she winked at him before going back to pretending to be asleep.

✧

It was exciting, meeting with Kageyama outside of work. Knowing that he wanted to see him, and it wasn’t just a consequence of someone paying him to be a certain place at a certain hour that happened to coincide with Shouyou’s assigned schedule. And he got to see him two days in a row? Double excitement.

He arrived at the school with time to spare, but Kageyama was already there. Shouyou beamed at the sight of his _boyfriend_ , and rushed to him. His _boyfriend_ spluttered an awkward greeting, tilting his head to a side to point in the gym’s direction. He reached for his hand, and to his mild surprise, Kageyama laced their fingers together. His _boyfriend_. Shouyou felt he’d never get tired of repeating that word in his head.

Iwaizumi was waiting for them, the net already up. He didn’t have practice that day, but by Kageyama’s request he had agreed to let them use the gym for an hour or two. Shouyou felt a bit intimidated, learning in front of an actual volleyball coach, but it wasn’t so bad. Iwaizumi was a patient man, definitely gentler than Kageyama, and he used to be a spiker on his old team, which made it even better.

He guided them through the same warm up routine they’d followed on that first practice so long ago. Shouyou couldn’t help but wonder if the other two were also recalling how it had ended, him crying, a confused Kageyama trying to calm him down, and Iwaizumi cleaning after them. He wasn’t sure if Kageyama had given him any sort of explanation, but he didn’t seem surprised when Shouyou took off his hoodie, arms covered under his compression sleeves. He didn’t ask why someone in his second volleyball practice already had sport wear that wasn’t really necessary for playing casually.

They did a quick run of the basics, after all it had been almost a year since that time. When Iwaizumi finally deemed him ready to learn how to spike, Shouyou could barely hold his excitement.

He completely missed the first spike, hitting air. And the second. And the third. He didn’t let that crumble his determination, though. Not when Iwaizumi kept pointing tips and encouraging him, and Tobio was so focused on adjusting his toss so it would be easier for him. They had lost count of how many he had missed, until he finally did it.

His hand connected with the ball, hitting it just _right_. He would never forget this sensation. The view from the top, the burn on his palm, the sound the ball made when it hit the floor. The pride in Kageyama’s face. Iwaizumi’s cheering. It wasn’t anything out of the ordinary for them. But it was for him, and that made it special for them too.

When his feet touched the floor again, his first instinct was to run and throw himself into Kageyama’s arms. But Iwaizumi was there, so he settled for holding his hands instead.

“The ball came!” He shouted excitedly, as if they hadn’t just seen him. “Do you have the hands of God?”

Kageyama stared at him in shock for a whole minute before he finally reacted. “Quit it,” he said, forcefully freeing his hands. He turned away, scowling at Iwaizumi, who was watching their exchange with an amused smile on his face.

Over time he had been starting to master the art of reading Kageyama’s different scowls. This was his embarrassed scowl. It was one of Shouyou’s favorites.

 

✧

Dating Kageyama was easier than he thought it would be. Two months into their relationship they still fought over the dumbest things, but all of their discussions ended with Kageyama kissing him to shut him up. It made it all worth it, and no one could blame Shouyou for inciting more bickering than necessary.

While Shouyou was touch starved, always trying to be close, even if it was only their shoulders pressed together, Kageyama never initiated physical contact. Shouyou knew it wasn’t that he didn’t _like_ it, it just didn’t come naturally for him. He didn’t mind, Kageyama had his own ways to make him feel cared for. Like he was doing now, holding him tightly against his chest, lying together on a futon in Kenma’s living room.

It had been another movie night, filled with bad horror films that had Bokuto screaming at the screen, frustrated at the characters for being so stupid, Akaashi trying to calm him down, Kuroo laughing at them, Kenma comparing him to a dying hyena, and Kageyama asking them all to shut up and watch the damn movie.

They were all exhausted by the time the third movie ended, and soon Kenma and Akaashi split to spend the rest of the night with their respective boyfriends at their own bedrooms. It was funny how they all had ended up paired, now that Kenma and Kuroo had finally gotten together.

This was the first time he shared a bed with Kageyama. Their Christmas sleepover didn’t really count when there were six bodies sprawled on the floor. They had set up two separate futons at first, but soon after the lights were off Shouyou was crawling all over Kageyama. They had never gone further than roaming hands and lips. That night wasn’t an exception. They exchanged slow, lazy kisses, until even that required more energy than they had left.

Shouyou was resting his head over Kageyama’s chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. It was calming in a way he’d never felt before. He’d never felt safer than wrapped between his arms. His own heart was swelling with affection, like his body couldn’t contain it anymore. It was too soon, they’d only been together for a few months, but he’d liked him for long enough before that.

“Hey, Kageyama?” He whispered, testing the waters.

“Hm?” Kageyama hummed, fingers drawing circles on his back.

“I love you.”

He felt Kageyama freeze under him, holding his breath. He could hear his heartbeat going slower first, and then pick up to a frantic pace.

“You don’t have to say it,” Shouyou said before Kageyama had time to start overthinking. “I just wanted you to know.”

Kageyama squeezed him tighter, pressing his cheek against the top of Shouyou’s head. That was enough for Shouyou to know how he felt about him, even if he couldn’t voice it. He had proven it over and over again since they got close. In the way he looked at him when he thought he wasn’t aware of his presence. In the way he made sure he ate enough at lunch. In the way he always made time for him, even when his team practices got more intense with tournament matches around the corner. In the way he held him with tenderness, like he was the most precious thing in the world.

Shouyou was on the verge of falling asleep when he heard a soft voice.

“Tobio.”

“Huh?”

“You can call me Tobio.”

Shouyou smiled, and lifted himself up just enough to press a kiss on his chest, right where his heart was. “Good night, Tobio.”

“Night, Shouyou.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There'll be two more chapters but they're going to be up later than usual, sorry about that!! I have to catch up on some real life stuff.
> 
> Find me at [Tumblr](https://allmycharactersaregay.tumblr.com/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/xoratari/) !


	11. Fight The Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is so late!! I had a ton of real life stuff to catch up on, but I'm back on track.
> 
> I said this was going to be the last chapter, but I'm easily swayed by kind comments so there will be one more after this.
> 
> There's talk about depression and mentions to self-harm, but nothing that hasn't been mentioned before in the story. Take care of yourself and never hesitate to ask for help! Writing this has been really therapeutic for me, but it was hard, mostly the first part of this chapter.
> 
> (Oh, in case you'd rather have a warning—there are some sexy times (?) on this chapter. Nothing explicit!)

For Shouyou, depression felt like standing at the seashore. On good days, his feet were steady on the sand, letting him appreciate everything around him. The warmth of the sun, the still surface of the ocean reflecting light that wasn’t his to keep. The soft breeze ruffling his hair, the low murmur of the water. Slow waves coming in and out, barely brushing his skin. Reminding him that even if he closed his eyes and covered his ears, the ocean was there, always present. He knew it was just the calm before the storm, but it gave him the time to gather his strength, to breathe, and life almost seemed manageable.

But then the waves grew stronger, faster, taller. The soft breeze would turn into a storm—loud, rough. The dark clouds looming on the horizon would start getting closer, taking the light and the warmth away. The water caught up to his knees, the tide taking the sand beneath his feet, making his steps falter. Up to his waist, making his movements slow against the force of the current. Up to his chest, making it hard to breathe under the overbearing pressure. Up to his shoulders, to his chin, up, up all the way to the top of his head and up, until he couldn’t see where _up_ was anymore. He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t move. He felt completely submerged under water, and no one ever taught him how to swim. He couldn’t ask for help—as soon as he opened his mouth, his lungs filled with liquid. He couldn’t feel anything anymore. He wasn’t just scared. He wasn’t just sad. He just _was_. An empty shell of who he was supposed to be. Who he wanted to be.

 

Over time, he had learned to recognize when a storm was coming. It wasn’t a surprise when he felt it creeping closer, that numbness that overtook all of his senses, the deafening silence. The air got so heavy he could barely get out of bed, let alone go to class or work. It took all of his energy to drag himself to the couch in the living room, where he was watching some nature documentary he couldn’t care less about.

Suga was sitting next to him, making idle conversation. He never forced him to talk, always waiting until he was ready. But he made a point of being around, available, in case Shouyou needed him. So did Daichi, but they took turns to avoid overwhelming him. They didn’t have to tell him, they’d never been good at the whole subtlety thing. They never left him alone on these days, even if he sometimes wanted them to. It wasn’t that he didn’t appreciate them worrying, but it could get exhausting. If someone asked him one more time how he was feeling, he was going to lose it. He knew they had their best intentions at heart, but he was so damn _tired_. He just wanted to be left alone, before he snapped at someone for caring too much.

So when Suga announced he was leaving, he hid his surprise and sighed in relief. Suga had been acting weird all afternoon, and Shouyou didn’t have the energy to deal with that. His shoulders relaxed as soon as he heard the front door closing, his eyes gazing over the lit screen of his phone. Even without looking at it, he knew who it was. Kageyama had been texting him all day. Shouyou had been ignoring him all day. He would just be another person asking him how he felt, another person to disappoint when he didn’t have an answer. It didn’t matter that Kageyama didn’t actually _ask_. His actions did it for him. He could see how much he was trying to help, and it made Shouyou feel guilty when it didn’t work. Hiding was better than apologizing about not being okay. Hiding was easier.

The door opened again. He heard footsteps approaching him, but no one announced their arrival. Natsu was supposed to be at school for a few more hours, and Daichi was out of town for the day.

“Did you forget something?” Shouyou asked without turning around.

“Hinata,” a voice replied. It wasn’t Suga’s.

Shouyou gulped, looking up to find Kageyama standing next to the couch. “What are you doing here?”

“Suga let me in.”

Of course he did. That’s why he had been constantly checking his phone before he left. “Why?”

“I just wanted to check on you.”

“I’m okay,” Shouyou lied.

Kageyama eyed him, but didn’t say anything. He gestured towards the empty space on the couch, silently asking for permission. Shouyou shrugged, and Kageyama took that as a yes, sitting next to him. He didn’t touch him, didn’t look at him, just sat there. Shouyou appreciated it, but at the same time hated it. He knew Kageyama felt bad about not knowing how to help him, and in return that made Shouyou feel even worse about it.

They pretended to watch TV for another hour, until Shouyou couldn’t take it anymore. “Didn’t you have practice today?”

“The coach let us go early.”

“I thought recruiters were going to your next match.”

“And?”

“Shouldn’t you be practicing extra hard?” Shouyou added one more item to the list of stuff to feel guilty about.

“I have better things to do.”

“Like what?” Shouyou sighed, turning to face him. “Wasting your time here?”

“I’m not wasting my time,” Kageyama frowned at him, like he couldn’t believe his ears.

“This match is all you and Iwaizumi have been talking about this week.”

“So?”

“So you should be focusing on practice instead of me.”

“You’re more important.”

“You can’t keep putting everything on hold because of me, Tobio.” He bit his tongue before his actual thoughts escaped. _I’m not worth it_.

“I’m not—” Kageyama tried to interrupt.

“You are,” Shouyou cut him off. “What are you gonna do when you’re on the national team and I’m like this? You’re just gonna say ‘hey I’m sorry Japan, but my boyfriend is sad’?”

“If you need me to, then yes,” Shouyou hated that he didn’t even need to stop and think about it. That was such a Kageyama thing to do, overthinking the silliest details and acting on impulse over the stuff that mattered the most to him.

“But you can’t.” He clenched his fists in frustration. “Suga had this masterclass he’d been looking forward to for months, and he just canceled it. He said it didn’t sound too interesting, but I know he did it because he didn’t want to leave me alone.” Because he was afraid he might do something stupid, probably. “You can’t all keep doing that. I can’t be the anchor dragging you all down.”

“You’re not.” Kageyama looked down at his knees, shoulders slumping down. “We’re just trying to help you.”

Shouyou sighed before climbing to his boyfriend’s lap and wrapping his arms around his neck, forcing their eyes to meet. “I know, and I love you for that,” he offered a weak smile. “But you all keep doing it. Constantly hovering around me, checking on me. I know your intentions are good, but it’s so exhausting. I know you’re trying to help, but you’re only making it harder.” He waited a minute for the words to sink in, hoping Kageyama wouldn’t take them the wrong way. “I’m not asking you to stop. It’s just… Sometimes it’s too much. Maybe tone it down a bit?”

Kageyama raised his hands to Shouyou’s hips and he leaned into the touch, relieved. “How can we help, then? There has to be something we can—”

“You can’t.” Shouyou shook his head. “Not in the way you want to.”

“What about—I don’t know, someone who knows about this stuff?”

“What, like a therapist?”

“Yeah,” Kageyama nodded. “It helped your sister, didn’t it?”

Shouyou bit the inside of his cheek, pondering over his question. By Daichi’s suggestion, Natsu had been seeing someone since they moved to Tokyo. While it was true that it seemed to have helped, as far as Shouyou knew it might just as well have been the change of environment, taking her away from that toxic excuse for a home. Or maybe it was just his pride, telling him that asking for help would be admitting defeat.

Kageyama poked at his ribs to get his attention. “You’re not weak for asking for help.”

“How do you always read my mind?”

“I don’t”, Kageyama tilted his head to a side, avoiding his gaze. “If I did, I wouldn’t have lost so much time,” he muttered under his breath.

“Hm,” Shouyou smiled, hoping to redirect the conversation to something lighter. He would have time later to think about going to a professional, for now he just wanted to enjoy his boyfriend’s company. “That’s because you’re dumb.”

“ _You’re_ dumb,” Kageyama looked back at him.

“That’s probably the only explanation of why I love you,” he teased, bumping their noses together.

Kageyama kissed him instead of replying, but it felt as if he’d said it back. Shouyou would be lying if he said he didn’t _yearn_ to hear it, though.

“I can stop saying it if you want,” he offered, although he didn’t really want to. “I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“No,” Kageyama replied, leaning closer again. “Don’t stop.”

✧

Over the years, Shouyou had never done much to deal with his mental struggles. He just let the storms run freely, hoping the next time it would get easier. It didn’t. But he had given up long ago, and couldn’t find it in himself to care that much. What was the point in fighting, anyways? Everything sucked, even on good days.

Until he left his hometown, and learned how it felt to be surrounded by people who actually cared about him. He learned what family really meant. And friendship. And love. Love didn’t fix everything, though. He didn’t expect it to, either. Shouyou knew there was no magical solution to how fucked up his life had been until then. He would always have to carry that weight with him, but he also knew now he didn’t have to do it alone anymore. He had gotten a taste of what happiness could feel like, if he fought instead of giving up.

So he fought. He fought with everything he had. And when what he had wasn’t enough, he borrowed the strength from his friends. Even when he shut them off for being overbearing, they were still there, waiting for him until he was willing to let them back in. Because, as he finally understood, there was nothing wrong in asking for help. It only made him braver, stronger. It gave him the tools to face head on whatever would come, and he finally felt ready to stop surviving. He was ready to start _living_.

 

✦

Tobio had never felt like there was too much in him to be proud of. His grades were average, just enough to keep his scholarship. He was good at volleyball, but he had worked really hard for his skills and he knew there was still a lot to improve. He was terrible at his job—dealing with customers was exhausting, and even more when they were spoiled brats.

But every now and then he would stop to look at how far he had gotten from the awkward kid who left his hometown with nothing but a backpack and dreams of finding a place to belong. And he felt proud of himself for taking that leap of faith. For whatever Iwaizumi and Oikawa saw in him that made them take him under their wings. For trusting them with his well being. For letting others peek over his walls, for letting Hinata tear them down. Brick by brick at first, and then all at once.

Being with him was comfortable. When Tobio didn’t know what to do, what to say, Hinata understood him even without words. He was kind, patient, and never asked for more than Tobio could give. He wanted to give him more, though. He just didn’t know how. He had never felt attracted to someone before. He never felt that need to hold and touch and kiss and _more_. Even when they were pressed flush against each other, there was too much space, too much fabric, too much of everything else and not enough of _them_. He knew Hinata felt it too, that hunger. He could see it in his eyes when he parted for air, out of breath, licking his lips. But he always pulled back before Tobio could stop him. _Maybe next time_ , he would tell himself.

Hinata wasn’t shy about his feelings any longer. They would be watching TV, cuddling on the couch, practicing volleyball, or just mindlessly working when suddenly Hinata would say it. _‘I love you’_. It never failed to make his heart skip a bit, his chest overflowing with happiness and affection. But it was hard, because Tobio could always see how Hinata held his breath for a second before kissing him or changing the subject. Like he was giving Tobio a chance to say it back. _Hoping_ this time he would say it back. And _oh_ , how Tobio wanted to. There wasn’t a single doubt in his mind that he was very much in love with his boyfriend. Hinata made it sound so natural. Why was it hard for him to say it, then? He felt them, those three little words heavy on the tip of his tongue. Those three little words that he just couldn’t voice.

He knew Hinata understood, even if he didn’t say it. But Tobio felt like actions were no longer enough. He wanted him to know how much he meant to him. How much he adored his smile, the most mesmerizing sight he’d ever seen. It was like the sun, drawing him in, bathing him in his pure light and casting the darkness away. He wanted him to know how thankful he was for having him in his life.

Even on Hinata’s bad days, when everything got so much harder, he still loved him. It hurt seeing the light in his eyes going dimmer, his voice going lower, his steps getting slower. No matter how many times he had seen this side of Hinata since they first met, it never got any easier. But he also saw how hard he fought, how much he tried to beat it. And he was so _proud_ of him.

“Earth to Bakageyama?” A finger poking his nostril snapped him back to reality. How long had he been spacing out? It had been raining all day, and that meant almost no clients at the store. While he was happy to be paid for staring at the wall for hours, he was bored out of his mind, his fingers itching to go back to practice. But his coach had forced him to take a day off after overworking himself for too long. Recruiters had been showing an interest in him, and Oikawa yelled at him for hours once he heard Tobio hadn’t been resting properly between practices. The national team wouldn’t have a use for an injured player, as Oikawa had learned the hard way.

“Hello?” The finger tried to attack his nose again, but Tobio managed to smack Hinata’s hand away in time.

“What is it, dumbass?”

“Akaashi said we can close up early, no one will come buy games under this storm.”

“Oh,” was all he said, closing the customer support ticket he’d been replying. That would be someone else’s problem for tomorrow, now.

“Can I stay at your dorm?” Hinata looked slightly embarrassed. Why was he blushing? That wasn’t the first time he invited himself. “I forgot my umbrella and my place is—”

“Sure,” Tobio interrupted. He didn’t need a reason to say yes to having Hinata all to himself. In all honesty, he was looking forward to it.

 

Maybe one day they'd bother to check the weather report before leaving their houses. Not today, though. Today they just ran hand in hand under the pouring rain as if their lives depended on it, until they found refuge under an empty bus stop.

They stood silent for a bit, hunched on their knees, trying to catch up their breath. Hinata started laughing like this was the most fun he'd had in his life. Tobio had long ago decided that was his favorite sound, but something was different this time. Maybe it was the way his eyes crinkled, or his hair all wet and sticking to his face, or the ugly snorts every now and then. It took his breath away and made the rest of the world seem dull compared to the boy in front of him.

He didn't know how long he stared at him, eyes wide and mouth open, dumbstruck. There was _something_ in his chest that desperately needed to come out, to be said. He didn't even notice Hinata had already calmed down and was staring back, getting closer and mumbling something he couldn't hear over the noise of the rain.

"I love you," Tobio blurted out, and it felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

Hinata’s only reaction was taking a step closer, mouthing something that sounded like ‘ _what?_ ’.

“I love you,” Tobio repeated. How could he ever find it so hard to say, when it felt so natural?

"I can't hear you!" Hinata yelled, tugging on the hem of his jacket.

"I said I love you, you deaf dumbass!" He closed his eyes and yelled back, almost frantic. It somehow felt like if he couldn't get his feelings across now, he never would.

Hinata giggled, and Tobio felt his heart drop to his stomach. But when he found the courage to look at him again, he was blinded by his favorite smile.

“You heard me the first time, didn’t you?” Tobio blushed at the sudden realization.

“Yep,” Hinata replied, the dorkiest grin on his face.

“I hate you.”

“No, you don’t,” Hinata laughed again. “You just said you love me, like, three times.”

“You should get your ears checked.” Tobio tried to hide his face on Hinata’s shoulder, too embarrassed to look him in the eye, but he took a short step back, forcing him to stand straight again.

“I love you,” Hinata said in a voice as low as a whisper, but it reached his ears louder than thunder. He stood up on his tiptoes, wrapping arms around his neck.

“Dumbass,” he mumbled, leaning down and smiling against his lips. “I love you too.”

✦

Shouyou didn’t even register the run from the bus stop to Kageyama’s dorm. His brain kept repeating the same sentence over and over. _‘I love you’_. It wasn’t a surprise, he knew his feelings were reciprocated. It wasn’t like he _needed_ to hear it to get any kind of confirmation, but he had longed for it so bad, and now he had heard it not once, but four times. He was elated.

They were both drenched, leaving wet footprints on the dorm corridor all the way to Kageyama’s door. As soon as they got inside, Kageyama disappeared to the bathroom. He came back shortly after, his dripping jacket and shirt gone, only a towel around his shoulders. He threw another towel at Shouyou’s face. What was he supposed to do with that? He didn’t know, his brain had stopped working as soon as Kageyama’s bare chest was in front of him.

“You’re gonna get sick, dumbass,” he heard him said, getting closer to take his towel from him and dry Shouyou’s hair. Kageyama asked something about a shower and really, how did he expect him to answer? All he could focus on was the feeling of fingers massaging his head, the warmth coming from Kageyama’s body, only inches apart. His scent.  This wasn’t what he had in mind when he asked to come over, but he was _so_ glad he did.

He’d seen Kageyama shirtless before, but not like this. Not being allowed to touch. _Was_ he allowed to touch, without fabric in the way? He lifted up a hand, slowly, giving him time to refuse. But then he looked up and found blue eyes focused on him. Kageyama only nodded, gulping.

Shouyou let his fingers brush along the line of his collarbone, over his chest, tracing the shape of his muscles. His fingers ran up again, curling around the ends of the towel hanging from Kageyama’s shoulders, and pulled down. The moment their lips met, electricity ran all through his body. Kageyama’s tongue traced his bottom lip and Shouyou let out a gasp, letting him in. _Something_ was new about this kiss. He couldn’t discern exactly what it was. Maybe it was the intensity. Maybe it was the way Kageyama was holding onto him. A hand on his waist, the other on the side of his neck. A strong grip, almost painful, like he was scared he’d disappear into thin air. Maybe it was the fact that, without talking about it, they were both thinking of the same thing. They both wanted the same thing. _More_.

He was shaking, but not from the cold anymore. Even if he _was_ cold, still wearing his wet clothes, his skin was burning. Something in the air had changed, and he felt a different giddiness than earlier. He was nervous. He was excited. He was terrified. Not of Kageyama, he could never be terrified of him. But what if he was pushing too much? He knew Kageyama hadn’t _been_ with anyone before. What if he was just going along with him to make him happy?

His train of thoughts was interrupted by a tug on the zipper of his hoodie. Kageyama helped him get it off, followed by his shirt. Shouyou’s first instinct was to lift his forearms to hide his chest. He had always been ashamed of his body, having been malnourished most of his life. And while he had managed to put on some weight since moving out, he was pretty far from his boyfriend’s muscular shape.

“You’re beautiful,” Kageyama whispered, gently pulling his arms away, and the way he was looking at him, like he’d never seen something as precious in his life, made him believe it.

They kissed again, and it was sweet, gentle, but soon that wasn’t enough. Their hands got bolder, exploring every inch of skin they could reach and further down, over the fabric of pants that were feeling tighter by the minute. Shouyou struggled to unbutton Kageyama’s jeans with shaky fingers, letting them slide down his legs. He took a step backwards, towards the bed, but his feet got tangled in the mess of discarded clothes on the floor, making him stumble down and taking Kageyama with him.

They landed on the mattress. One of his elbows hit the wall, and Kageyama’s weight on top of him knocked the air from his lungs. Kageyama shook his leg, still trying to get it free from his pants, and Shouyou couldn’t help but laugh, tension leaving his body. Why was he so nervous? It didn’t matter how clumsy they were, everything was perfect because it was _him_. There was nothing to be nervous about.

But then Kageyama started pulling down his pants, and for the second time since they got there, Shouyou wished the room was darker. Kageyama must have sensed his discomfort, because his hands stopped moving and he sat back on his knees, eyeing him with worry. He grabbed his wrists before Shouyou managed to cover his thighs with them. The logical part of his brain reminded him that Kageyama already knew of his scars, both on his arms and legs, although he hadn’t seen the latter. But Shouyou had never been one to pay much attention to logic. What if Kageyama was turned off by seeing them now?

“Shouyou.” The softest brush of lips against his scarred wrist stopped him from overthinking—again. “You don’t need to hide them from me,” he kissed his other wrist, his free hand slowly sliding down Shouyou’s side until it reached his thigh. “You went through so much.” Kageyama moved back and leaned down, gently prompting him to part his legs. “You fought so hard, and came out so much stronger.” The tips of his fingers grazed over the thin lines on his skin. “Why would you be ashamed of anything?”

Shouyou tried really hard to keep his eyes from watering, but it was pointless. Kageyama could be so tactless or accidentally rude with his words most of the time, but then he would say stuff like that and it blew his mind away. He had never felt so loved before.

“I’m sorry,” Kageyama spoke again, frowning. “I didn’t mean to make you feel bad.”

“You didn’t,” Shouyou replied. “I just—You’re so good to me, Tobio,” he sighed. He couldn’t find the words to say everything that was going through his mind right then. How much he loved him. How much he had changed his life.

So instead of telling him how he felt, he decided to show him. They both did, expressing their feelings through kisses, through touches. They spent hours memorizing each other’s bodies, losing themselves to the sensations of hands running over hot skin. Learning what they liked most, what made them pant harder. Exchanging _‘I love you’_ s between moans, until they could no longer form any kind of word except each other’s names. Melting into one as if that was the only thing that made sense. As if that was exactly where they belonged, together.

 

Shouyou didn’t know what time it was when they finally fell asleep, spent, their voices rough. When he woke up, his face was buried in the crook of Kageyama’s neck. There was an arm resting over his waist, the other crushed under Shouyou’s weight. He was glad the bed was so small, they didn’t have any other option but to be as close as possible. It was a great option. He moved as slowly as he could, just enough to get a glimpse of Kageyama’s sleeping face. He loved how relaxed he looked then, the soft curve of his lips when he didn’t pretend to be annoyed. He could get used to waking up next to him, Kageyama’s face being the first thing he saw in the morning.

He wished they could have just stayed like that all day, but eventually eyelids fluttered open and blue eyes bore into his. Kageyama looked confused at first, and Shouyou had to bite his bottom lip to stop himself from laughing. It wasn’t long until Kageyama flinched, eyes widening and face going red. Shouyou giggled, aware of how naked they both were, the slight smell of sweat from last night still lingering.

“How long have you been staring, weirdo?” Kageyama tried to deflect his embarrassment.

“Good morning to you too, Grumpy-yama,” he replied, stretching to press a short kiss against his lips.

“What time is it?”

“No idea, my phone is somewhere around there,” Shouyou vaguely gestured towards the bunch of clothes still all over the floor. “I don’t think those are dry,” he mumbled to himself. The current state of his clothes had been the least of his worries on their haste to undress, but now he could see how that might have been a mistake. Worth it, though.

“I’ll lend you some,” Kageyama said, as if he wasn’t almost a head taller and way bulkier than him. He got up and dressed with the first set of clothes he grabbed from his closet, and offered some clean shirt and pants for Shouyou.

A phone buzzed from under the bed. How did it get there? Shouyou rolled over his stomach, reaching to pick it up and smiled when he saw Kageyama’s lock screen—the photo Oikawa had taken of them during the car ride from Miyagi, so long ago. “You have a message from Iwaizumi,” he announced, offering the phone to his owner, but Kageyama was busy gathering clothes and dropping them in his laundry basket.

“What does it say?”

“He wants to know if you’re still coming over?”

“Tell him I’ll be there in an hour, I need to shower first,” Kageyama replied. “Wanna join us?”

“I can’t.” Shouyou sent a short text and got up, wrapping the bedsheet around his shoulders to cover himself. There wasn’t much of a point in getting dressed yet if he was going to take a shower in a few minutes. “I promised Suga I’d help with wedding planning today,” he explained, placing Kageyama’s phone on the desk and looking for his own.

“Did they set up a date already?”

“They’re thinking April, maybe?”

“Do you know what you’re going to do after?”

“Daichi said we can stay there as long as we need, but I think it’s time to let them have their place for themselves again.”

Kageyama only hummed in response. He looked like he wanted to ask something else. Shouyou knew not to push him for words, so he took the time to pick his phone up from the floor, under wet socks, text Suga confirming their plans.

“I’m moving out of the dorm next year,” Kageyama eventually announced, and Shouyou failed to see where he was going with that. Was that what he wanted to say before? “I was thinking, maybe—,” he cleared his throat. “We could get something together?”

Oh. _Oh_. His heart stammered inside his chest. Of course he wanted to live with Kageyama. Waking up together _every day_? It made sense, they both would be busier starting next year, being their last year of University, and Kageyama’s training getting more intense. That meant they’d have way less time to spend together, so living under the same roof was the perfect solution.

But the excitement didn’t last long when his mind reminded him he still had someone to take care of. He didn’t want to impose his baggage on Kageyama, but moving on without his sister was not an option, at least until she was old enough to take care of herself. Ironic, being he had been managing on his own since he could stand on two feet and learned to cook and clean, but he didn’t want her to be forced to grow up as fast as he had.

“I’m sorry,” he replied, and before he had a chance to continue Kageyama was already nodding to himself, as if he’d been expecting that answer. Shouyou hated seeing him disappointed, even more when he’d been the one to make him feel that way. “I can’t leave Natsu on her own, yet.”

“Who said anything about leaving Natsu alone?” Disappointment turned to confusion in Kageyama’s expression. “I meant the three of us, dumbass. It would be expensive for you alone to rent something big enough for two, but between us both it might be easier.”

Shouyou had to take a breath to gather his thoughts, because _wow, okay_ , Kageyama had clearly put some consideration into this. It didn’t sound like just a spur of the moment proposition. “Are you sure about that? You’d be living with a teenager,” he asked, trying to reel back his emotions. He wanted to say yes, but it would really hurt him if they all moved together only for Kageyama to realize sharing a roof with a 15 year old girl was more than he could handle.

“I lived with Oikawa,” Kageyama deadpanned. “Just think about it, okay? It’s not like you need to answer now, there’s still time,” he added as he walked past him and into the bathroom without waiting for an answer.

 

Shouyou sat on the bed while he waited for his turn to shower, absently staring at the old and new pictures decorating Kageyama’s shelves. So much had happened since they met a little over two years ago. He still remembered those first few months, how they used to fight all the time until one of them stomped away. Usually Shouyou—Kageyama was too much of a jerk to stop whatever he was doing, and was contempt with scowling at him until he got the message and left.

And then the jerk saw right through his mask, maybe because he was wearing one as well. His bad attitude wasn’t more than a shield to hide his awkwardness, to protect himself from pain. Because if no one can really see you, they can’t hurt the _real_ you, right? But they can, for the world is cruel and life is hard and nothing ever turns out quite as you expected.

They found each other, and with time the masks became useless. They both could see right past through them. They learned to trust each other, and others. And then he found kindness, and a heart so gentle and considerate that warmed Shouyou’s entire self. It wasn’t a surprise when he found himself falling in love with him. Even if he had tried to resist, he never stood a chance.

Falling in love with Kageyama was probably the best thing that had ever happened to him. It didn’t _cure_ him. It wasn’t supposed to, either. The waves were still there, some days stronger than others. But when they came, he could always count on a steady hand lending him the will to stay afloat, to fight. Swimming along him on the path to recovery and, above all things, reminding him how much stronger he was than he first thought.

Kageyama had changed his life for the better. And maybe, he thought, Shouyou had changed his in return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are appreciated and fuel me to keep writing! 
> 
> Also feel free to reach me at [Tumblr](https://allmycharactersaregay.tumblr.com/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/xoratari/), I love meeting new people to talk about volleyball dumb boys!


	12. Safe And Sound

Tobio’s father died on a sunny day. It almost felt like not even the sky wanted to cry for him. Tobio most certainly did not. He _was_ sad—even after everything that happened, the man was still his father. What he missed wasn’t the relationship they had, though. It was the one they _could_ have had if he had ever bothered listening to his son. His name wasn’t even in the will. All his father left him after his death was the same he gave him in life: indifference. 

His mother was the one to call him with the news. She wanted to make sure he didn’t find out through other sources and decided to show up at his tsuya with unwanted company. She made a point of warning him not to bring the Iwaizumis with him, or even worse, his boyfriend. ‘ _What would people say?_ ’ She asked. ‘ _You have brought enough shame upon this family, don’t come if you’re going to make a scene._ ’ 

That was all Tobio needed to decide he wouldn’t be attending at all. There was no point in going all the way to Miyagi to pay his respects to someone he had no feelings for. The man being buried that day wasn’t his father anymore. Tobio had mourned that loss two years ago, on the corridor of a hospital after his father rejected everything he was.

Despite all that, life wasn’t so bad. His days were busier than ever, juggling between his last courses at university in the mornings, work in the early afternoon and intensive training afterwards. By the time he got back home, he was always exhausted, longing for a hot bath and his bed, but the chorus of ‘ _welcome home_ ’ that always greeted him was enough to bring life back into his tired body.

After six months of living together, they had settled into an easy rhythm. Being usually the first to wake up, Tobio took care of breakfast. They were never at home for lunch on weekdays, so Natsu got up after him to prepare their bentos while they chatted about their plans for the day. Most mornings, Hinata pretended to be asleep for a little bit longer, knowing Tobio and Natsu enjoyed their quiet time together.

Hinata was the first one to get back home, and therefore was in charge of waiting for the other two with dinner. Except for Fridays—those were still reserved for movie nights with their friends. Everyone’s schedule was crazier than ever, but they always made sure to make time to meet. 

To everyone’s surprise, Tobio had gotten close to Bokuto. Their interactions were awkward at first, even by Tobio’s standards, and he still didn’t quite know how to act around him, but Bokuto was always unfazed by his bluntness. They bonded over volleyball; Bokuto being the national team’s ace gave him a lot of inside information and helped fuel his desire to be a part of it. Tobio had been invited to a few week-long camps for candidates to the national team, and when a few recruiters from professional teams started approaching him, he allowed himself to get his hopes up. There was a lot of competition—he wasn’t the only one invited, but Bokuto kept insisting his chances were good. Bokuto was sure any of his friends could achieve anything they put their minds into, though, no matter how hard, so he wasn’t so sure of how much faith he could put into his encouragement.

The thing was, Tobio wanted it. He really, _really_ wanted it. He had never allowed himself to want something. Being young, his path had always been set in stone until he finally spoke up and acted against it. It cost him his family, but it led him to find his true goal and drove him to meet the people who would make his life so much better. And if they believed so much in him, then what else could he do, besides trusting their judgement? So he kept working as hard as he could, even if it meant having little to no spare time with them. Letting them down wasn’t an option.

✦

Shouyou loved Saturday mornings. As hard as they might sometimes be, he loved every morning he got to wake up next to Kageyama, but Saturdays were his favorite. They marked the beginning of their weekend together, just the two of them. After a late breakfast, Natsu would leave to meet with Suga and spend the weekend at his and Daichi’s place. As delighted as she was about living with Kageyama, she had grown attached to the couple and loved visiting them. If it gave him time alone with his boyfriend, Shouyou wasn’t going to complain about Natsu using her free time to help with the kids they were hosting.

The last few weeks had been stressful for Kageyama. If interacting with strangers already put him on edge, talking with people who could potentially affect the future of his career was mentally draining. A nervous Kageyama meant the rest of the household stopped functioning, so Shouyou had made the executive decision of forcing him to relax at least during the weekend.

He deactivated Kageyama’s alarms, hoping some much-needed sleep would help improve his state of mind, and got up early to put the house in order and do some laundry. No mess to complain about and his favorite food for lunch would keep Kageyama happy, so the next thing on his list was shopping for everything he needed to make that happen.

By the time he got back, Kageyama was already awake, lazily sprawled on the couch. There were DVD cases scattered all over their coffee table, and some old volleyball match was replaying on their TV. _So much for no volleyball this weekend_ , Shouyou thought. Kageyama knew most of those games by heart already, and would probably be able to narrate them play-by-play from memory, but it helped calm his nerves.

“I thought you were trying to take your mind off volleyball today,” Shouyou said as he stepped into their open kitchen. It was a rather small space, but being separated from the rest of the apartment only by a counter made the whole place seem bigger. 

“You were taking forever and I was bored.” 

“Aw, did you miss me, Bakageyama?” 

“What—no, dumbass,” he scoffed. “You’re too slow.”

Shouyou chuckled at seeing him blush. Almost a year dating, and Kageyama still got embarrassed by displays of affection. “You’re the slow one,” he accused, emptying the grocery bag and putting everything away. “The last time you went out shopping, it took you like an hour.”

“It’s not my fault Natsu’s requests are so weird,” Kageyama shrugged, eyes fixed on the screen. “Who needs to read the ingredients of their shampoo?”

“Hm, excuses,” he teased, moving closer to the couch to stand in front of his boyfriend.

Instead of replying to his taunt, Kageyama leaned to a side, trying to look past him at the screen. One of his favorite plays was coming.

“Oi!” Shouyou flicked his forehead, moving again to stand in his way. “No volleyball, _dumbass_.”

“But I’m still bored.” Kageyama finally met his eyes. “What else can I do?” The look on his face told him there was only one way this conversation was going to end.

“I might have a few ideas,” Shouyou said as he straddled Kageyama’s hips, hands on either side of his head resting on the back of the couch. It was the only position where he could look down at his boyfriend, and the sight made his heart race as if they hadn’t kissed a thousand times already.

Kageyama yanked him down by the collar of his shirt, their lips colliding with more force than necessary. They gasped when their tongues met, starving for contact. Having to hold back all week made their weekends all the more intense. 

“Hi,” Shouyou breathed when they parted for air. “I missed you.”

“I—,” Kageyama was interrupted by the buzz of a phone. He looked in its direction, vibrating on the coffee table, but made no move to reach for it.

Leaning down again, Shouyou nuzzled his nose against the crook of Kageyama’s neck, giving him a chance to pick up the call in case he wanted to. He hoped he wouldn’t. The phone stopped buzzing, and soon after the soft caress turned into teeth grazing skin where neck met shoulder. He felt Kageyama’s hands sliding down his sides, resting right under the hem of his shirt. Calloused fingers trailed up the line of his spine, making him shiver at the touch, but then the phone rang again.

Kageyama groaned, and as tolerant Shouyou was trying to be, he couldn’t help but echo the sentiment. “Shouldn’t you at least check who it is?” He offered, lips brushing over the spot he just bit, kissing it better.

“Whoever it is can wait,” Kageyama shook his head. “I’m busy.”

Shouyou smiled against his collarbone, pleased with his answer. It didn’t last long, though. As soon as he moved to lift his shirt, the buzzing restarted. “It might be important,” he sighed, reaching out for the device against his wishes. He frowned at the screen, still cracked from when he had startled him a year ago. Kageyama never bothered to have it replaced. “It’s an unknown number,” he announced.

“ _Tsk_ ,” Kageyama took the phone from him, his other hand finding Shouyou’s waist as if trying to make sure he couldn’t leave. He wouldn’t, not when he had been waiting all week to have his boyfriend all for himself.

“Hello?” Kageyama growled at whoever was calling. Shouyou had to stifle down a laugh at his harshness. Deciding to keep himself busy while he waited, he started tracing a path of soft kisses along the line of his neck. “Yes?” Kageyama spoke to his phone, letting go of Shouyou’s waist to tangle fingers on orange hair. 

Starting to feel impatient, Shouyou slid his hand down his chest and—a tap on his shoulder and a weird look stopped him before he could reach his pants. Kageyama gestured for him to move, standing up and almost throwing Shouyou off the couch on his rush. He opened his mouth to complain, but Kageyama lifted up a finger, asking for silence.

“Okay,” Kageyama nodded as if whoever he was talking to could see him, walking in circles around their living room. “When?” There was no point in trying to strain his ears, Shouyou couldn’t make out what the voice on the other side of the line was saying. He wished Kageyama was more talkative, he was getting more curious by the minute and his monosyllables weren’t being of much help. “Okay, thanks,” He finally hung up and sat on the low table, staring down at his phone.

“What’s up with that ugly face?” Shouyou poked between his eyebrows, trying to undo his frown. It worked, usually—Kageyama would smack his hand away and their banter would be enough to distract him from whatever was troubling him. It didn’t work this time, he didn’t even flinch. “Everything okay?” Shouyou insisted. Kageyama had looked nervous during the conversation, but he usually did when talking to others. Should he be worried? Why did he look so… what? Confused? Shocked? Not even his mother’s phone call months ago had affected him like this.

Kageyama looked up at him. He opened his mouth, but no sound came out. He closed it and tried again. Still nothing. After spending so much time together, Shouyou had gotten pretty good at reading his boyfriend, but he felt lost today. What was that all about? Was it good news? Bad news?

“Tobio—,” he started, but was soon interrupted.

“They want me.” Kageyama’s grip on his phone was so tight, Shouyou worried he might break it.

“Who—,” He had a mild idea of what he could mean, but didn’t want to risk guessing and being wrong. “Who was that?”

“I start training with them next month.” Even without answering his question, that was enough confirmation that he _was_ right after all. “I won’t be playing, yet, but…,” he trailed off.

Shouyou gaped at him, his thoughts falling into place. He wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that, looking at each other in silence. It felt like hours, but it probably wasn’t more than a few seconds until Shouyou broke into a laughing fit.

“Tobio, that’s—,” he eventually tried to say once he was able to form actual words again. Sort of. “You’re—Gah!” He exclaimed, jumping from the couch to throw himself on top of his boyfriend. Kageyama caught him in his arms, barely managing to stop themselves from stumbling backwards. “I knew you would make it!”

Kageyama held him tighter for a minute before pulling back again, sporting the biggest smile he had ever seen on his face. He looked so happy and proud of himself, Shouyou fell in love with him all over again.

Words failed him, as they usually did when he found himself overwhelmed by emotions. All his brain could come up with were variations of ‘ _fwaah_ ’ and a string of nonsense rambling as he launched himself forward again, this time effectively making them both fall from the small coffee table and knocking down a teacup in the process. Neither of them cared. They kissed, and then they kissed again, and again, ignoring the constant _pings_ from Kageyama’s phone. 

But then Hinata’s started exploding with notifications as well, and it was soon obvious that their friends must have heard the news already. Bokuto was his teammate, now. He must have known even before the coach called Kageyama to welcome him to the national team. And if Bokuto knew, then all of their friends knew as well.

“How long do you think we have until they’re tearing our door down?” Shouyou asked, pulling away just enough to press his forehead against Kageyama’s.

“We’d better make use of the time we still have left, then,” Kageyama smirked, and Shouyou’s insides melted as he rolled them over pinning him down on the floor.

It didn’t matter if their alone time was going to be shortened this weekend, not if it meant celebrating the achievements of the boy he loved so much. But until then, Shouyou would take the time to celebrate him on his own _personal_ way.

✦ 

Training with the national team was just as tough as Tobio expected it would be, but he’d never been more satisfied with himself. Especially when, after only a few weeks of playing as a sub, the coach called him to talk at the end of practice. He was going to be the starting setter on their next friendly match. Everything changed after that match—he was on the starting formation more often than not, their previous regular setter getting closer to retirement.

Tobio was no stranger to being at the center of attention during a match. He had already won tournaments with his university team, after all, and he’d even had to reluctantly give a few interviews for sports magazines and news. But this wasn’t the same. He wasn’t just playing for his University. 

He was representing Japan.

Up until then, it hadn’t been more than a wild dream. The first time he dared to believe it was possible was when he first got invited to exclusive training camps. But even then, there had been several other setters invited, and all of them were good. Much more than good, actually. They were among the top players in the whole country, and he was one of them.

As much as Iwaizumi and Oikawa kept repeating that it was only natural, that they had always known he would go far, he still thought he was dreaming. Everything seemed surreal: being the starting setter for Japan, sharing the most domestic life with a boy he was desperately in love with and who loved him back, having the most amazing friends.

And then it hit him—the national anthem playing on the stadium speakers, the chants from the public as someone introduced the teams about to face each other in the final match of the qualifier rounds for the Olympics. Hinata beaming at him from the stands, red and white painted on his cheeks, surrounded by their friends and family. His heart was beating faster than ever, but he didn’t feel nervous. He had never felt more excited in his life.

The match was so fast paced he had barely gotten any time to breathe, every one of his teammates playing at their best, fighting towards their common goal. Every chant, every roar from the crowd, only fueled them to go harder. But then the whole stadium fell quiet when at Japan’s match point, Tobio went for a setter dump instead of tossing to Bokuto. Seconds seemed to drag into hours as they watched the ball falling until it hit the floor. The sound of the whistle announcing their win was overshadowed by the ovation from their supporters.

Looking up at the stands, his gaze zeroed in on his boyfriend. There he was, smiling and crying and jumping and screaming something Tobio couldn’t possibly hear from where he was standing, but still felt in his heart. _You did it, Tobio_.

Their silent communication didn’t last long. The first one to jump over him was Bokuto, his usual ‘ _Hey hey hey_ ’ now turning into an incomprehensible series of hoots. The rest of his teammates followed suit, the group melting into a tangle of legs and arms on the floor. Even Ushijima, as stoic as he usually was, cracked a smile before being dragged by one of their middle blockers to join the rest of the team.

After bowing twice to the public, and a short talk with their coach, they all threaded towards the changing rooms. They were excited, chanting and congratulating each other on their good play, talking about their next goal—the world, according to Bokuto.

That’s when he saw her. All of the giddiness he was feeling died, being replaced by dread. Everything had been going so well, why did she have to show up now of all times? He stopped in his tracks, making a distracted Ushijima bump into him. Most of the team turned around, curious as to what was going on, but after a quick glance at Tobio and getting a nod in reply, he ushered them all to go on and get changed.

“Tobio,” his mother called once they were alone in the hallway again. There was a weird look on her face, one he couldn’t quite make sense of. Was that a _smile_? He didn’t even remember how that was supposed to look on her face. When was the last time his mother had smiled at him?

Hands curling into fists, Tobio didn’t make a single move to approach her. He looked around—his eyes found Hinata’s, waiting for him at the end of the corridor. Hinata made a face, recognition dawning on him when he saw the woman still standing there, and he elbowed Iwaizumi to catch his attention. They both seemed ready to jump to his rescue, but Tobio shook his head before they could do anything. He didn’t want them to have to deal with his mother, not on one of the happiest days of his life. She had no right to ruin this for him. She had already done more than enough of that.

“Tobio,” she called again, and only then he realized he’d never even acknowledged her presence.

“Mother.” He turned to look at her, not doing anything about the space between them. That was all he was willing to give her. A last chance to talk things out.

“Congratulations on your win,” she said, her smile growing in a way that only made his stomach churn. “You played well, Tobio.”

It took all of his self-control not to laugh at that. As if she knew the slightest thing about volleyball. “Thanks,” was all he said. It sounded as fake as her words.

“Your father would be so proud,” she took a step closer. He took two steps backwards, feeling sick.

“My father?” This time he couldn’t stop the snort from escaping him. “You mean the man who said I’d never succeed at anything in my life unless I followed on his footsteps?”

She looked bewildered, as if his reaction was completely uncalled for. “Tobio—,” she started, but the icy look he sent her way must have made her reconsider whatever she was going to say.

“What do you want?” He spat, standing taller, arms crossed in front of his chest. The little boy scared of standing up to his parents had long ago been left behind. He was not going to let her trample all over him ever again.

Her eyes went wide, indignation written all over her face. “I just wanted to congratulate my son on the honor he’s bringing to the family—”

Tobio scoffed, realizing how pointless this whole conversation was. Of course it all had to do with his family’s honor. Now that he was going to attract attention to the Kageyama name, he suddenly was part of the family again. He should have seen it coming, really. Maybe he could have avoided this encounter.

“If that’s all you wanted to say, _my_ family is waiting for me.” He ignored her shock and whatever she was trying to say. His strength was barely enough to make his way towards them without breaking down in the middle of the hallway, but as soon as he got to the end he found himself enveloped by a massive hug.

Hiding his face in the crook of Hinata’s neck, he burst into tears. As much as he tried, he just couldn’t stop. Tears from sadness, for the family he had lost. Tears of happiness, for the family he had found.

“We’re so proud of you, Tobio-chan,” Oikawa’s voice came from somewhere amongst the tangle of bodies. He sounded like he was crying, too.

A huff voice against his shoulder said something he couldn’t understand due to his own sobbing. “You played well, Tobio,” Iwaizumi said after clearing his throat. Those were the exact same words his mother had said, but it meant so much more coming from him. Even his name sounded better, warmer, when he was the one speaking. And not just because he actually knew about the sport, but because of what he meant to Tobio, just like Oikawa, and every other pair of arms surrounding him then. His family.

✦ 

Right before getting married, Suga and Daichi had come up with an idea that Shouyou thought was brilliant and _so them_. Instead of spending money on a big wedding and a honeymoon, they took all of their savings and put them into remodeling their home.

Their plan was to expand on Daichi’s efforts as a social worker, offering a space to accommodate kids growing up in hostile homes, just like Shouyou and his sister had been. It wasn’t just a shelter—they gave the children a roof over their heads, food, assistance and the tools they needed to recover and get back up on their feet. If any of them wanted to, Suga gave them a job or trained them at his bakery so they could learn a profession. Daichi handled the interviews at the schools he worked at, checking for kids who might need help without knowing how to ask for it. An old friend from high school, Asahi, joined their team and was in charge of managing the counseling for the kids that needed more than just kind words and a hug.

Shouyou helped as a link between the three of them. He was a kid from a broken home, after all, and he had gotten out with their help. Daichi was the one to crack the door open, sensing there was something odd about Shouyou’s circumstances. Suga gave him a fresh start, giving his boyfriend the idea of inviting him and his sister to stay with them. Asahi, whom he met much later after Kageyama convinced him to seek professional help, made him come to terms with what went through his head. 

While Shouyou didn’t see himself as any sort of role model, he knew it was good for the kids to see and talk to someone who had been in their place. A proof that ‘ _it gets better_ ’ wasn’t just a catchphrase. It was haunting, sometimes, reliving his own pain when talking to abused kids. It all hit so close to home, and made him appreciate his family so much more. Some stories were just like his, some lighter, and some so much heavier that they kept him awake at night, wrapped in his boyfriend’s warmth. But seeing them getting out of their shell, smiling again, little by little, made everything worth it. 

He was proud of the work he was doing, giving back after everything he had received from others, and the life he had built for him and his sister. His biggest pride was seeing how Natsu grew up from a scared, shy little girl to a cheerful and healthy teenager. She had turned out to be a force to be reckoned with, always surprising him with something new. It amazed him how fierce she was, keeping her positive attitude after everything life had thrown their way. He wasn’t sure who she had gotten that strength from. It definitely wasn’t from their parents. Kageyama said she had learned it from him, seeing her big brother fight for her, but he wasn’t so sure. It didn’t really matter, anyway. All he cared about was making her happy. And she was, if her bright smile every morning was anything to go by.

 

Natsu had been even more cheerful than usual, lately. Shouyou had a suspicion on what might be the cause—a certain classmate she had been mentioning every now and then—but he had no way of knowing for sure without actually asking her. That wasn’t an option, it seemed, as her face went red and something was thrown to his face every time he dared try. 

Kageyama was completely oblivious to her change, until one morning it got too evident to ignore. She was being oddly attentive that day, offering to do the most annoying chores they usually had to compete over Super Smash Bros so the loser would have to handle them. As if that wasn’t suspicious enough, she had gone shopping recently with Oikawa, of all people, and was now announcing she might be back home a little later than usual.

“Someone’s excited today,” Kageyama noted as she hummed to herself in front of the hallway mirror.

“Yup!” She admitted, blinding smile included. “I have a date!”

“What do you mean _a date_?” Kageyama frowned at that, throwing a glance towards Shouyou. His only response was a shrug, instead of the support he was asking for. “You’re too young to go out on dates.”

“I’m 16,” she stuck her tongue at him. 

“See? You’re just a brat.”

“How old were _you_ when you went out on your first date?” She raised an eyebrow at him.

“You should know, you were there.”

She just giggled, turning to the coat hanger by the genkan wall to grab something from her bag. That first date was still one of Shouyou’s fondest memories, even if it had been in the company of his little sister. If only, it had made him like Kageyama even more, seeing how open he had been to welcome her.

“What time are you coming back?”

“Tobio-chan, are you my mom?” She grinned, walking past him to lock herself in the bathroom.

“Why do we let her hang out with Oikawa?” Kageyama sighed as he gave up.

Even if he had tried, Shouyou wouldn’t have been able to stop the laughter that bubbled up his throat. Seeing them interact always made his heart swell with love, even more when Kageyama got all overprotective of her. Even their banter, when he ended up frustrated with her like right then, made him realize how close they had become. 

At first, he had been worried dragging his sister into his life would be too much for Kageyama, but he had welcomed her as part of his family and never did anything to give him the slightest doubt that he regretted his decision. 

When they were kids, they would spend hours late at night in her bed, looking at the fluorescent stars he had glued to her ceiling, imagining everything they would do once they got out of there. They weren’t even crazy, big dreams. She just wanted simple things, like being able to invite her friends to sleepovers at home, having ice cream for dinner, or not having to hide the bruises in her arms from how harsh her mother grabbed her. That one hurt the most, more than anything anyone could do to him. More than what he _did_ to himself. 

Shouyou used to tell Natsu that someday they’d find something so good that everything they went through would have been worth it. Maybe Kageyama was his something. His _someone_. And hers, in a way. Daichi, Suga, and even Asahi had been a great help for her. But she had been sort of a _plus one_ , going along for the ride when they offered to help Shouyou not even knowing yet he had a little sister. They never tried to back up from their agreement when they learned about it, though, if anything it just made them want to help them even more. 

But Kageyama was different. Even before they started dating, when they weren’t friends or even on talking terms, Kageyama had been there for her. Helping her study, letting her vent about her feelings, even if all he did was listen. He wasn’t doing it to help Shouyou, he was doing it to help _her_. Maybe he just didn’t know how to say no. But he did it, anyway. It was the main reason why Shouyou had stood up to Kageyama’s mother when she first showed up at the shop, and why he decided to join him on his trip to Miyagi.

“Did you know she used to have a crush on you?” Shouyou asked, throwing a glance towards the still closed door to make sure she wasn’t in hearing distance. Being murdered in his sleep wasn’t the way he wanted to go.

“Hah?” Kageyama snorted. “No way?”

“Yes way! Remember that stuffed animal you got for her in Miyagi?” Of course he did, she still slept with it every night. “When I gave it to her, she declared one day you were going to marry Hinata Natsu.”

“Hm,” a light blush crept through Kageyama’s cheeks. “She guessed the wrong sibling.”

By the time Shouyou’s brain processed his boyfriend’s words, he was already getting up the couch, probably hurrying to hide inside their room. “Wait, what did you just say?”

“I said you’re a dumbass,” Kageyama replied, red all over his face as he attempted to flee the scene.

“That’s not—Bakageyama!” He rushed after him, jumping on his back. “You said you would m—”

“Sh—shut up, dumbass!” Kageyama swatted a hand over his shoulder, smacking Shouyou’s mouth closed. “Why would you make me repeat it if you heard me?”

As much as Shouyou tried to reply, the hand on his face wasn’t making it easy, so he did what anyone would do in his position. He bit down on one of Kageyama’s fingers, making him flinch forward and smack his leg against the corner of the coffee table. It wasn’t until Kageyama was cursing doubling down from the pain and Shouyou found himself holding tight from his neck that he realized he had made a huge mistake.

“Do I even want to know?” Natsu raised an eyebrow at them, not even flinching when Shouyou fell face first, Kageyama sprawled over his back. This wasn’t the first time their bickering ended with one or both of them on the floor.

“Tobio said—” Shouyou had to swat a socked foot away from his face as Kageyama tried to shut him up. “Tobio said he wants to marry me!”

“I did _not_ say that,” Kageyama’s protest was in vain, muffled by Natsu’s screeches and Shouyou’s laughter when she threw herself over them.

Not even Kageyama grunting, ‘ _I hate you both so much_ ’ when he finally managed to break free from their suffocating embrace was enough to dampen his mood for the rest of the day. He knew it wasn’t meant as a proposal, or something that they would be doing anytime soon. There was no rush, anyway. But Shouyou had always been so insecure about everything, the confirmation that Kageyama wanted him in his life, that he was in for the long run, filled him with a warmth that he didn’t think he would ever find the words to describe. 

For the better part of his life, every time something good happened Shouyou was reluctant to get too excited, like it was always too good to be true. But time had proven to him that it wasn’t so bad to celebrate the little things in life. There would always be rocks on the way, waves coming and going, but when he looked at the bigger picture of what had become of his life, he saw there wasn’t much to complain about. He had succeeded in giving Natsu the childhood she deserved, he was almost done with Uni, the boy he wanted to spend the rest of his life with wanted the same. His job was just as gratifying as it was exhausting—he was changing lives. For the first time in his life, he felt satisfied with what he had.

The ocean had never been calmer.

✦ 

Waking up every morning to a mess of orange hair in his nose, a hand pressing against his cheekbones, drool all over his chest and a bony elbow stabbing his ribs wasn’t what Tobio would describe as _pleasant_. He wouldn’t change it for the world, though. Especially not when he missed it so bad every time he had to travel for a match.

So when he opened his eyes and realized he could actually feel his arm for once, he was confused for a second. Groaning at how cold the bed felt, he rolled over to his side, looking for his phone. _9:06am_ , read the screen. What on Earth was Hinata doing up so early, when it was usually impossible to get him out of bed before noon on Sundays?

Curiosity got the best of him as he untangled himself from the covers and got up. It definitely had nothing to do with the absence of a warm body between his arms, or missing the groggy smile he loved waking up to. Doing his best as to not make any noise, he followed the sound of soft pop music coming from the kitchen.

During their time together, he had seen many sides of his boyfriend, yet he always found a new way to surprise him. Tobio’s shirt looked too big on Hinata, reaching down to his mid-thighs, one of his shoulders peeking out. He probably wasn’t wearing anything underneath, but it was more endearing than arousing. None of that was new to him, though.

Hinata was singing. He had been humming a lot lately, when he was focused on something, and his smile had been brighter than usual. But this was more than that. He was _singing_ , happily dancing to some foreign song, so busy with whatever he was trying to cook that he didn’t notice Tobio looking at him as if he had never seen him before.

Up until then, mornings had been the hardest for Hinata. It didn’t always last more than a few minutes, but sometimes he would wake up and he didn’t need to say anything for Tobio to know he was wondering if it was even worth getting out of bed. So seeing him dancing around the kitchen, flour all over his face and hair, at nine in the morning was a sight that made his chest swell with fondness. He would give up all the warmth and hair and drool and hands and bony elbows if it meant he would wake up to his boyfriend making breakfast and _dancing_.

Not wanting to interrupt whatever was going on, Tobio leaned against the doorframe. He almost wanted to go back for his phone so he could get this moment on video, but he felt like no camera would ever be enough to really capture the glow Hinata was irradiating. So he stood there, burning the memory into his brain.

It took Shouyou three more songs to notice his presence, caught in the middle of a swirl. He froze on his feet, face matching the color of his hair. “What are you doing there staring like a creeper?”

“Just making sure you don’t set our kitchen on fire.”

Instead of dignifying his teasing with an answer, Hinata huffed and turned back to the stove, just in time to get a pancake out of the pan before it burned.

Tobio used the distraction to approach him, arms wrapping around his waist.

“I can’t cook like this, Clingy-yama!” Actions betrayed words as Hinata leaned into the touch, his back pressing against Tobio’s chest.

“I bet it tastes awful anyway.” Tobio held him tighter, resting his chin on Hinata’s head.

“It’s a good thing I wasn’t planning on giving you any, then,” Hinata grumbled as he placed the last pancake on top of the rest.

“Guess I’ll have to take them myself,” Tobio snatched the plate away, lifting it over his head.

“Give them back, Bakageyama!” Hinata pouted, reaching up with his hand, but he was too short compared to him. It was the most adorable thing _ever_. Still, Tobio wasn’t going to give up that easily, only lifting his hand higher. “Stingy-yama!” 

“I’m hungry.” He took a step backwards as Hinata jumped. “And there’s more than enough for both of us.”

“That’s because I was going to bring you breakfast in bed, but now I’m gonna eat them all by myself.”

“You’d have to actually reach them, first.” He would be lying if he said his heart hadn’t skipped a beat at his words.

“Ugh!” Hinata protested, taking two steps backwards with a determined glint in his eyes.

Tobio knew it could only mean one thing. The first—and last—time something similar had happened had been enough to learn his lesson. He had been keeping two plates of pasta just out of Hinata’s reach, and his bright idea had been jumping to get them. The result had been as bad as one could expect: carbonara and broken ceramic pieces all over their floor. Natsu had yelled at them both, comparing them to the three-year-old kid Iwaizumi and Oikawa had just adopted.

Not giving him the opportunity to repeat that scene, Tobio surrendered his treasure. Hinata took it from him with a ‘ _hmph_ ’ and placed it over the kitchen island. As soon as Tobio sat next to him with an empty plate, Hinata passed him half the contents of his own, bickering already forgotten. 

They ate together in comfortable silence, only broken by Hinata’s occasional humming. It was so intriguing, this new side of him, yet Tobio found himself afraid of pointing it out. Not wanting to break the spell, he limited himself to just sit there and watch him, unaware of the dorky smile on his face. 

“Why are you staring so much at me today?” Hinata pulled him out of his reverie. 

“You’re…” _weird_ was the first word that came to mind. But that wasn’t the truth, not really. “Different.”

Hinata tilted his head, confused. “Different how?” He asked around his fork, chewing with his mouth open. Any other time Tobio would have scolded him for it, now it kind of added to his charm.

“I’m not sure, just—different, lately. Better.”

“Oh,” Hinata looked down, biting down on his bottom lip. “I think…” He took another bite of his breakfast, as if buying some time to decide on whether to voice his thoughts or not. Tobio didn’t push, in awe as the tiniest yet purest smile found its way to Hinata’s lips. “I think I’m happy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I poured my soul into this story, I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it!  
> Thank you so much for joining me on this ride, for your comments, kudos and messages off AO3.
> 
> Feel free to reach me at [Tumblr](https://allmycharactersaregay.tumblr.com/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/xoratari/), I love meeting new people to talk about volleyball dumb boys!


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